Hello ladies, just an update, and to let off some steam. After the week I spent in hospital with high temperature (and thank you all for the good advice your gave me), I've had 1 more dose of Topotecan, and have now started cycle two. But I don't think it's working. The pain in my abdomen and back is getting worse, and I'm now on slow release morphine tablets and a real cocktail of pills for the night. THe pain is manageable during the day, with paracetamol and ibroprufen, but nights are horrible. As soon as I get into bed the pain flares up, and despite the meds, including liquid morphine, I don't seem to get more than a couple of hours of sleep per night. Am exhausted and I think the morphine is messing with my head, I haven't cried so much since being diagnosed.
I've discussed this with the Macmillan nurse and the palliative care doctor, but they don't seem to want to believe me when I tell them that the night pill cocktail is not working and that morphine does not agree with me. I'm going to have to tell them that I've started feeling suicidal. Living with constant pain, no sleep and always near to tears is not my idea of good quality of life.
I won't know if Topotecan is working until mid March, the earliest I can have another scan (I had one in Jan.). But if it isn't, I feel like I'm at the end of the road, and that this pain is only just the beginning of the final nightmare. I'm not sure that I'm strong enough to cope.