Life sucks, and then you die!

I hate my life! I have fibromyalgia, arthritis, degenerative disc disease, migraine headaches the last one has lasted every day and night since last February! Parkinson's disease and dystonia. Because a nurse ordered to much depression medication! I have gone over 20 yrs. to the pain clinic. No help! I have so much pain, l can't take it any more! Doctors don't care, you are just a number on a chart! I went to my internist , told him how bad my headaches are, how I can't stand it any more! I was crying, please help me! He said well go to your Neurologist he will help you! I explained my headaches, and pain, that I can't take it any more!!!!!! He said go to your Internist, he will help you. Ya, right! Why don't I just kill myself, then no one has to deal with it! I feel no one cares. They just send you to some one else. I have been to 7 Drs. since spring, no one knows what to do for my pain! I have had 3 back surgeries for my disc problem. That is coming apart, so that hurts a lot. I hate my life, I pray every night please let me die, but I don't!

24 Replies

  • its good that youv come onto the forum and talked about how your feeling. life can be terrible and there are many people here who are going through horrific illness and pain just like yourself. your not alone. there is no one answer and life certainly can be a terrible struggle to bear. it would help if you had others to talk to in the same boat. and feeling like you do or have felt like that. maybe they can tell you how they handle it. i just pray. i get strength from people here who are in a worse condition that i am in and i see them fighting to keep their spirits up. that does encourage me. i often go to bed and hope that i dont wake up. its not like that every day i really have to fight with myself and those thoughts. i cant let them win. as i said i get so much encouragement on this forum and have made many good friends that i can talk to wheneve i need too. you to will find many people who will want to share their experience with you. its very late. im in the uk and dont sleep to well. so thats why im here speaking now. i really do wish you well. try and keep your chin up. love and prayers and a big huge hug. love grace xoxoxo 🤗🤗🙋🏼

  • Thanks for your reply! I appreciate you taking time to answer! I hope you slept well? Thanks again!!!!

  • Thanks so much, for your reply! It's nice to hear from someone! Hope you have a good nights sleep!!!!!

  • I too have severe fibromyalgia and ddd amongst my diagnoses.migraine .I also have severe M.E. And functional disorder with intentional tremor and 25% reduction in strength on my right side following a bleed on my barain this year. i understand what constant severe pain is like.I went for 13 years with terrible pain,with only minimal pain control offered before fibro and M.E. Were recognised.i know in Other countries that getting pain meds has become really difficult .I was lucky in so far as i went privately to anaethesiologist pain doctor.It really turned things around for me.i was given the fentenyl pain patch and was also allowed to use my tramadol as pain breakthrough meds as well.I dont know if you have the option og going to such a clinic ,but if you could even for a one off treatment as did perhaps someone would take yourpain seriously.Im not saying that im not in pain anymore ,it is just improved control of my pain that i have.I still have breakthrough every day but i have my other meds to help get it back under manageable control again.I think if your pain was controlled you would find inside that you have the desire to live despite your diagnosis.Severe M.E. Is no picnic yet with better control i am able to use the computer or have visitors for short periods,before i could do nothing other than lie in a dark room with no stimulation at all toaid in distraction from my physical so sorry that you are in torment,i say torment because severe uncontrolled pain is just that ,i know! Please dont give up.if necessary change your provider,keep fighting to have your pain recognized,and eventually you will find someone who cares.It took just one person to turn my pain around,and i ad at least a dozen doctors who tried to push the buck ,eventually i found a doc that listened.I hope you do too.In the meantime,soft hugs and a sincere wish that you get the help you need.

  • Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it!

  • going to a pain clinic for injections in my spine has really helped. Migraines I HAVE ONLY HAD ONE WHICH WAS FROM TAKING A PAIN PATCH, new[ver ever want another one.

  • Hi Merdalfeenstra, I to am suffering with so much pain in my back and down my leg, my doctor is so good she understands my symptoms and treats me so well, she is trying to get me off tramadol because they aren't doing my pain any good now,(I have been on the highest dose you can have for about 16 years now), she has put me on pain patches instead which are quite good, the only problem is that they don't last the full week that they are supposed to, I had a MRI about 4 weeks ago and I am still awaiting the results, I had an operation on my back 16 years ago for a herniated disc and was told that I had degenerative disc disease which would get progressively worse as the years went by, this is now the case, I also have been diagnosed with arthritis and am seeing a rheumatologist about this, there is help out there Merdalfeenstra please I beg you to find another doctor that can help you, yours sounds positively dreadful, there is a thing called a duty of care which all doctors must abide by just try reminding yours about this, you shouldn't be going through what you are

  • God Bless you. Keep fighting for your health and quality of life. You are not well enough to make a decision to end your life. Can you take religious instruction. God is the ONLY one who will never abandon you and I am picturing his big strong arms holding you close and passing his healing to you. So sorry you are going through this. Don't quit before the miracle. You have a place on earth, demand it

  • thats so true and a lovely message and it help me to as im not well today myself. someone once said to me that they could see jesus arms around me and it did help me. its so true that he is the ONLY one who will never abandon us as his love is unconditional, its easy to forget that sometimes, so reading your message to merdalfeenstra is very helpful to me. love grace xoxoxo

  • You are not alone my friend. I can't sleep because of my pains, and I lost my life, job, friends, everything... I am only 22 years old.

