Hi there you lovely people, I saw my oncologist on Wednesday who said I was still not strong enough to go on the bowel chemo i should have for my mucinous cancer. I had a major debulking op in Jan this year where they discovered my ovarian mucinous was in fact gastrointestinal mucinous, it had simply spread to the ovaries. My original diagnosis was July 2018 when a biopsy confirmed it's mucinous nature. From that point on I argued for the bowel chemos but was refused as it appeared, none the less, to be ovarian? I had done my research and knew that mucinous was best treated with the bowel chemos regardless. So I was given 3 rounds of Carboplatin and Taxol in Sep, Oct Nov last year. The first 2 worked but the Nov infusion failed, this was shown to be the case by a CT scan shortly before Christmas. I was then lined up for the bowel chemos in Jan but an internal blockage and emergency surgery arrived first. So here I am in April being told that as I have slowly regained some strength from the op the cancer has also regained strength. I was told the chemo would make me more poorly than I already was, plus it would not gain me extra time and quality of life would be very poor. The oncologist wanted me to enjoy whatever time I had left with my family. Initially i was very upset as was my husband. However within a couple of hours I felt like I had come out the end of a long dark tunnel into the light? I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and joy and knew with every fibre of my being that I was on the right road, in the right place etc? I now feel totally at peace with everything and yet I've no real idea of what's going on or what this all means? I guess I'm just pleased to be happy but I've no idea if I'm staying in this life or leaving??!!
Maureen - X
Written by
Lymetree
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
I am sad to hear about your disease progression but pleased that you feel at peace. Maybe you just need to give it a few days to check that this feeling is real but if it is then your decision is made.
What a lovely end to your post 💕 one thing is for sure is that ovarian cancer or not we will all have to confront our future path at some point. I think we are so wrapped up in doing something to treat this cancer that we sometimes forget to stop and enjoy the lovely life each day that is in front of us xx.
I hope that when my treatment is exhausted i have the grace and strength to face it and get your epiphany After all peace and family and strength are all we ask for, it sounds like you have it in buckets. Many ladies since i have been around this site (5yrs) have made a choice to stop treatment and many found this much longer and more satisfying than anything else. I hope you are having a little miracle of your own and have a long happy path ahead of you
It was the way that I was overcome by such a sense of Love and peace, it was so absolutely right and simply perfect and suddenly all the dark shadows had gone and I was standing in brilliant sunshine. What on earth do you decide after something like that? My husband is a bit upset that I won't be fighting at any price, trouble is, it's the suffering I can't stand, death is ok with me because I know it's simply a new beginning. I'm 69 but had I been younger with small children I would be fighting to stay with them. So I've had a good life. I have a high functioning autistic son who has just landed himself a job in Malvern, miles from Basingstoke hampshire, but he has a future shaping up now. I've no idea why I get blessed with the experiences I have but this was definitely a thumbs up it's ok, I approve from that infinite source of Love that has many names.
I will keep you posted just to see if this is going to unfold further for me. M x
Oh my, I know exactly what you're talking about Lymetree; I too, had the same sensations of love, peace, connection and well, just utter conviction, when I decided not to have chemo at all after my surgery last year, I just knew it was right for me to refuse it. During that time when I was trying to make the decision, all I knew was it just felt wrong to have chemo... and after a week or three of research, seeing the psychologist, then being entirely alone, thinking and resting, I 'heard' my (or an) internal voice say, 'it makes no difference to the eventual outcome whether you do or don't' and the sense of wrongness disappeared.... All the darkness, the crashing, stormy, heaving dark sea I was trying to steer my boat through just went, and yes, it was like popping out into the sun in still, calm waters, like being wrapped by an unseen presence almost. .Or like having struggled through the darkness and lashing rain to the top of the mountain to find a beautiful, sunlit, calm plateau.. this is the 'state of grace' I keep waffling on about... I think its something to do with acceptance, of releasing control ... I'm not religious, but it feels like, well, guidance, connection, in that I am not alone. It is quite weird if you're not religious, but that's what it felt like. You got there by a slightly different route, but its the same place nonetheless; and yes, we know its probably going to get sticky, the journey is not yet complete, but hang on to that feeling, or the memory of it... all I know is, I've already had longer being more or less well than I technically should have done since diagnosis, especially given I've had no other treatments.
