Am 44yrs old, and I do get scared to go out my door, as you know your being talked about. It's the case off they don't know what's going on with me and the medical condition I have, or is it a case that they don't want too know.
The Health Visitor was in to visit us there on Monday, as we have a wee lad under 5, who is due to start school next summer, she was in checking on his progress. She said to me, hey I've not seen you out and about for a while, I then said to her why I hadn't been out. She thinks it's horrendous. She said that she we have a chat with my GP, but what can he do...
Ok, going to go and try and get back to sleep, it's now 03.45, been up since 03.00.... am totally washed out....
Night night all.
Joe
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joe69
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I certainly know the feeling. I have back problems and depression, people are aware of this but I often feel because they can't see anything wrong with me that they think I'm making it up! I get quite paranoid that everyone is talking about me and judging me as I'm on benefits.
What health issues do you have? If You explain it will make our easier for people to offer you advice and support.
Hi Joe, and Good morning to you. It sounds to me that you have some sort of depression and if you feel you have no one to talk to ask your doctor to refer you to a conciler who will listen to you but wont judge you. You are quite right about pain it is invisible but why do you feel that other people are entitled to know what is going on in your life ? You don't have to tell anybody anything if you don't want to your life is your buisines. You need to consentrate more on controlling your pain and making your life more bearable. Good luck to you tricia
I know what you meAn Joe, I feel that some days it's a competition with someone I know, as though I'm a wimp and got a really low pain threshold.... I am learning to deal with my pain and try not to care what people say but it's hard sometime.... Everyone's pain is different though isn't it, we all have our own ways to deal with it!!! You take care of yourself try to ignore everyone else like I try to...xxxxxx
Are you sure that everyone is talking about you? It sounds as if you are depressed and lack of sleep can cause this. My experience is that on the whole people are ok and mostly interested in their own problems, it could be that there is someone there who would like to help ad befriend you if you would let them. It is risky trusting people but certainly better than the life you having to put up with at the moment. We all know that people gossip, but what is news one day, is history the next. Without knowing what the health issues are its hard for us to understand the problems they cause for you. I try not to talk about my health issues but talk about more general things, if people ask how I am, I just say I am ok and go on to another subject.
Hi Joe, I would think you have enough on your plate dealing with pain. Make a concerted effort to put other peoples opinions out of your mind. How you live your life is exactly what it says. Your life. What does it matter to anyone whether you go out or stay at home? You know what your limits are. One thing I have been doing is taking every day as it comes. I am now putting yesterday behind me, start the day fresh, see how I can cope with pain the best I can and with what I have available. Depending on how tired I am, like you I really struggle to get a full nights sleep in, I try to attempt some project no matter how small. I moved my small telly on to a trolly with wheels and sorted my cd collection into a better spot. Today I shall tidy out a display cabinet, put stuff aside for fetes and things. Just small things Joe but at the end of the day I have made my life easier, cleared some junk and given my space a fresh new look. It might take me a week but I will get there! Look after yourself. There is a saying in South Africa ( my husbands home country) " Alle sal reg kom" Everything will come right! Cheers Ann
Hi superannie, and Joe, What good advice you have given Ann , what happened yesterday you cant do anything about and every day is a new beginning, I have lived my life the last three years doing exactly what you have suggested. I was in excruciating pain from my waist down and was housebound for twelve months it was hard work getting my medication right but with a Iot of I can do this and determination I am getting there, every day I do something for myself it makes me feel good. Good luck to you Joe, I hope you get something from the advice and experience of other people on here lots of love tricia
Hi Tricia, I have to admit that some days I accomplish sweet nothing! that's ok, try again tomorrow! waiting to get appointment at the pain clinic now as the meds are not doing their job, that was a new one on me, I had no idea your body gets used to them. Have been thinking there is something serious wrong, the big " C"? Wish I had a manual that explains all this. Must say this site is great. Friendly people and I have learnt a hell of a lot about meds and procedures. I think we could all be employed in the medical industry we know so much! I was at my Gp the other day and told him what I had and which meds I preferred! He was quite taken aback. I asked him why it bothered him, I was saving him time and he can shove another poor bugger into the last 5mins of my appointment. Have a great day in this wonderful weather. Ann
I feel like that too, sometimes – scared to go out my front door – as it's hard to control what happens outside – if I were required to stand for too long because a neighbor wants to speak to me, or whether it's just people not understanding my pain. But staying inside all the time can definitely cause depression. So try not to care what other people are thinking (or saying) about you, but they're probably more concerned with themselves. Deb's comment made me laugh, as I am always thinking I'm a wimp with a low pain threshold! I feel like, if someone else were in my situation, they'd be out there, doing everything, but I don't know if that's true. It's just that we can get a bit paranoid, with people not 'believing' our pain so often, and in my case for instance, telling me all the time that I can do more. So I end up feeling like a big chicken! But just because people believe something about you doesn't make it true. It's hard, by try to keep going. Take care, Kat
Unfortunately there are always going to be some people who make assumptions and have a huge misconception about how much better they would be at coping etc etc. Believe it or not it even happens in the world of cancer patients. As in " I tolerated my chemo better so I am somehow a better stronger person" - complete rot - just the luck of the draw IMO.
Remember the maxim those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Very true. Also agree with person who says that most people are too busy thinking about their own lives and rarely give a thought to others so take that on board and try to take people as they come and don't join the people who make assumptions about others with no facts or experience to go on.
Hey Joe, who cares if people are talking.. if they talk about one person they leave someone else alone. If your pain isnt controlled and you are not having enough sleep, things can seem to be more important than they are.. many people I speak to dont understand how I feel. You do have to experience chronic pain to have any idea. Depression is often a consequence of fatigue and pain.. I felt overwhelmed by it.. but I try to focus on the good things in life, dont always succeed, cried myself to sleep some nights. Some people compete too..ie their pain is worse or they cope better etc etc. Its not a competition. You feel as you do and nobody is the same as the next person. I feel better because I read up on conditions I have and speak to doctors knowing something of why I have pain and that there are things to try.. Meds are good to help if they agree with you but I may try meditation or yoga or tai chi. Always wanted to be a hippy. Take care and live your own life as well as you can x
Joe you must make the effort to go out, staying inside as the others have said will make you feel worse. No one will be judging you but having chronic pain can make you paranoid as people can't see pain, but it's real to you and that's all that matters.
Gossipers are small minded people with nothing better to do. There is something lacking in their lives and gossipping gives them a bit of power and excitement (they are the first to know and share - accuracy is not always important, an embellished half truth will do).
People are entitled to make their own opinions about others accurate or not. Thats freedom of speech. It hurts that very few actually take the time to find out more and I've stopped seeing people I thought were good friends because of it. I also avoid well eastablished groups because of the bitchiness between one group and another and have sought out other oddballs like myself who just let you be who you are. Its great, I don't have to explain why I'm quiet, or grumpy, its just accepted as me being me. Its such a relief not having to worry about what others may think.
When you factor it into your life, you've told us about your supportive wife, your wee boys that you take to school, trying to reduce your meds, that you have been on a course, are thinking of starting a business and you do all this with the pain you have, these people become extremely insignificant and definitely not worth all this time chatting about them. Despite everything, you will have a sunny future, it will be a long journey there, and the gossipers? They'll only have gossiping.
It is hard not to get upset or paranoid about them, but you are worth a hundred times more than any of them. I sometimes drop a wee white lie on a gossiper and wait and see how it ends up after its done the rounds.
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