What's the matter? Oh, just your pain is bad? You are a bit irritable.

[Winniepooh1976]

Awake again another night not sleeping pain horrid has been for days. I am irritable upset and flipping fed up! The above is what a family member said to me earlier today. JUST my pain 😡 Anyone else get the feeling now only don't others not understand the fact that it is most if not all days you suffer, they seem to be quite dismissive ?

[Del123]

Unfortunately people do not understand what sort of pain you're in especially as I have been suffering for over 20yrs.

They take it as part of the course that I'm in pain, put people still say to me "how's the pain", as if they really want to know , they just don't know as they have never experienced the type of pain your in...... I now do not take anything to heart what people think, just try to get on with your own life and handle the pain the best you know how!!!

[Sleeplessmom]

Yes. No one will Understand until they have been in our shoes. I have RA. And had a stroke. I don't remember a day in which I had no pain. My family all are pretty understanding. But I don't think they know why. Ya know?!

[Scotspain]

Yeah all the time i couldnt trim top of our 8 foot hedge from stepladder leaning out 2 feet as pain was excruciating all i got was aww poor u have to leave the job half done typical your back always seems t be sore when jobs need done wtf they expect i had to leave a 40k a yr job to take a 10k a yr one due to lifting heavy steel plate etc 3" solid steel round bar 8 ft long into a lathe alone and couldn't do it anymore- all due to laziness according to family n friends doès my effing head in but if my wife has period paìñs its aww u need a hot water bottle heres some solpaďeìne take day off i get told dont think about not going to work today even if im struggling to get out of bed with pain as they cant see it it doesnt e XIST FK EM ALL WE HAVE TO SUCĶ IT UP WAIT TILL IT HAPPENS TO THEM AND SEE HOW THEY REACT !

[WhiteTornado in reply to Scotspain]

This is truth. I'm not a person who curses during conversation with others, HOWEVER-when my pain level due to chronic spinal problems with herniated discs, Bulging Discs, with nerve entrapments in my cervica c4-5, 5-6l and Sciatuca , & lumbar 3-4 sacral 1-2, 2-3 (excuse but I probably need to look at the spinal anatomy again!) ,slight Scoliosis. Periphial Nueropathy and fibromyalgia (different doctors have conflicting dx ) plantar faciaitis, nice size plantar neuromas I SCREAM in my head and sometimes when no one is around, out loud - WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU F***ING PEOPLE ? !!! Everyone can see I'm physically F**Ked after any over exertion for Gods Sake I can't plan, cook, and tidy up a meal in one go without suffering HELLISH PAIN as the consequence. Here's my beef with people who can't "see" the pain. Try to remember the last worst pain you have ever had - you can't recreate it, but you can remember -.... *when* my breach pregnancy almost ripped me in half....I *once* got smashed in the balls so hard my nuts were on the ground couldn't breathe and passed out .....I *remember* when I dislocated my R.elbow and R.shoulder at the same time and holly sh*t, *did* that ever hurt !!! Try it people - you can not recreate that pain but you only remember that it hurt very badly. Now all you ass holes who think we are 'faking it' or as previously stated in last post are "lazy", take your lazy asses, or so overworked and awww so tired you worked 58 hrs. this week, to your computers and f**kin read about painful conditions and deseases, the nerveous system ect. ( be careful not to get lemon in your badly cut finger , ! ouch ) and learn to have some empathy because we who have chronic horrific pain can handle a eighteen inch gouge in our arm or leg - stitch it all up and it would only "feel" like a Scratch ! So who exactly are the cry babies? The ones who are too selfish to go and research (won't take too long) the significant pain levels that NEVER REST !!! That's a pretty honest rant but you can take it to the bank - it's not counterfeit ! To all my fellow human beings who suffer I wish you the best day that is in the scope of possible. And for all you name callers make sure your pets are o.k. ? because there seems to be more humanity at the Humane Society. I just put one of my Himalayan cats to sleep as I could no longer see her suffering. We can see our pets are CLEARLY IN ALOT OF PAIN but a person with a cane won't even have a door held open for some of the most ignorant. With knowledge at the tips of everyones fingers, ignorance of any kind is not even an acceptable excuse or reason to not know what someone is going through, unless someone has been so unfortunate that they have not (for valid reasons) learned to read.