For those who are not in the same space, I'd just add I am also now coming up 69 in a few days, and am stage 4b... that's a very different situation to many other ladies on here.
Thank you so much for your wonderful response and also sharing it with us. Your experience has described mine exactly. I am so pleased that there are people here who are able to relate to it and make sense of it. This helps to provide support to those people who don't understand what they are experiencing. Your right about religion or belief not coming into it, it's completely beyond our human minds to grasp. But one thing is for sure, it's love, way beyond our limited human understanding of what we think love is.
It’s your life, your body, if you feel you have exhausted every avenue and you are happy with your decision, who are we to argue.
I was 1c mucinous and I don’t know where you differ and am not an expert, but if it were me I would be looking for a second opinion and other options, life is precious and I’m not going without a fight.
However.......your body, your decision, maybe speak to Anna on here?
Your situation sounds complex. All I can say is that I am glad you feel at peace. I hope you have some fulfilling experiences in whatever time there is.
You seem to have found the white light that so many long to experience.
It is wonderful that you have had such a satisfying life.
Bowel cancer is so destructive and so full of torments, that facing all that future misery does seem nearly impossible.
Being at peace and loving and living one day at a time seems to be bringing you joy. That’s an awesome thing.
It is interesting, that when we get close to death, as with this terrible disease, we suddenly become accepting and strangely calm.
I have experienced this twice, once when I was only nineteen, and recently, when I landed in hospital, starved and weak as a kitten, because I did not know I had cancer. After the doctor told me what was wrong and how serious my condition was, I suddenly felt free and totally calm, and just like when I was nineteen, I said to myself, “ah, so this is how it ends.” And fell into a peaceful sleep..
Surprisingly, both times my body rallied and I lived to fight another day.
Oh Maureen. I'm glad you feel ok though. Essentially, you could now aim to enjoy the treatment free time as long as possible, right? Maybe go somewhere, if you're up for that.
In case you change your mind and want to try chemo anyway, I'm sure that should be possible too.
In any case I hope the cancer keeps a low profile for a while, and you will feel comfortable and happy. Many hugs. Maus
I wish you all the best, continued peace and acceptance and as much good health as possible. much love Dawn
Hi Maureen I’m glad you feel at peace that is a wonderful place to be but as others have suggested maybe you could seek a second opinion and maybe from a bowel expert?
I truly hope whatever you decide you have time and the energy to make more lovely memories with your loved ones xx
Dearest Maureen, I really can’t add much more to what Diane has said, her words rang a bell with me as do yours, to have found a peace with your situation is possibly the most gratifying and good place for you to be. I am so sorry your prognosis possibly isn’t for lots of time, but then again who really knows, but to have the serenity to go forward with peace and joy is something lost to so many. I send all my warmest thoughts and love to you and all your family and hope you are all able to create lots of wonderful times and memories and live your lives to the full together with love for as long as possible, none of us know how long we’re here for. I hope your husband is able to find his own peace with the situation you find yourselves in.
Take care lovely lady and keep in touch with us ❤️Xx Jane
Just touched and hope that whatever lies ahead for you is comfortable and able to give you time with your loved ones. Support here online from us all! 🙏💕
It has all been said on this thread so beautifully by others so all I want to do is add that I am sending you support with whatever decision it is you choose to make (or have chosen). To be at peace with choices--whatever they be--is what we all want, even if treatment is that decision. Wishing you all the best and thinking about you. oxox
for what ever it maybe worth. My insurance wouldn't cover a my recurrence and even if they would have I think I would have chosen to not go for it. I have another two ladies here in my area that also have Ovarian Cancer we were all dx about the same time 3c... they both went through another round of 6 treatments and have had nothing but one hospitalization after another and no real reduction in their cancer and very poor quality of life and now they are being told go enjoy your life as their is nothing more they can do. The peace that I have had has and is still amazing.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
My diagnosis 
First time posting....
Possible treatment options
Worried my Ca125 is 145 after 5 chemos, one to go.
Good news stories
