How do I cope. .My story:

[astitchintime]

I am a woman in my middle years. About a month ago I had a horrible discharge from my vagina. I also had a sensation in the vagina of flatulence. I went to the sexually transmitted disease department, was examined and told there was nothing there, no bacteria. I was perplexed. Like a lot of things they can come and go and I hoped this complaint would disappear. It did and I was so happy everthing was back to normal. The problem reared its ugly head again when I was away for a break but this time it was a lot worse and stressful, and even before the above symptoms I was in a bad mood that got worse. I came home. I was also having different stools when I went to the toilet. I went to the doctor as soon as I could but did manage to look up my symptoms on the internet. It looked like I have a hole made from the recturm to the vagina. The doctor was not pleased but said have an exam with a lady doctor with a nurse present. I went to see the lady doctor three days later and wanted to know first if she could put me on antidepressants as I was feeling horribly depressed by the condition that had got worse. She said no and it had nothing to do with her but it was up to the psychiatrist I was going to see in six months time. At the same time she said my latest condition was of the mind, that I was dillusional but she still looked as if she would examine me. I said what are you looking for and she was reluctant to tell me. I did read before this interview that doctors do not always find something wrong but there is a problem and other tests can follow. I did not like the way she was. Everyone should be entitled to an unbiased exam. She went on and on about this drug I had been recommended to take from the psychiatry department and that I should take that. She also said I had been into the doctors with lice but that was dillusional because they could not see any. I was unhappy about this because the doctor I saw did not examine me properly for lice anyway. I felt that I did have lice and it took months to clear. These medical conditions are pretty horrible. As far as hallucinations go I was recently prescribed morphine that I felt gave me bodily sensations like lice but I pulled through without asking for help or taking medication. So now I am at home. I have another appointment with a doctor and nurse but not until early March. I feel as if I am fighting an infection all the time. I phoned the surgery today for an earlier appointment for antibiotics and the receptionist said call tomorrow morning. There was no doctor to phone me. I do have a normal appointment but not till next Tuesday. As I am ill every minute of the day. I Live on my own with very little support and not much money, becoming delirous quite often because of the infection. I am pretty well at the end of a rope. I contacted the psychiatry unit but that is rather worrying because they may agree that my complaint is all in the mind. My vagina is very sore and uncomfortable from what is going on and I feel very unwell. Any thoughts? I'm not up to much. I do feel like phoning a rectovaginal surgeon and getting a private consultation but it should come from your doctor. I phoned the psychiatry unit to see if they will fax or write out a prescription for antidepressants but they said no but they did say see them on Friday of this week. Now I am worried about that. Never ending. The original problem is leaking liquid faecus from the vagina because I feel a hole has been made through the tissue to to rectum. this condition is called rectovagnus fistula and is sore and painful and devastating. It is funny in a way that the doctor i last saw was not concerned about whether I was still taking morphine for pain but was happy to think I was having hallucintations about my latest complaint. No I don't want to be ill all the time far from it.

[Hidden]

Why has no one made a comment ? This lady is in dire pain ladies please give Her some comfort and understand

Thank you

[BBGuess45 in reply to Hidden]

She needs to see a surgeon, and to definitely avoid the doctor that prescribed antidepressant , putting on a happy face isn't the way Fistulas are treated

[astitchintime in reply to BBGuess45]

I have not been prescribed antidepressants recently but have felt I need them as the condition is at time beyond acceptance. I am waiting to see if Dr C has sent a referral letter to a gynaecologist as I asked for a blue dye test. I don't know why I chose that test above others such as MRI and CAT I suppose it got me into the gynaecologist room quicker. What I do need is a stitch inside to put things back to normal. B Thanks for your input anyway. I really don't know what else this condition could be and it is certainly not a dilusion. spell checker.

[Ang34]

Hi astitchintime, what a time you are having. I have just logged on just now and seen your post. As soon as you started explaining your symptoms I thought it sounded like a fistula. Not a pleasant thing. Even though it is easily sorted it can lead to alot of problems till then. Infection and discharge being one.

I am on high doses of morphine as I have back trouble. I suffer from itching periodically. It's awful as you do feel like your skin is crawling at times.

I think that it's sad that if a person is suffering from depression that some health professionals try to say that things are in your head. It is laziness and lack of knowledge on their part!

You sound as though you definitely need to speak to someone regarding your depression. Maybe changing your GP could help to or ask to be referred to your local hospital even.

I have started doing a mindfulness course run by my local health centre. I originally was using it at home as I have severe problems sleeping. I have since begun to realise that the practices can be put in place at any time, wherever you are. I would of been very sceptical a few years ago but I have to say it is helping me deal with things do much better.

If you go onto you tube and search for mindfulness guided meditation there are heaps of options come up. All for different problems. I quite like Michael sealy. Maybe give it a go. It's always worth a try. The relaxation sounds as though it will do you good. It might help the waiting for appointments etc more bearable.

I really hope you get to the bottom of your health problems and start getting treatment to help.

Please keep me posted on how you are doing.

Always try and remember your not alone. It's good to come on here to ask questions, rant etc. I have found this group beneficial.