  • So sorry for you! Praying that you can get some help and relief!

  • Thank you. Do you sleep good?

  • bless you dear girl. like so many people here you are so young, you can make friends on this forum, just having some people to talk to can be an ernourmous help and knowing that your giving them some of your time is a great gift. we can all help each other in some way. even if its just a welcome and a hello. i do hope that things get better for you. love grace xoxo 🙋🏼

  • Hello Merdalfeenstra! Would it help you to count your blessings or the good in your life? Positive outlook is supposed to lessen pain. Start by writing down one or three or more blessings. This website for example. So many compassionate people to hold your mind with kind suggestions and prayers. If you express this feeling of wanting to die, someone might refer you to a suicide watch. If this occurs to you, please, phone for help. It's normal to be depressed and disoriented when in terrible pain. You aught to be supervised by a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist can prescribe the proper medication for you, not some nurse. Sorry. Remember you are valuable. It is awful to have so much pain. I, too suffer migraines. I don't talk about them anymore bc it's a kin to saying that I've a bad headache, everyone seems to have them. We both know that a true Migraine is like having someone cracking our skulls open. Vomiting in the silent dark, only to come away with more pain with those muscles to add to the Fibromyalgia. Goodness me! Anyway, there is a Neurologist, who is the doctor who should be treating your migraines and Parkinson's, named Josh Turknett who is working in Atlanta, GA. You can find him on the internet and in the library or bookstore. He is the author of "The Migraine Miracle." Bottom line is stay away from artificial sugar and the natural ones too. This includes wheat and grain products. Look him up. It might help you. If you live nearby, make an appointment to see him. Investigate the Ketogenic diet for Migraine management, who knows it might help with the Parkinson's. His wife, a chef and food critic, has written a cookbook to help eliminate Migraines. BEFORE you do anything, speak with your doctor. Sometimes they need to be educates. Just be courteous. Print or lend out your book. It's tiny and easy to read. So are some Canadian authored books on Fibromyalgia. Here's another blessing. The Degenerative Disc Disease and Arthritis are about the same. You can have one less problem. My Grandmother suffered with Parkinson's and Breast Cancer starting in her 60's. They didn't know very much then. My Grandfather, on the same side as Gram, provided the Essential Tremor to the gene pool. We, my children and I, have it. Thankfully they have gizmos for the brain that can help either issues with the trembling. You didn't say where you are in this disease, but have a look at Michael J. Fox when he's on his medication, wow! If your doctors are not listening or helping you, it may be time for a new retinue of specialists. I hate it when an insensitive medical person says "Gee, you have a lot of doctors." In today's world there is so much information. We patients must also take a motivated role in our health care. Another reason to stay tuned to our support groups. One never knows when one will read or hear something worthwhile. I wish you all the best and trust you to go out into the sunshine or rain or snow and take a deep cleansing breath and be happy...count those blessings.

  • Thank-you so much for your reply! Every night I thank God for my blessings, my wonderful husband who takes good care of me! My children, and my grandchildren! I love so much! But I am so sick of feeling bad, having headaches day in and day out!

  • Hello Merdalfeenstra

    I hope that you are feeling better with all the useful tips and support people here have given you.

    It's wonderful that you have a supportive family during this challenging period and good to remember them during moments when you may feel weak.

    Pain and our perception of it can and will have a huge impact on our emotional wellbeing, so it is worthwhile exploring the different methods to control it. Find out through exploration- what works or doesn't work for you, taking one step at a time.

    Be good and kind to yourself even on days when you might not feel like you're making progress. Listen to your favourite music, be somewhere that allows you to relax and be around people that care about you.

    It can be tricky navigating the medical and health care system at the best of times and try your best not lose heart in between appointments. No matter how dark those days might seem, there will be brighter days.

    Be strong and remember how all those that care about you are there.

  • my word you are having a real tough time,words of sympathies to you,and on top of all that it sounds like your being given the run around and getting nowhere fast,I can't imagine how much you're suffering and totally admire your inner strength,I can't tell you how to deal with all your symptoms but its very obvious that you need some sort of decent pain relief,then hopefully you can start dealing with all your other issues,I hope you can get to the bottom of your health problems and I wish you a pain free lifestyle goo we luck

  • Thank-you so much for your care and concerns!

