Dying again!

[kylie1986]

Hi everyone, i think i have cancer again. Every thought i have or pain always seems to be cancer. Whats wrong with me? Im over weight so i understamd that im gunna get pains in my leg but now i have a lump behind my left knee and a lump on my thigh which until now i thought was fatty tissue but has recently started ro hurt me and ache. The doctor said the lump is a cyst and is sending me for an ultrasound to put my mind at rest and said it was more than his job was worth to tell me something wrong. But now im thinking what if its a lymph node because i have a cancer sarcoma on my thigh? I cant enjoy my life anymore i think im dying all the time and cant see a future . I dream about death every night and what it would be like to die and what happens to my body after life being cremated or lying in a fridge in a morge. I cant keeo on like this my thoughts are horrendous . Please someone help me i beg you x

[SassyZee]

Hi kylie1986,

I pray it isn't cancer, I'm a 4 time cancer survivor. My battle with cancer began for me at the age of 23. I'm overweight to. I have what is called multiple lipomas, which is a fatty cyst that can cause severe pain because they sit on nerves. I have them on my legs and my forearms which causes a lot of pain for me. Check this site out webmd.com/skin-problems-and...

They usually are benign Keep us posted

It might give you some ammunition to talk to your Dr. About. I've not had any removed mainly because I have so many other issues going on that I don't have time for it. I've got to have surgery again on August 10th for my right shoulder. This will make the 2nd surgery if this doesn't help I'll have to get a total shoulder implant after this shoulder heals I have to have the left shoulder joint replaced with a artificial one.

[stokebones]

Hi,

I know it's not easy but you need to tell yourself you are fine and that it is just your anxiety.

I note on your profile you say that you suffer from health anxiety - how is this being treated - are you on antidepressants or benzodiazepines.

Are you having one to one psychology ? This is definitely something I would recommend. It is also relatively affordable to go privately.

Looks through your history there are a lot of posts so I assume it's fair to say you are suffering quite badly ?

A psychiatrist might be able to prescribe better medication for your anxiety. Might be worth asking for a referral or going privately dependent on your financial status !

[earthwitch]

You have already made the first step in recognising that your thoughts are horrendous and something needs to change. Please now talk to your GP about getting a referral to a good counsellor. You are right - it is just your thoughts playing havoc at the moment (assuming as your GP suggests that the ultrasound does just show a cyst), so that is what you need to be trying to tame. Often there is a big waiting list for NHS psychologists, so if you can afford to go private you might want to discuss that with your GP. In the meantime, you could also look around and see if you can find a Mindfulness course happening in your local area - again, that will help you recognise that thoughts are just thoughts and not facts. Mindfulness may also help you be a bit more gentle with yourself, and give you a way of noticing what is going on in your body without panic about it. Anything that helps to take away anxiety has got to be good.

You don't have to avoid noticing lumps and other possible health problems though - that is what your GP is there for - to check them out, and either deal with them or reassure you. Try your best to believe what they say. They have had quite a lot of years at medical school plus experience, so they do know what they are talking about (much more reliable than Dr Google!)

[deejames in reply to earthwitch]

Here here Earthwitch. Dr Google can be a curse as well as a useful source of information

Dee

[deejames]

Only a doctor can tell if your lumps are cysts or fatty lumps or something else. It does sound though as if you could do with some help undertaking your feelings gs and worries about serious diseases. Perhaps you could mention this to your doctor and explain what you are saying here about having frequently thoughts that you are dying. Your GP will be able to suggest a course of action to help you with these fears. It's good that you are recognising that these fears are not necessarily based on real health issues. You are going for an ultrasound which should put your mind at rest about this one lump but it's not good for you and your life if these feelings are going to keep happening.

Telling you not to worry won't help but talking therapy to explore why this is happening might. P,ease speak to your GP about your anxiety.

Best of luck.

Dee

[kylie1986]

Thank you for yoir replies. Iv been to the doctor several times about h anxiety , there was a point where i was going almost everyday scared to death thinking i was dying and they put me on citroplam . It didnt do much so went back and the doctor said well we can send you to a councilor but will tae weeks or even months and that was that. Now everytime i go i feel as tho they just dont want to know and had enough of me. One doctkr said to me when i walked in "what you dyin of now" this is why i always believe there is somethiv wrong because doctors dont take me serious

[SassyZee in reply to kylie1986]

Omg I'M so sorry he said that. I had a horrible Shrink tell me one time he wasn't there to hear about my problems but to give me medication. I told him so your just a legalized drug dealer huh? He said guess so.. at that moment in my life I had tried to kill myself over 10 times. Had just gotten out of the mental facility an when he said he didn't want to hear what I was going through an all the other blah blah i stood up an told him i was going to beat his ass. He ran like a bitch lol now here i am disable an barely walk but i was chasing him down, if the other ppl in the office had not grabbed me I would of hurt him.Thankfully I found a great Therapist that does EMDR she an that treatment gave me my life back. I've been off meds since Dec 1999. No more Depression or suicidal attempts ... An the Dr. he got relieved of his job cause I brought complaint on him an several other patients followed suit on how rude he had been to them too.

[kylie1986 in reply to SassyZee]

Im so glad you had something done about him. Why dont people understand when we are at our lowest we need help not to be told to shut up. Im sorry you had a hard time. I feel like that atthe min. Nowhere to turn x

[SassyZee in reply to kylie1986]

I'm sorry you don't have anyone to talk to. My Therapist i ended up with that gave me my life back .. She would do phone sessions with me if i was having a bad day an she didn't have an opening. She would do it during her lunch. Therapist like her is one in a million. Cause I hated to keep crying to my friends an talking about the same oh stuff. The feel for you but no one can understand till it unless you've been through it. I ended up finding a support group on yahoo, an made some real good friends there an we still talk to this day in real life. We still talk if we having a bad day lol. An if they were busy i would call the crisis line to talk to them. You can message me private on here if you ever need an ear.

Zee

[kylie1986 in reply to SassyZee]

Thank you zee i really appreciate it. Im thinking of looking into private counciling as the doctors ones take forever to get too. Just wish my leg pain would go away and i might feel better x

[SassyZee in reply to kylie1986]

Kylie, I'll keep you in my prayers. I have a lot of leg pain to at night time. Last few nights I've had to get up at 4am cause of my legs when they ache i can't sleep. The temperature in them can't get comfortable either. They get hot as hell making it hard to get comfortable along with the neuropathy pain.