im 37 years old. and back in june i had a large tumor removed from my left ovary.. this turned out to be a secondary cancerous tumor... but they said that the cells were not typical of ovarian cancer so it must have come from somewhere else.. i had tests scans biopsys and nothing came back conclusive.. but the experts said that the next step should be a full hysterectromy this was a hard thing for me to accept as i only have 1 child and did want more.. but you have to beleive in the experts..
3 weeks ago i had the hysterectomy and im waiting for the histology to come back which i think is next fri... ive been told i will have to have chemo but the type of chemo will depend on the histology results...
im a very frightened woman right now with so many emotions running through me i feel very alone even though im not... nut i dont know anyone who has been through anything like this so i have no idea what to expect.. i feel like im not me anymore and i just want my life back..
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suzannehadenough
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although I'm older than you I felt the same, everything I read was doom and gloom. until I found this site so many people share your experiences and can answer questions etc. I really bounced back after my hysterectomy wasn't as bad as expected. although had to have another op this year. and have just started chemo, which again wasn't as bad as expected, so try and keep your chin up, we are all here to help and advise if you want, sometime its easier to get your fears out to people you don't know, rather than keep worrying those close to you, we are all here to support each other, please let us know how you get on. Bosue x
i just feel that very little information is forthcoming from the doctors etc... ive always planned things in my life and when i want to know whats going to happen next all they say is take it one step at a time... that doesnt help me as i just cant do it... i worry that my daughter will be left without a mum. im scared of everything i feel every twinge off pain every spout of dizziness.. i worry that all this is going to kill my relationship because hes not really astrong person and is used to me doing everything... i cant get my head around whats happening and feel very cheated it just isnt fair,... im very down and am trying so hard to pick myself up... which i always have done before but just cant seem to this time..
ive heard that the chemo isnt as bad as im imagining it to be but i am still so scared.. i pray everyday for all this to go away.. (how silly is that) im just not coping..
you can phone ovacome and speak to someone who will help or macmillian, they are great and offer professional advice, pluck up the courage and give them a ring, i'm sure they can help x
p.s macmillan phone number 0808 808 00 00 I contacted them before I found this site, and as soon as they answered I just burst into tears!! they were great. also ovacome number (I think) 0845 680 2072 they are both there to help x
It's awful. I'm 39 and just started chemotherapy after hysterectomy. I'm on day 4 and just feel a bit wiped out. I have a child too and was devastated I can't have any more. Feels like you have no control over your life anymore. Everyone expects you to be strong but I say cry when you want to and talk to anyone who is close to you to help them understand how you feel. Lots of love xx
hi... just wondered how are you having your chemo??? thanks for sharing with me it does mean a lot that other people who know how i feel are there to talk to. xxx
Your feelings are entirely understandable, poor you. You will find times when you have to cry and rage and feel hard done by, but you will get through, I'm sure. Try to concentrate on really little things, one at a time, like giving your little girl a special time --maybe cooking together or reading a fun story. It will do your soul good, although it won't answer any of the hundreds of questions that are floating round your mind. It will also reassure her because she's probably picked up on how worried you are. The medical teams that are investigating what's going on with you, will be taking care not to scare you unnecessarily or to give you false hope. You probably can see the sense in that. I know it probably won't help you just yet, but you will get through all this. It's good that you've found this site because there's always someone who you can share a rant with, especially if you don't want to scare your other half ...he's probably as scared as you are and possibly wondering how he can support you. It is sometimes as hard for the others around us but in a different way.
I had a hysterectomy nearly 9 years ago, after 22 years of trying for a baby I suffered from low pain, heavy periods and endometriosis, fibroids and was finally diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I am now healthy, happy and fitter than ever. I only tell you this for you to see that, however bleak things look, there is a life beyond, I am sure. The hysterectomy wasn't anywhere ear as bad as I thought it would be and I got superb support from everyone at the hospital. I'm sure you will too.
sorrry to hear about your bad times... im so happy that your now healthy and happy it gives me hope that one day ill have my life back.... i am so scared though.. xxx
I'm fine now, the bad times are gone, only the future can be changed! It's completely understandable, how you're feeling, Suzanne. All the best. You must look after yourself.