[slsn71 in reply to WhiteTornado]

Reading your post has brought a smile to my face i have arthiritis in both hips disc bulge and wear and tear of the pubic bone my daughter also has crps because im only 45 apparently im not able to have hip replacements as im to young what a joke the pain is immense and brings me to tears im the same as you f***k the ignorant idiots who havent got a clue thankyou for making me smile .

[Joanzoe in reply to slsn71]

My husband had his first hip replacement when he was 40 then his second a year later, after 17 years he still works full time in pain sometimes but not like years ago,the specialist said he doesn't believe how old you are ,that you have to have a life when you are young not when you are old,keep on at them,xx

[Kezabelle in reply to WhiteTornado]

This is so on point. I fractured my spine when I was 15. I'm now 28 and have serious chronic pain in my lower back, buttocks, right (sometimes left) Leg and occasionally have troubles with my right arm and with breathing due to the meds I've been on for the last 12years or so... But because I'm 28 and take care of myself and am a sociable, extrovert, people just do NOT understand that I'm in pain every single f**king day, and they can't even begin to imagine it. I wish people could understand. I love this idea of saying to them "ok, imagine the worst pain you've ever had and now imagine living with that pain every single day of your life" that might actually help. I mean, I wouldn't wish this agony on anyone. Most days I struggle to even make it out of bed so doing anything is incredibly difficult because the pain is constant and agonising. The only time I'm ok is if I get myself really wasted. I'm on hells strong meds and they are still not enough. I've tried EVERYTHING and nothing seems to help. It's not just the understanding of the pain but the hopelessness of knowing you are never going to live a day without being in pain for the rest of your life. I just had to stop working because it's so bad and my career was my entire identity, so that's really tough too.

And that's the thing right?! People don't understand at all what it's like to suffer like we do every single day, imagine trying to get them to understand all the psychological affects it has on us too. Now that would be something!

[Winniepooh1976 in reply to Kezabelle]

I get what you mean, I do get days that are better than other's and try to do things to keep myself feeling normal. When I was working full time I had my nail done every few weeks costing £35. I cannot afford to now so I buy stick on false and paint them really bright and wacky!! It cheers me up and gives me back a feeling of self, I may look tired and crap but check out my nails kinda thing. I also tried cross stitch but that ended badly with a few expletives and my throwing offending object at husband head for laughing. I have had ups and downs and realise my pain is here to stay I try to make my BAD days better and my better days count. Many good wishes x

[PFKAAde in reply to Scotspain]

As much as I know exactly how you feel Scotspain and WhiteTornado your expletive ridden rants brought a smile to my face. Sometimes you just have to let it out. I think we plod along trying not to complain because WE DON'T WANT TO! But sometimes someone says something and we think to ourselves - you really haven't got an effing clue how I feel have you?!

I keep reminding myself that I would undoubtedly have been equally blissful in my own ignorance before, well before it.

Have as good a day as you can.

😀

[Kezabelle in reply to PFKAAde]

True dat! 😜

[Winniepooh1976]

Thank you all for your posts so happy people get me, makes a real change. I also had to leave a well paid job because of my pain. The drop in my income is a joke. I feel like because other cannot see your pain they sometimes doubt it exists, or at least the severity. I also had a great social life again due to pain I do not anymore as people got sick of me cancelling. No I can't stand in a pub or plan in advance I take each day night as it comes. I lay in bed listening to my five year old in the garden, watch my husband running around with him. I hear his giggles and I feel so much jealousy. I paint a smile on my face and push my body as far as it will be pushed. Then spend days in agony as payback for me trying to feel like a human.

I agree that people can say I am lazy and need to motivate or push through. I am sick to death of the television portraying people on sick as scrounging, lazy. As if anyone would choose to live this life rather than join the rest of the human race. We need more, come on people do your research find out what the actual truth of the devastating impact of chronic pain. Do not speak in ignorance do not judge.

