As I got up this morning I tentatively stood up and waited to see what I could do and to what degree the pain was, because yesterday was so bad that I was at the end of my tether, and lo and behold a letter for physiotherapy arrived, and I hummed and haaaed to myself about just what I could learn that I have not already tried, because when the pains start, believe me you learn pretty quickly, because I'm a coward where pain is involved, but if I have learnt anything and that is there is no magic ingredient, there is no magic movements ,there is no exercises that alleviates all the pain, for it just moves ,shift's itself as you move.
But I will go , because it has become unbearable, and I just can't take any pills for more than a day or so because my liver and kidneys react badly to all medicines.
But I'm open to anything at this stage and I know sitting in the chair too much brings it's own problem's so it's a balance of everything and I say to myself as long as I'm believed I will put up with anything if it helps, even distraction .
But it is the unpredictable way that thing's happen, like forgetting just for a moment and something happens, and times when it doesn't , and the times that it doesn't ,start's off the old battle of am I imagining these pain's, and you lash out at yourself and others, I know' I don't, but on a bad day it's hard to keep thing's in perspective , for there is nothing worse than the dismissive reaction from people especially in todays environment around Disability issues and benefits, Don't these people know that people do not arrive at where they are if there is not something seriously going on even if undiagnosed.
There is one symptom that I find hard to deal with and that is the strange sensation in palm's of the hand , it feels like' when you fall and you put your hands out to break your fall, anyone who has ever played football on a gravel pitch will know that feeling and your left with a throbbing feeling after the pain subsides.
Also thinking about what the last physiotherapist told me about tensing the muscle in my stomach helps push one of my vertebrae just enough to help me stand straighter, and although I knew that myself and would do it, but him telling me made me realise it more.
But the one thing I want to mention and ask , I've been pestering my GP to get a scan on my neck, but Now I'm wondering if I have made it worse, because since the scan the pain I've had in the area where they focused the scan (MRI) may have not been good for that muscles along my shoulders the magnetic resonance may have not been good for the muscle, a theory I grant you, but has anyone else noticed this, maybe I was wrong about my neck and maybe should have took the doctors advice earlier and not risked irritating further my pain in that area as I've doubled the pain in that area, and I mean doubled it , it burns to high heaven now and I do not need to move much to start it off, Finally I would like to add ,why isn't there some machine that can measure your pain, so that these ass----s realises that pain all the time is as debilitating as any disability, and just because you don't fill in the tick's in the boxes, it doesn't mean that you DON'T tick all the boxes.