Post op results. Feeling so low.

[Suzanne333]

Hi all. I feel really low after my meeting. I wasn't given devastating news, guess just the reality that this disease doesn't go away.

My surgeon got my tumours out after I had an excellent response to chemo. He told me today that I have microscopic clusters of cancer cells left in me. I'm due three more chemos and this might help get rid of them for a while. He said my cancer could return within a year or it might not. I'm thinking it will.

He also said that I may not be having the rest of my avastin. Would this be because I'm tumour free at present? I'd rather have it I think.

I just keep crying and I know I need to keep positive but it's so hard. Xxx

[Katmal-UK]

Oh Suzanne, sending you a big hug. When I was first diagnosed I went for a mid-term scan (part way through chemo) and my nurse said 'this will come back and this will shorten your life'. I still carry those words with me over 9 years later. Having said that yr dr didn't say the cancer WOULD return he said it COULD return. I know it's so hard to think positively and I never thought I would be here 9 years later telling other ladies that.

Try and dry those tears and think 'well I'm here now and I am going to make the most of each day'. Look around you, look at what you have in terms of family and others who love you. Plan some treats, days out etc. It does get easier I promise. I remember laying on my bed in an empty house (my hubby was at work) in the foetal position and crying my eyes out but eventually that passes and you move on and accept that you are a cancer survivor! Yes, you have a new 'normal' but you are still here. Sending you a big hug. Kathy xxx

[Katmal-UK]

By the way whose to say it won't go away? My mum's never recurred and she was stage 3 .

[Suzanne333 in reply to Katmal-UK]

Thank you Kathy for your reply. I don't know what I was expecting really. Perhaps a miracle. I guess it is just the new normal. You are so positive and you always make so much sense out of this wretched disease.

I guess I have to expect the worst but hope for the best. I know I will pick myself up again get on with life. Thank goodness for the lovely ladies like you and the others on this site. Thank you. Xxx

[Daniellafriman in reply to Suzanne333]

I have to say that my friend had oc and had heart attack and went to coma cause her oc was so agressive and cancer cover lot of her body,but miracle happen and here she is 9 years later, no recurrence and doctors told that she is cured. She have her yearly scans and bloodtest.

ALWAYS IS HOPE WHEN YOU ARE ALIVE ❤

[Suzanne333 in reply to Daniellafriman]

Hi Daniella.

I'm so sorry about your friend but so so pleased that she's ok now. It's so nice and encouraging for us all to hear such positive stories. It has cheered me up. I'm feeling so sad today. I must be positive.

Thank you for your reply. Xxx

[Katmal-UK in reply to Suzanne333]

Hi Suzanne. You wont really believe what you put just now about picking yourself up and getting on with life but eventually you will, I promise. I can say that because I've been where you are now and it doesn't seem real but day by day as you get stronger, once your chemo has finished, you will be doing something and you'll suddenly realise that the 'C' word hasn't entered your head and you have laughed at something, enjoyed something and you suddenly realise that it's not all consuming as it seems now and that you will find things in life to enjoy. Stay strong xx Kathy xx

[Suzanne333 in reply to Katmal-UK]

Thank you Kathy. I've been so positive so far. I guess this is the day I've crumbled.

Thank you for being so kind and informative. I hope you are ok. Xxx

[Katmal-UK in reply to Suzanne333]

I think we all crumble at some stage, wouldn't be human if we didn't. I'm fine thanks just wish all the other ladies here on the site could say the same xx

[Hidden]

Hi Suzanne, to be honest the onc dont know, people are shocking them everyday by longer survival rates. So I wouldnt spend too much time thinking about what might happen because it may never happen. You have three more chemos to do so really his opinion is rather strange in my estimation, It is far to early to tell. I wish you luck with the rest of your treatment. I really hope you get a long remission when you are finished and there is no reason why you wont. So get your positive hat on now. You have had half your chemo and your surgery so you have done very well so far. We get very uncertain with a cancer diagnosis and you are not fully recovered from surgery. I know I always come out with the negatives after a check up and forget about the good things that were said.

[Suzanne333 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Suzuki.

Thank you for your reply. I just came away from the meeting feeling so deflated. Immediately after surgery he said it might come back in two or three years or it might not. Now he's saying it could come back in a year. It's just so worrying. Also he said I might not have the remaining 16 avastin im supposed to have. He said my oncologist will talk to me about it. ( the meeting was with my surgeon).

I'm just feeling confused and worried. Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Suzanne333]

Well your oncologist will also speak to you about the treatment, But my onc has a patient who was told no more treatment 15 years ago and she went back to work. She has her check ups but she hasnt deteriorated in 15 years. This lady has breast cancer which spread that long time ago. Sometimes they feed you worst case scenario for some reason unknown to us. Have your treatment then build up your stamina and perhaps try and alkalize your diet and that does help.

[Suzanne333 in reply to Hidden]

I have a little bicarbonate of soda in water every day. This is supposed to keep your body alkaline and cancer doesn't like an alkaline environment. I take hemp (cannabis) oil tablets too. I so want to live a long life. Xxx

[Yoshbosh]

Hi Suzanne,

Your surgeon sounds like mine - he told me that he expects to see me again in the future. Well, there's a cheery thought - go through massive surgery, chemo etc. to be told that we'all meet again in the future... Stuff that!

I also had microscopic disease left behind, which should have been dealt with by the remaining three rounds of chemo. My final scan was NED (October this year, so early days for me), and although the thought of recurrence doesn't ever go away, I'm not going to presume it will definitely come back, rather that I am disease-free until anyone tells me otherwise.

It sounds like you've done well with your surgery - if there's only microscopic disease left, that's really good. Sometimes they can't remove everything and the chemo had even more to do!

[Suzanne333 in reply to Yoshbosh]

Thank you for your message. I know I've got to keep positive it's just that today I've completely gone to pieces. I've been so strong so far. I even looked forward to my surgery.

Thank you for your message. It does make me feel more positive. Xxx

[Cropcrop]

I believe our oncologists give us all the information we need so we know what we're dealing with. Imagine if he had said it wouldn't come back and then it did? Imagine the disappointment and trauma. Everybody is different and no two cases are the same. Your oncologist said it could recur not that it would recur. It seems a tad early for him to be saying this yet. You are still mid treatment so the chemo may very well get the last of it, you will have further scans once the treatment has ended and then you will have a true picture. Try to be more positive, it really does help. Keep up the good work with your battle with this. Hugs ❤️

[Suzanne333 in reply to Cropcrop]

Thank you crop crop. You are so right in what you say. I guess he can't say that it won't come back. I know it can and often does recur. And if it does then I will just deal with it again.

I'm not sure why he said I might not have the remaining avastin though. He was vague and said it would be up to my consultant and not him. (He's the surgeon)

I feel a little more positive today. I've spoken to a few friends and yourself and the rest of the ladies on here are amazing.

Hoping you are ok. Xxxx