Love Wendy xx
Hi Suzanne,
Yes, the world is crashing down around you at the moment - and you can't take control. However; when the doctors have a better picture of what your disease was, and what treatment you need now, there will be decisions to make about what chemo you have (or not), etc. There are also things you can do now in terms of your health and recovery, and your prognosis. Get hold of 'Anticancer- a new Way of Life', and learn what those things are. It will help you to take a little control back and feel less helpless.
It is awful, unfair, frightening, etc - and you need help to talk all that through, so find a counsellor through Macmillan if you can. At the moment you are in shock from your diagnosis, your operation, the anaesthetic and your changing hopes for the future - you are going through a post traumatic shock process - but it will get better- and so will you.
You have a big project to re-negotiate life after cancer and your loss of your ability to have more children, but now you must concentrate on getting well and staying well for what will unfold to be a much happier future.
Reading this is like reading my own thoughts, I feel exactly how you do.. Sometimes I just want everyone to understand what I'm feeling but no one will if they havnt gone through it. Feel like its taken over your whole life and your not you anymore you are just this person with a horrible illness, that's how I feel. I find the best way is to keep busy doing other things, I know that's not helpful right now because you have just had massive surgery. I havnt had my surgery yet that's next friday so I can't exactly put myself in your position yet but if you ever feel people are different around you just say, I'm still me, people seem to be walking on eggshells around me, either that or they have vanished from my life. When your feeling better why not have a day of pampering or something, that always makes me feel like my old self again, even if its just for them few hours. Its fun with a friend, I have pretty much lost all my friends since all this I'm not sure why its like they avoid me but I hope this isn't the case with you.. You should wait till your feeling better and do something that you used to.. Everyone is allowed their down days when things get too much but by how your talking I'm guessing your quite like me where you may feel like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders but then you see your child and you have to shake it off.. I find when I'm feeling down its best to do something fun with my little girl, I cant cry in front of her it will upset her and she keeps my mind off everything.. This is all stuff you probably already know and do so I'm not sure how much help I have been, but just don't lose who you are
you sound so much like me... i feel for you so much and i hope that your surgery goes ok.. your friends are probably worried about saying the wrong thing but i bet you wish you could make them see that you need them more than ever right now... just to be normal with you its so important to have the things that your used to when everything else is so alien.... my friends have kinda done the same but i have a couple of good ones who are there for me when i need them.. my family dont really understand what im feeling and i find myself snapping at them sometimes then i feel guilty..
keep intouch with me nikki i think we can help each other. xxx
I will definatly stay in touch, seems like your feeling the same as me. My friends don't seem to get it, at the moment the main thing I keep hearing is not being able to do anything for my 21st birthday, I know they can't relate to it but I do sometimes feel like saying oh my god seriously all I need is someone to call me and say fancy me comin round watching some girly films, eating loads of chocolate and gossiping about rubbish, but none of my friends do that, I only hear from them when I get hold of them, your lucky you have some good friends still supporting you. I quite like when I see my friends because all they talk about is the most trivial things about boyfriends and stuff it just makes me laugh now because I've really learnt what's important and what's not, feel like I'm so far away from the girl I used to be that I have no common ground anymore when I'm with people that just a few months ago were my best friends.. I think family just find it so scary, just the word 'cancer' even, but does seem sometimes you have to be strong for them when really it should be the other way round.. How are you feeling now after the op? I'm terrified that I'm going to wake up from my operation and be told everything had to go, the thought of not having another baby is hard, but then I also see it as I had 4 miscarriages since july 2010, and I don't think I'm strong enough to go through that again. How old is your daughter? I'm worried that if I become really ill then my daughter won't remember me as me, her first memories of me will be in and out of hospital and I hate that so much.. Everyone goes on about you must stay strong and that's fine for them to say their not the ones going through it, I find myself coming upstairs a few times a day having a quick cry then having to go and be normal again, feels like I have to hide being upset, I get the feeling you do the same kind of thing.. Did you have any pains before your operation, and have they stopped now? I was in loads of pain when I first found all this out, and then it seemed to stop but the last few days I felt a few twinges, now I feel like I have a constant stabbing pain on my left side where the tumor is.. Sorry for this essay, I could ramble on for ages, just nice finally being able to say what I want and know I'm actually being understood x
i completely understand nikki, and you dont have to appologise for anything... its so very hard to deal with all thats happening to you...
