Once again this morning my boss sent me an email about a female leadership course she wants me to go on. Since becoming ill and having surgery and chemo and currently being on three monthly "wait and watch" check-ups, I've lost the drive I used to have to further my career. The old Me would have leapt at the opportunity, blitzed the course, and powered on. The new Me has lost all sense of a possible future. I work hard and I enjoy my successes, but I look forward only on a day by day basis. I can't see any sense in pursuing further degrees, additional qualifications, and all the associated buzz. When I had my annual review recently and my boss asked me what I saw myself doing in the future, I broke down and started to cry. Because I can't see anything in the future any more... She then made it worse by saying she wished she'd met me before "all of this", which I consider to be highly inappropriate. It was a very tough choice to decide to go back to work, but I'm still glad I did. I have to assume I've made the right choice for me.
Career aspirations: Once again this morning my... - My Ovacome
Career aspirations
I know exactly how you feel. My boss wants me to go on an aurora course just for women to 'make contacts and get myself noticed'. I work at a university and I keep getting asked if ive reconsidered doing an mba. Umm, not really a priority right now! Nor do I have the drive. I'm focusing on home life and keeping as healthy as I can. I really do think people have no idea until they've been through it. Now I just smile and nod and say I'll think about it. You have to do what's right for you at the time...and ignore everyone else! X x
Jen, you made me smile - that is EXACTLY the course - we'll probably find out we're at the same uni and our bosses know each other! 
I totally get your priorities! My boss also left me to fight my own battle when there was a recent change in the leave policy - I used to get my hospital appointment excluded from my allocation, but she shrugged and said I had to sort it out for myself, or take a day's annual leave. I don't take injustice any more. I went and made my case directly with HR. It's half day sick leave/half working from home, no thanks to my boss.
Really? Wow what a coincidence! That's awful about your leave. It's not like we have any choice, and hospital appointments aren't out of office hours! I get half day 'other absence' so doesn't get counted as sickness but they do get in touch if I go over a certain threshold...which I have. My current boss is great, but she will be retiring soon and I'm dreading getting a new one!
I hope your new boss will be as good as your current one. I hope mine steps sideways soon! Most people are actually very understanding - it's just my boss. I haven't answered her email, to be honest. I think the course will do HER good, as she is in urgent need of people skills!
Just taking a slightly different tack..I think it is good that you were offered the course...Imagine if you had been overlooked because you have had cancer, it would be unfair.
It’s not right for you just now and it may be that you will have different priorities now but that’s your decision xx
Gosh some people are very lacking in empathy and imagination to put it mildly!
How are they ever allowed to sit in the same room as other people let alone manage them?
Shall we write a mandatory course entitled “How to be a Human Being”
I am so glad you posted this - and am in awe of you gals still working! I’ve had a high powered highly stressful career and I honestly believe stres sis a contributor to cancer - I would love to say “ just go in the course enjoy it and take a few days to meet people but actually I totally get that it is way down your priority list right now! I think some honest feedback to your boss with HR would be good! The leave situation is ridiculous and I hope that someone can rectify that for you. Do what YOU want not what your boss wants! Xxx
Thank you so much for your support Hopefulondon. You do get it - also factor in that this kind of course requires an essay-style application - she emailed me about it yesterday and the closing date is today, on my day off! Did she really mean me to pour my precious free time into writing the necessary spiel in such a rush? These courses also come with a hefty dose of "homework", which, you could argue, I could probably do a certain amount at work, but I also have the full-time job itself to cover off. I'm simply not in the right mindset to do it and to be honest, I've already done my fair share of this kind of course. However long I last, my career will never be my highest priority any more. As for the annual leave, I'm saving all the emails from her - she also criticised the "when" of me taking it, i.e. now, towards the end of the academic year. That's not only because the workload is a tad lighter at the moment, it's because I feel so much better than I did a year ago and can actually appreciate and enjoy it. I don't think it's any of her business provided that I deliver my objectives. xxx
Wow, Bellmorebellle. Thank you for sharing this. I can relate to this. In 2013 I went back into corporate Human Resources. I finally got into a position I loved. My new boss is a driver and wanted me to go back for all sorts of certifications . i remember walking out of a major meeting where I was to start recruiting and onboarding tons of new hires. I couldn't breath and thought I was having an anxiety attack. Fast forward, I had a tumor inside me that actually burst and I now was filled with ascites. Surgery, chemo and the 3 mos check ups. I thought my life had been reduced to no future with 3 month installment waiting period. I recovered, went back and continued in the rat race. I was different. Didn't care much about getting ahead. I was more concerned as to whether I would ever see a full year let alone another verification. I loved my job...the human side but not the rest. I actually joked about the fact that I got so much time off during chemo that it was fun. Right. Anyway, in January I had a recurrence and Ihere I am 1 week after my last chemo. Hopefully. During this time, my boss hired my replacement at my urging. That replacement has 2 assistants.
