Hi there !

I posted a comment on Suzanne hadfenoughs blog ( I think) Im not very good on the computer!! It was about coping without help. Id like all my friends to read it and would welcome some feedback Love and healing hugs to you all Lynn XX

[SueLR]

Hi Lynn,

I read your comment. I'm so sorry you feel so stressed.

We all have bad times, but this feels like more than this. I think you need to stop whatever you are doing now and phone your doctor, or whoever else you feel comfortable talking to, even the Samaritans. Remember that there are people here, and I would imagine lots of people who love you as well, who care very deeply about you and would be shocked if they realised how you are feeling.

I haven't been ill very long compared to other people, but I have discovered that it isn't worth thinking about the end game, and lots of people on this website have had many years in remission, which gives me great encouragment. If you read about the lovely things people are able to do, even with cancer, you realise that there is still a lot to live for.

Please reach out an talk to someone now. I know it's hard to pick up the phone, but be brave and do it, and let us know how you are doing.

Sending virtual hugs.

Sue x

[MargaretJ]

Hi lynne

I too read your blog! Call your Macmillan nurse NOW! You really need someone to talk turkey to your family. I too was obsessive about the house, I use my Attendance Allowance to pay someone to clean for me as I have not the energy. Try exploding! Buy a bell and use it to summon help when you are in bed. I am lucky my daughter and my sister provided help and support during my 1st lot of chemo and the debulking op, this time it has just been my (unmarried) high profile executive daughter who has been there fo me as my sis has been diagnosed with breast cancer and neither lives close. Sister is 100 miles away and daughter 200! Were I still married ex would be as much use as a chocolate teapot. Start thinking of yourself. Stop cooking, buy yourself tasty little treats you can nibble, fresh pineapple, nice cheese, really good pate, stay in bed until they have left each day and go back to bed before they get home! Their trouble is they are in denial! You need someone to talk turkey to them does anyone go to clinic with you? I met a man who let his wife go through all the consultations and chemo on her own because he does not like hospitals. She died quite quickly! Put me right off him!

This is a marvellous site but you do need extra support! Try to develop blinkers and just clean the bath/shower before you use it yourself.

Margaret!

[Frenchdeb]

I'm not being funny, Sue and Margaret, but maybe the Samaritans and Macmillan are not available where Lynne is (RSA)? Here in France things are done very differently so it may be so there too.

Lynn, clearly you need help as does your family. How would you feel about paying somebody to do the cleaning? Here it was offered to me on the state as soon as I was diagnosed (I didn't need it as it happens as I have a cleaner and a gardener paid for by the guy who put me in a wheelchair three years ago.) It really does help to take the pressure off.

What about your friends? Have you got somebody close to use as a sounding board? Is there a cancer support group in RSA (we have an English speaking charity over here which is so helpful with the practical part of having the disease over here) who could maybe find you a "cancer buddy" to chat to?

Failing that, we are always here for you. xxx

[BusyLizzie]

Hi Lynn,

The only additional thought I had was do you have councelling for your OCD? This may be the more manageable of the two to tackle. If you can learn to let go a little on the cleanliness and order, it may make this all a little more bearable.

Love Lizzie

X

[Hidden]

Hi all,

Thanks for all your comments and opinions i really appreciate them. I think i came across wrong but it doesnt matter. Yes they tried to treat me for my ocd but only reduced it a little unfortunately. I also have severe depression and panic disorder. Quite amazing when you have been so depressed as to being suicidal then you get told you got cancer Ironically all of a sudden you dont want to die! Weird eh? I dont get any help from my family even if i ask and even if its not done properly i still dont get help. I feel so despondent like they dont care Hell they dont even make me a cup of tea! Luckily living in RSA i can employ a domestic worker and i do have one she doesnt do much but its a help. Ive been trying to iron as she is on holiday for 2 weeks and ive goy chemo hands (dead fingers) so holding the iron was difficult. Theres about 15 loads of washing to be ironed and i cant do it.