i know how scared you are that your going to wake up and they will have took everything thats exactly how i felt back in june as i went in for just the tumor and one ovary remnoved i was so happy when i woke up and they said it went to plan and i still had one ovary left.. but then 6 weeks later they told me id have to everything removed anyway.. made me wish i had consented to it all in the first place but i really had to take the chance.
after the first op in june i recovered quite well and was back at work within 3 weeks.. it wasnt keyhole or anything i had the full insision but i just seemed to heal so well.. but this time round it has taken me a little longer and to be honest 3 weeks later im only just starting to feel human again... but im getting there now, only thing is people keep thinking that now ive had the op its all over when in effect for me its only just starting i still have the fear of chemo to come and thats just scaring me.,... your right when you say that you feel you have to be strong for everyone else family just dont seem to be dealing with it at all.. and even though i want people to be normal around me i hate it when people try to pretend like its not happening at all... i guess people cant win really i just wish they could understand how i feel..
your op wont be bad at all im sure and they do take good care of you.. but if you have any questions make sure you ask them because i came home with loads of unaswered questions and they just play on your mind till your next appt so make sure your clear on everything before you go home... have they told you how long you will be in for????
your op is on the same day as my histology results so ill find out what kind of chemo im going to be having...
im here if you need to ask anything hun and will help if i can..
The problem with friends is that they don't know whether to mention it or not. I am complelety open and tell everybody, (sometimes it gets over powering when they keep telling you how strong you are!), but it is far easier to let people know than try to hide it. I'm afraid planning for the future is out for now, all you can do is take each day as it comes, and make the most of it. If your partneri is will not accept it I suggest soembody talks to him, and tries to explain, if you have no support especially with a child, it is very difficult when you are having a bad time. There are also local support groups where you can have a chat, and perhaps find some help if you need it. There are details on where they are on this site.
Just try to stay positive and do what your body tells you!
i know exactly how you are feeling i was diagnosed in feb. the docs were not sure whether it was breast or oc cancer, it turned out to be oc where they found i had secondary oc cancer in my liver i have had six sesssions of chemo and told that oc has gone but they wont operate because it can reactivate the liver oc. I have terrible days where i feel that i have no future and really frightened what is going to happen but this site is brilliant everyone is so positive. i hope your news is good try and take one day at a time, take care of yourself nikkix
just want to say thankyou to all of you who have left a comment... i wish i could tell you just how much it means to me that your all hear to listen and share things with.. i dont feel as alone as i did yesterday... i pray for all of us to make good recoveries..
Hi, I just wanted to day your not alone. I am in the same place as you-I was told on Friday I have full blown invasive ovarian cancer (not borderline as I was told last year) there are spots on my liver and spleen. I'm going to have chemo but they only hope to get me in remission.
I'm 32 with two little girls. I've aready had 3 major operations in 16 months including a hysterectomy. I feel so frightened, bitter, angry all those things. You need time to work through all your emotions. It helps to hear from other on hear and get advice. Good luck xxx
Well I suppose they think the chemo won't be able to get rid of the tumor on the liver and because of it's position near major blood vessels it's inoperable.
I'm sending all you girls a huge hug. You are all going through so much and it's so bewildering how to cope when you're in the early stages. I know that I felt better when I knew exactly what I was facing. Yeah I know It seems easy for me to say, all this, but you are in my thoughts and I'm sending you all the positive vibes and thoughts I can for your future to be better than you think it is at the moment. Friends and family are so difficult to deal with, I felt I had to appear strong (I didn't feel it) but they are probably scared as hell too and just don't know what to say. Greybadger's advice is good, be open, bring up the subject, use a bit of black humour if you can, it all helps them to see it's OK to talk to you about it.
Consider whether to get some counselling or other support if you can, your hospital specialist gynae/oncology nurse should be able to put you in touch with someone, or Macmillan have access to people who can support women who are surviving all this, they are not just for palliative care.
I do agree with Wendydee. You are all going through very difficult times - I can only imagine how hard it must be when you have small children But if you haven't spoken to your GP, specialist nurse or Macmillan about counselling I would recommend it. I found my GP and a counsellor invaluable - especially when I was going through the 'I don't feel like me anymore' stage. That is horrible and it was great having help getting through it.
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