I find that going to work without the pressure of failing or stress is over. At first I was resentful that I was being treated as a special needs person. People opened doors and carried my packages. I'm not comfortable with that. Lol. I'm usually the doer. Shaker and mover. What I do now is blast my favorite songs to and from the city. (Ny). This week I spent looking for the best cherries for the least price. I haven't a clue if my work is effective but I discovered that being there is what I need. Caring for people without looking at my watch is my job satisfaction.
So sorry to go on with this (fist time I opened up about this) but you were behave enough to talk about how most of us feel. Like all we have is the 3 months ahead of us. It wasn't until I joined this board that these lovely ladies helped me realize is that no one has any guarantee of future but dealing with our OC IS LIKE STAYING AHEAD OF A CHROnic CONDITION. NOT TO GET SAPPY But OC helped me stop and listen to he music and smell my coffee. Having hefty bills is my motivation for work but actually enjoying the ride is a major advantage and side effect that OC has forced me to do.
Do whatever makes you feel accomplished. And don't feel guilty when that drive comes back and it will. You are fortunate that now you actually know and appreciate what living one day at a time really feels like. Exhale and enjoy. You have many great experiences ahead of you.
And BTW the best cherries for the money were the least expensive ones. Relatively speaking.
Xox
marisa
Marisa, wow, your post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for posting about your own experience, it was a pleasure to read. I agree with everything you say and completely identify with doing what I need - which is doing the best job possible - but not caring about all the office politics and the rest. I won't let things at work get to me, the petty everyday irritations that I see my colleagues all get riled up about. I see things from a different perspective, and like you, I pursue what is important to me. I get so tired sometimes just trying to be normal - a full five day working week can really take it out of me and sometimes I have to have a nap when I get home. Like you, music keeps me going - I play bass in a band and it is the best therapy ever.
All the very best with what you are doing, so lovely to read about it, you are clearly doing exactly what you love doing. Keep searching out the best cherries! xxx
I can also relate to all this...I was always very career-focussed. My drive softened a bit after having my children, but my passion and enjoyment for my job was still there.
Then I got OC, had masses of time off work, quite ‘enjoyed’ being off (someone told me to think of it as a medical holiday - haha!). When I went back to work it was like walking on shifting sand. I could no longer commit to Big projects because I could only think of my life in 3 month chunks. My colleagues got to work on cooler stuff than me because they had a 6 month window to deliver it in. I struggled with that. Then, just as I dared to start planning ahead, OC reared it’s ugly head again and I was off work...again. So right now, I have been back at work since March on a phased return, am finally feeling settled again and wanting to put my hand up for more tasks. BUT, my CA125 is already sky-high, and I’m waiting on another set of scans. I know what my third line treatment plans are if and when I need them, and I desperately don’t want to let anyone at work down AGAIN. It sucks. Added to this is trying to keep all the plates spinning at home, and life feels very busy at times.
I was asked if I wanted to complete a ‘talent profile’ for a succession planning exercise for future roles and opportunities, and I honestly couldn’t have imagined anything worse! My boss is brilliant, but my priorities are different now. Unfortunately I need the money (and the medical insurance!) so I’m not in a position to give up work.
So yeah, I get you.
Vicki x
Not what you're looking for?
You may also like...
Update rising Ca125 on Niraparib
We dared hardly hope for this good news!
Time taken to start treatment
Panicking a little bit..
Living with Olivia Crawford
Mother's Day and Who's a Mother Anyway
Update from Laura after Finishing Carbo/Caelyx
Liquid Paraffin alert!
Fantastic Christmas present.
Loss of sense of taste
