Being a parent with pain

It was hard enough when they were really small and I had numerous days of "one of mummy's bad face aches". CBeebies was a regular baby sitter, though they seem to be none the worse for it.

They are more independent as they grow, though still rely on me for a lot of things. At least they can safely make a hot drink and the bigger one can fetch the smaller one from school if I'm feeling rough (and without me resorting to bribery). I don't have to rush back from hospital appointments or worry about childcare as much.

So last week, during a vile flare up I left them to it, in front of the telly. I took my eye off the ball. Normally protestations that no, they did not have any homework at all would be met with deep suspicion and a school bag search. But I just couldn't get my co-dyramoled foggy head to think straight, and so a large amount of homework scraped under my radar. Then I discovered the acumulated homework and all hell broke loose.

Glad to say I am fully-functioning again now, and we have completed a marathon week of getting all the homework in on time and have avoided detentions, but it's been a lot of sweat, tears and toil (even some blood as a wobbly tooth came out).

So no, it's probably not easier as they get older, and as we are now getting a taste of teenagerdom from the oldest I am bracing myself for more battles. Sometimes I think they like me better when I have pain - more TV, more computer time, no nagging to have a wash / eat vegetables / pick their dirty clothes up.

Now I am off outside to help check the windspeed (geography homework). I don't believe for one minute that my pep talk earlier has led to this rush of cooperation from the older one, I know for a fact she is after something!

7 Replies

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  • well done its hard isnt it, being ill and in your case teenagers!! what condition do you have?

  • there's no name for what I've got. I've got a wonky spine (but it's pretty minor) and some extra ribs. As a result I have grown lopsided and got excessive muscle tension in one shoulder & my neck, so lots of little trigger points have built up in the muscle which get over-excited and cause pain. And migraine too.

  • hi,well done you,iv been like i am now for six years so iv been through young children and now two ov them are teenages,it is hard work but i must say i found it harder when they were younger,i do miss been able to go out say shopping with my daughter like i did with her big sister but they have learned to live with what i can and carnt do now.good luck im behind you all the way!!!!x

  • For a start I would just like to say a big well done to you. Your a angel to people like us who are in pain everyday.

    Am in a similar situation as you, I have younger boys, ages are 3, 6, 8, yes my hands are full, but with the help of the wife ye I get there.

    Joe

  • I would say a "well done" to anyone with children. There are no medals, and I am certainly no hero. My kids have had to put up with more then most thanks to family health problems, but they are lucky compared to the children who are their parents' carers - a situation that shocks me every time I watch a report on Children in Need of a child getting their mum or dad washed and toileted before they can go to school.

    I am fortunate enough to be able to look after myself and to go to work, and even on a bad day I will often keep going because the children need me to, so that's a good thing.

    My kids don't see me as heroic - the youngest once challenged my bravery at having had some painful injections : " You can't have been very brave because when we have injections we get stickers, and you haven't got any!" The eldest has written a note to her teachers in preparation for parent-teacher consultations tomorrow :" Please can my mum have late appointments as she has got to go to the hospital first and is drowsy after." How sweet and thoughtful but not exactly true (I am sometimes sore and tired), and I wonder what the teachers will expect to walk through the door?!

  • I feel for you, I have a 15 year old daughter and a 11 year old son, pain has been in our lives forever and most of the time they are good but I know they use the fact I am in pain to their ad advantage but when the poop hits the fans they throw it in my face too. My daughter is really going through a tough time but shutting me out and using my illness to get her way. Somedays I am too weak to fight. Strength being sent to you and well done sorting the homework out, my brain is mush most days so I admire you for that xx

  • That is hard. I remember being a teenager was painful in itself but it's not that easy trying to be sympathetic sometimes. I rushed to get back from pain clinic today to find younger child had gone AWOL after school (nothing serious, just a case of mild forgetfulness and some inconvenience to the rest of us) but ended up running to find him / get to the next place I had to be. This was all on top of having had 21 trigger point injections this afternoon so I felt dreadful. I was not happy. Other parents must have wondered why I was so angry (I used to be the one in the playground with the gabapentin-crazy eyes).

    Peace is now restored.

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