I suppose some of you will think me spoilt having a domestic but im not i like to do my stuff myself(when health permits me) But when the chemo kicks in and im left lying in bed without a glass of water then reality hits home. Nobody seems to care or ask when the tears flow whats wrong. It hurts really it does when i do ask for something i get shrugs of shoulders and the brisk walk if you know what i mean. Im sorry if i sound pitiful but to be honest at the moment im feeling so sad and unwanted to end my life would maybe be a release. And yet my dream is to go home to live but reading the statistics on oc it doesnt really look good or does it? I dont know. Anyway thanks girls for your ears im sorry to be so pathetic but like i said i could write a book. God Bless you all Healing hugs and love always Lynn XXXX

[BusyLizzie in reply to Hidden]

Lynn sweetie,

Here is a big hug. {{{{{{{Lynn}}}}}}}}.

In your shoes I would form a 3 point plan.

1) See your GP. Tell him about all these feelings and ask him to review your requirement for anti-depressants.

2) Look at additionally get some home care once a day. They should make sure you have a fresh glass of water by your bed and a rest. Then they could help make in roads to whichever undone task you find most worrying e.g. the ironing.

3) From previous posts I believe you have said your CA125 is now normal. As soon as your chemo is over, plan for a trip back to Wales. Just a visit will cheer you up.

Love Lizzie

X

[Hidden in reply to BusyLizzie]

Thanks for replies i am truly gtrateful. I just had my 5th chemo on 12th Jan and thought i was doing well until Saturday and all hell broke loose i ended up taking more pills than necessary( not quite and o/d) i was so angry and aggressive whick isnt like me at all im a very placid person. I scared the s*** out of the family but things soon got back to normal when i got up and about again. I have an horrific fear of dying i know its morbid but with this being my 2nd cancer i feel as though the demons got me already. I am a catholic but i dont know what i believe any more. I want to go to live back in Wales but wonder if its worth it you know with having the big C.Then i think maybe i,ll be one of the lucky ones that survive (Are there any that do?????) I wish i wasnt so sad and anxious and hope i dont upset and offend anyone on the site its not my intention to do so . Love and healing hugs Lynn XXXXX PS my CA125 is 10

[BusyLizzie in reply to Hidden]

Hi Lynn,

Your CA125 is 10. That is wonderful AND you have not finished you chemo YET. It is all good. I would suggest a holiday to Wales before you think of relocating. Why not make it your treat for finishing chemo in remission.

Love Lizzie

X

[Hidden]

Hi Lizzie,thanks for your reply. I was back home in Wales in 2010 and decided then thats where i wanted to retire. Although ive been in RSA for 34yrs ive always wanted to be back home. I would receive treatment as im a British Citizen and have NHS. Look treatment here in South /Africa is good and very quick but i dont want to stay here any more. This is going to sound rude of me but please forgive me do you think im not going to make it that long to finalise everything? What a s*** question to put to you but i really DO value your wisdom and knowledge and would love your input. South Africa has changed so much with crime etc and believe it or not the only thing food wise that is more expensive is red meat over there.The rest is about the same some cheaper. Houses are very expensive at home compared to here but at least they,re smaller and more manageable. Its a big step for us but as i said i would like your reply. You are becoming like a mentor to me and i do really think you are a wonderful person and regard you now as afriend also.Lizzie please dont be offended at my question i apologise in case. Think we,ve swapped seasons too! I believe you having mild weather over there and theres me today with a cardi on! Wow have we had some rain and bad storms Anyway i,ll leave youwith love and hugs always Lynn XXXXX

[BusyLizzie in reply to Hidden]

Hi Lynn,

I think you'll settle back home with no problems - you are in remission! The only reason I suggested a holiday rather than moving is that it is a big step after being in RSA for so long, and may be with all the other things going on, it may be a big one to bite off and chew.

We had a little cold spell earlier this week, but is mild now. Nothing like last winter. I am not your mentor for sure, I am just struggling along like the rest of us, tyring to help each other along and take comfort where I can find it.

Love Lizzie

X