All the best. Take care

Ang. Xx :))

[astitchintime in reply to Ang34]

Dear Ang,

Thank you for your post. It is a job to know what to do all day when you are not up to much. I have since my post seen a doctor and had an exam. A swab was taken to send to the hospital to see if any infection shows. The exam is not all conclusive and this one was not. I asked to be referred to a gynaecologist privately hoping that would be a step in the right direction as living with the condition for now up to a week is no small thing. It looks like a blue dye test would be appropriate. I think everyone should be entitled to an unbiased physical exam. As for the depression I have contacted the relevant people. My doctor who was suggesting my symptoms were a delusion did not want to prescribe antidepressants. Then why labour on about the situation being a dillusion if one aspect of my mind, depression, held no interest for her? I always say keep an open mind but with symptoms like I have been having you have to draw your own conclusion. Gosh what if I was certified and came down with this horrible complaint. I would be whipped off to the electric shock unit as I know has happened with women with Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. The result being the same I would still have the same problem. Back to my story. I asked the latest doctor if he could refer me to the gynaecology department in the same room as the exam with him and a nurse present. He asked about insurance. I don't know what I said now.

There is a lot of prejudice it seems for people that have had previous health complaints whether unsolved or not. I had symptoms of inflammatory bowel but that was never diagnosed a couple of years ago. Luckily that complaint did heal itself given time, a few months. This inflammatory bowel along with other complaints can cause a fistula to be made from the vagina to the bowel. I feel very unwell at times and mighty unclean inside, I could say almost like a sewage plant, only, least said soonest mended I hope.

I will look at "Mindfullness" . I feel my complaint should be looked at as an emergency. It has occurred to me not to eat so as to prevent number two's and the liquid thereof going through my front passage and internally. I feel it in my tummy area at times. The flatulence in my front passage is ongoing.

I am running out of sympathetic doctors, or at least doctors that are not rude and condescending to me. Changing surgery: It is very hard to move forward on this one. I live out in the country without a car. I have lost the nhs card that I need. There is so much to do and it looks overwhelming. As many people know it is hard to get out of the rut of poor health and motivation to do things is at an all time low. Suicide seems a real option at times.

I did go to a Mindfullness course a few years ago and perhaps I did learn something along the way but mostly found it boring and fustrating.

There are times I could tell the world so as to get the help I need. In the end you don't know what to do. I remind myself of my dieing cat Tabatha who was put down because her kidneys packed in. She looked dreadful and there was no alternative. why allow humans to suffer in a not too disimilar way I do not know.

I am going to try not to eat. I have read that I need to rest. I did find a website about fistulas that you could write to but cannot refind it and did not make a note of it. What a state to be in.

If you would like to know how you are that would be good. The whole thing wilth illnesses is they make you self occupied.

B

[Curlygirl54]

Hello there astitchintime,

I hope by now you are feeling a little more calm.

It sounds like you are feeling very alone with these health problems and not getting the professional support you so need.

We are here to support each other especially when times are tough.

I totally agree with Ang34, Mindfulness can be enormously helpful with the overwhelm and sense of having no control at all over what is happening to us.

May I also suggest that you contact your local 'Mind' You will find them easily on the internet. You could speak to them on the phone and find out what things they have going on to connect people who are isolated and struggling. Some areas have groups - certainly a useful place to make contact in my opinion.

I do hope the wait til your next appointment is not too stressful and you start to get the feeling you are being heard.

Take good care and know that you are not alone - usually always someone around on here to provide an 'ear'

Take good care of you,

Shirley

[astitchintime in reply to Curlygirl54]

Hello Shirley

Thank you for the reply. I have been to see a friendship group that I used to go to and that was supportive. It is a horrible experience particularly when you don't know what the future holds. Care is not always straight forward and is complicated in my case by prejudice. I have seen three general practioners in one week with quite a few phone calls. I hope I can sorted soon. There is an improvement in that a phone call today got me anitibiotics which is a lot better than nothing. I have asked to see a gynaecologist and hope this will go ahead and I have a stitch to sew the internal hole. What a carry on. So embarrassing. My local MIND don't have much to offer and I don't feel up to travelling to the next "Mind". They also have a policy of trying to get a lot of money out of you, at least one I have been to one in the county that wanted far too much.

I hope you are okay. Thank's again.

B

[juliansmom]

I've been called crazy quite a few times but I walk away from those so called doctors and tried again. A year to get a diagnosis for my vaginal pain with no infections. Research vulvodynia , generalized and provoked and seek out a pelvic pain specialist because regular gyn. Don't have a clue about this Condition. Your not imagining your pain but freaking out makes it worse. I know from plenty of experience. You're gonna get through this.

[astitchintime in reply to juliansmom]

Hi there, Thank you for your vote of confidence. Once something has gone wrong it opens the door for other complaints. I am alright at the moment but as the complaint is not surgically fixed it is likely to happen again. Just my luck. One minute your'e fit and the next it is a distant memory. B

[astitchintime in reply to juliansmom]

I have looked up vulvodynia.

Sexual Intercourse for me. I guess that's out of the window. What a life.

[juliansmom in reply to astitchintime]

I'm not diagnosing you , just wanted to help you in your search. Vulvodynia is complicated and every woman's experience with it is different. I am in a long term relationship and sexually active. Just because you don't have an infection it doesn't mean nothing is wrong. You could have overactive nerves for example. Patiently seek out a decent doctor it can be very discouraging but they exist. Good luck

[BBGuess45]

Fistulas have a cause, and can be repaired. I hope you've been able to find both