Hope you're all having the best day you can x

[Kezabelle in reply to Winniepooh1976]

Really well-worded. I'm completely with you. It's nice to know you're not alone.

Thanks everyone for helping me remember I'm not alone.

😘

[heathermc]

All the time. If they can't see the problem the it doesn't exist. I've given up explaining. Have two conditions so it's an uphill struggle.

I just keep smiling back and say sod them. Easier said than done. What choice do I have.

[Debbs73]

Hi there. Unfortunately people can not understand how we are feeling just because we don't look in pain doesn't mean we're not. Unless they walk a day in our shoes they can't understand what it's like living in pain 24/7. Just because you can't see a disability doesn't mean is not there. I can relate to you totally. I've been suffering with pain since I was 18 I'm now 42,at first I felt that I wasn't being listened too and taken seriously. That has now changed.

[johnsmith]

Others will not understand they do not have your experience. But you do need to take their feelings into account. You need their support. You have to work at not upsetting others too much and learn to apologise when you accidentally do.

Some modes of behaviour are very habit forming and we often do not notice that bad behaviour by ourselves creeps up on ourselves without us noticing. Your family member has given you a wake up call about a problem you need to do something about.

Taking up meditation and mindfulness of the Buddhist variety may be helpful in developing better behavioural habits. There are many Buddhist groups around where you can learn the skills of mindfulness and meditation. Going to a yoga class will enable you to network with people and learn some useful exercises to help reduce discomfort.

In case your are wondering been there and done many of the things pain causes you to do when in pain survival mode.

Hope I have been helpful.

[AnyaK]

They can't really understand. I've been in pain for twenty years and even I forget between flares just how badly it can hurt which is why I overreach myself. Physical pain, the full extent, is so quickly forgotten. I found writing a story based on my experiences helped people to understand. Also have you come across the Spoon Theory? A lot of people respond well to that explanation and it can work as well for pain as it does for fatigue.

[Winniepooh1976]

I do try to take people's feelings into account I never tell them the full extent of my pain. I also suggest activities I can manage but on a bad day I cannot walk without horrendous pain. I used to run round like a headless chicken doing everything that was asked of me including temporary fostering. I do snap in anger when I am tired and in pain, then tend to burst into tears cos I feel so guilty. I do relaxation including body mapping which can help. I know I need to get myself some support which I now am. I think I was just scared of starting a new med as I remember how bad side effects were after Tramodol. Thank you for taking the time to reply you were right my family member constantly worries. I need to come to terms with this condition and treat it as a priority rather than trying to push through or fight it which just makes me feel worse off X

[JeffMett]

Not many people seem to realize what chronic pain is, it is relentless day and night you try and ignore but it gradually wears you down. I take more oramorph in the evening to get rid of the pain but then your to high to sleep. I'm forced to work on a job I don't like. My consultant does not like what I do but the money people say I've got to work. I agree people do not realize that what the pain and medication keep making you have cycles of depression to add to the pain. I've been very dismissive and I've been tempted to just punch someone even though it would probably hurt me more than them. They have no idea what it's like to get in the morning and wash and shave when it hurts to shave.

[PFKAAde in reply to JeffMett]

There's a simple solution to the last point - I have (long story) a bad back. Couldn't stand up to shave for 6 months, so I grew a beard.

Acts as a wake up call to people when they say 'oh I like the beard' and I say 'yep, can't stand up for long enough to shave without falling over'. They tend to go a bit quiet then, like they hadn't even considered that's why I grew it. 😉

[Kezabelle]

100% agree. Well I have a few exceptional people in my life who seem to get it but most people - yep, completely accurate! Glad I'm not the only one feeling like this!

THANK YOU!!!! 😘

[Keli80]

People don't understand chronic pain. Even people you live with everyday. Just remember that there are others who feel like you who are willing to listen when you have had a bad day x

[Winniepooh1976]

Thanks Keli80 I appreciate others who get it makes me feel less alone X