Still hoping

Hi all, ive joined here to ask for advice re my mum, however im unsure if this is the right place!

My mum was diagnosed after years of battling with IBS!!! Exploritary ops abd ca125 count revealed nothing until full hystorectomy revealed the devil! Back in 2008, she had her first chemo and was clear for 15 months, since then she's had 6 further cycles of chemo, with varying results and time between them.

Last March we were told that she had maybe a year left, was given more chemo even so, going back in Jan things had progressed so her onc refered her to Royal Marsden for a trial (onyx) we've just found out it was unsucessful and has up to 2 months, if tumours strangle the gut it may be weeks, we are all so devestated but mum is adamant that with the steroids theyve given her (to build herself up!!) that she may be able to have more chemo.

I feel so evil even thinking this let alone saying it but i can no longer cope, we are a close family and live a minute walk from eachother, but for years ive seen her lay on the sofa just staring, doing nothing and my soul is destroyed, she has finally agreed to mcmillain, no mean feat!

I guess i just needed to vent, im sorry to bring all you amazing positive women down :'( x

14 Replies

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  • hello . Can't really offer any words of advice or words of wisdom, to help you cope. But sometimes the 'venting' of our feelings, whether anger, rage or despair, does help us gather the strength to cope and carry on - as that is all we do.

    So, I am sending best wishes to you, and of course your mother and I do sincerely hope that she will be pain free - whatever is ahead.

    Love, Daisies xxx

  • Thankyou Daisies,

    Very kind words and completely agree with everything you said, i guess the guilt of the devil on my shoulder is the most troubling of all of the emotions, even though i know these are perfectly normal !

    Hoping McMillain can sort pain and some respite for us all too.

    Thankyou again 😘 xxx

  • Hi hope3

    Really sorry treatment not helped your mum I lost my mother and father to cancer and now I've got the beggar too I know how devastating and heart reaching it is to see your parent going through this illness you feel so helpless and its not wrong to feel like you do it affects you as much as your mum you just want her be out of any pain

    Phone Macmillan helpline they are there to talk to and are really nice they understand what you are going through

    Hope the nurses are able help your mum and give you and rest of family some respite babs

  • Hi Hope43 this is so heart breaking for you and your family. I agree now is the time to bring in some help for you all. I am sorry the treatment didnt work this time around. You all have been through and still going through the hardest time ever. It is difficult seeing a parent in pain and unwell,I have been there. The best thing you can give your Mum now is dignity and the Macmillian or hospice nurses or health nurse will help you there. That is what we as a family decided for my Mum, she broke her pelvis and then diagnosed with stomach cancer, so we just asked the hospital and palliative care team to make her comfortable and let her have dignity. It is not easy, thinking of you

  • Awwww love you, to think of others when you have your own journey 😘❤️.

    Our family (at least those gone before) are not quiters, and rightly so, and all i keep asking that this goes away, for her to be the mummy i know, the nanny that cared for my daughter on night 1 and 2 and for every day for 21 years, i just want her well and here until she is 182! And in my head i know i dont even have 182 days.... And selfishly want it to be lovely, peaceful, beautiful and if its coming then just do it, dont tease me with hope!!!

    Thankyou sooooo much, i wish you love and hope on your journey.... We are in some crazy way privillged to be a part of it 😘 xxx

  • Sending you hugs.

    It's awful seeing someone in that state and my mum too was like that. She passed away last Sunday.

    I'm happy for mum as she's no longer in pain and the Angels are looking after her exactly what she deserves. No more cancer no more chemo no more pain.

    She gave up the fight.

    I'm just want to say that your mum will need to make the decision if she wants to keep fighting. It's draining for the family but you all need to be there for her. Hard I know.

    Keep smiling as much as you can.

    Here if you need me

    Alison

  • Alison - just read your post and wanted to just pass on my condolences on your Mum's death.

    I know you say : no more cancer, no more chemo and no more pain, but your loss will still be there and real.

    So, my thoughts and prayers are with you now and over the next few days also.

    Daisies

  • Thank you Daisies

    I've just been to see mum in the chapel of rest and she looks so peaceful.

    I cried and I hurt but mum has no one vile cancer inside her. That keeps me going

    Again, I'm here if you need me

    Alison

    Xxxx

  • Bless you and your mum, truly be blessed that she was yours and you were hers 😘.

    Its so amazing to have this site, no one truly knows 'anything' my darling fiance has never experienced loss or anything close to the b@stard that is cancer and although he tries i need empathy...

    Had for the first time this eve reality.... I now know my mums funeral wishes..... Sick to my stomach and broken hearted, but for her i will do it with a thumbs up 😘 xxx

  • Hope43

    I'm here if you need me.

    Of course you will be broken hearted and sad but you'll be doing what your mum wanted - mum too had her funeral request that I looked at just before she left us and made sure she still wanted it - at least when we have her funeral she'll smile that she has what she wants.

    It'll be very hard but you need to stay strong. Yes, cry to release that tension but enjoy every moment. Don't push your fiancé away, just have him close by. He'll understand

    Hugs xxxxx

  • Please do not apologise . you did the right thing . you poured out your feelings and thoughts . It is therapeutic . Cancer is a monster . it robs you of your ability , your dignity it brings you to your knees . Important thing is now to maage the situation and keep mum as comfortable and serene as possible . Talk to her GP , enrol Hospice help , be with her as much as you can , surround her with love , get as much pain relief as possible , see her food is easy to eat and digest . Look after yourself , you need support too . Talk to your GP about some support for yourself . God bless you .

  • Vent all you like, you are stuck between a rock and a hard place, you want your mum but you also dont want to see her suffering as she is. Sadly there is no answer, but sometimes yelling at the world or the cause helps us feel better. Marilyn

  • Gosh! My nephew and mums youngest grandchild is by birth certificate called 'Tait', we have always called him Totty, especially my mum, you may be an angel sent! Thankyou for your very kind words 😘

  • You are welcome message me any time I'm ok right now but I lost my mum to cancer , my best friend and members of my family yet none of it is connected they say. My sister is going through genetic testing as there are too many women in the family to leave it to chance. Keep smiling. Totty was my nickname as a child too .x

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