  • im pleased to see you have had so much response and your sounding a lot better that you did the first time you came on the forum. i'v been in bed myself those last few days as not feeling so well. i pray that you keep feeling a lot better. all my love to you. grace xoxoxo🌹

  • Sad to hear that you are in so much pain, I can only imagine how bad fibromyalgia is but I have degenerative back problems and until four years ago had absolutely debilitating migraines which started in my teens, (Im now 68), the migraines got worse and worse over the years especially when triggered by weather,(atmospheric changes), and outside influences (static at work), hormones and other things, they regularly lasted 3 days, (2 or 3 times a month), and were so bad that I needed the rest of the days to recover. I used to take buckets of pills in those days as the docs really didn't know much, so I can relate to your pain. As I got older I became less and less able to stand the pain, I remember thinking that I should just bash my head against a brick wall as that would hurt less and might cure it. I was at the end of my tether with everything by early 2012 when due to intestinal symptoms, I started investigating cures for IBS (or similar) online and found out that going gluten free could maybe help this problem. I was feeling so bad that right away I stopped eating gluten and apart from the disappearance of the intestinal symptoms, arthritis pain in my hands and feet, and various other aches and pains that I thought were just old age, MY MIGRAINES DISAPPEARED.... since then I have had the occasional headache but nothing to compare with before! At first I thought that they might return but now after almost 5 years it seems to be permanent, (cross fingersand touch wood),an answer to my prayers. I will add that over the past year I have also given up most carbohydrates, expecially cereals, sugar and sweetners and now eat a LCHF whole foods diet which has made me feel even better. I discovered fairly recently that I should have been on a gluten free diet even earlier as I was diagnosed with auto-immune hypothyroiditis in 2009 and a glutenfree diet helps this and other autoimmune conditions. Now my only worries are my back which is a disaster zone though luckily not permanent pain (just chronic), and hot flushes due to my thyroid meds. So just to give you hope that you could start to feel better, that things can change that something as small as diet can make a big difference. Some time after going GF I ate something gluten by accident and got Eccema Herpetiformis so my doc classed me as Celiac and stopped thinking I was just a GF diet loony. I try to stay away from doctors as much as possible they almost always make me feel bad. Before the Hypothyroid diagnosis doc just said that my absolute exhaustion could be cured by taking a few vitamins and "bucking myself up" can you believe. Sorry this is so long I just had to post when I read about your migraines, felt I should at least try to help.

  • Can you tell me what a LCHF whole foods diet is. I am very sensitive to gluten, but find it hard to stay aawaay from gluten as we eat out a lot. I have Parkinson disease as well as a few others so standing to make meals is very hard. I tend to wear out before I clean up. My husband is very good to me but he doesn't want to cook much right now. Friends sharing recipe helps.

    Must go as I'm going to go TiChai. It is great to hear the positive outlook many are sharing to help others pull themselves up .

  • Take a look at that should answer your questions. Its all a case of back to basics, no processed foods etc., sometimes the diet is a bit inconvenient but it really makes such a big difference, when I eat out I just get the most delicious meat or fish there is but without the sauces and carbs exchange them for a larger helping of veggies. Sometimes I would love to eat something that I shouldn't but just the thought of how sick/itchy it makes me feel and how much damage I'm doing to myself makes me stick to the diet, also every year that passes I have less cravings for the other things and feel so much better. No point in living a long life if you feel awful all the time. If you need more help please get back to me.

  • Forgot to say that I still work full time and manage to make my own bread (I only eat one slice daily), my morning toast was what I most missed at the beginning. My husband is supportive and occasionally cooks and also now eats a partial lchf & GF diet which has made him healthier to0. Try to make enough food at one go to have left overs for other meals, I hope you take the plunge and that it makes you feel better.

  • It sounds like an insensitive remark but I know that exercise, even a little and a positive attitude really helps with the pain. When someone has pissed me off I go to a quiet place and play a relaxation tape. I usually fall asleep for at least 30 minutes at least and wake up relaxed.

    Yesterday was probably the best christmas ever. My husband insisted that he didn't want any presents, and my youngest sign hates shopping . I cannot drive anymore so I accepted that and my husband brought me beautiful gifts as well as taking me home as soon as my pain got unmanageable. He often says I need to leave when he wants to leave.

    My grandchildren bought me coffee certificates as we go out with friends jut to get out of the house. It is important to get out and socialize. They also bought us a ticket for a house draw. Apparently it is one that wouldn't take much to make wheelchair accessible. One can always dream.

    My youngest son seldom gets to be with my grandchildren but yesterday they got to spend some good time together. That was great. I AM BLESSED even with all the rest.

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