I have not posted for a while since Mum stopped all treatment back in June of this year. After being diagnosed in October 2010 my Mum Sylvia had 2 major ops, one debaulking in February 2011 and an iliostomy March 2012 after a complete bowel obstruction. Last chemo was gem/carb combination which ended earlier this year. Since then she never really recovered from the op's and chemo. For months she had said she wished it was all over. Mum took a turn for the worst 2 weeks ago and was put on a syringe driver for pain control. She wanted to stay at home, so I went and stayed with her, the last week was not easy but I will always cherish the time spent with her, holding her hand and stroking her head, telling each other how we felt, I feel honoured to have shared this with her, so many people pass away never telling loved ones their feelings. Last Wednesday heavily dosed with morphine mum said to us that it was Saturday, no mum I said it is only Wednesday, no she said I am going on Saturday, my auntie replied where you going Sylvie, you going dancing, mum just smiled. But obviously mum knew something we did not know, she passed away peacefully at 21.40 Saturday evening, with my step dad and I with her.
That night I asked for some sign that I had not let her down in any way. Then the next strange thing happened, the next day I was due to find some nice clothes for mum to take to the undertakers, this I struggled with as mum had not dressed up for so long. Then I started making the numerous calls to family and friends, I happened to mention the clothes to one of mum's friends and she said Susan you will not believe this but I have a bag here that your mum asked I drop off to the charity shop, for some reason the bag had been forgotten and inside was a skirt and top that mum had told her friend was her favourite dancing clothes, but as she had lost so much weight the year earlier she had asked that they be donated to a local charity shop. So for me that was the clothes mum must have for her funeral. This I also took as a sign that mum was ok. May just be coincidence, but with her saying Saturday, my auntie mentioning dancing, and then the clothes, I have taken great comfort from this. Sorry for the long winded mail but wanted to tell my last story of my lovely Mum who I will cherish and miss every day, she was not only my Mum but my BEST friend.
I wish all of you the very best, don't be afraid to ask for help, we had hospice at home for the last few days and they were a terrific help. Only wish we had asked for help a bit earlier.
Love to you all,
Take care
Susan
(Sylvia's daughter)
Written by
SusanC
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I am so sorry, but I hope that, once the sharp icy agony of grief has subsided, you will find some comfort in the fact that your mother was surrounded by so much care and love during her last days on this earth. She will be so happy in her dancing clothes. (I remember vividly dressing my own mother, a fashionista if there ever was one, in her favourite tweed dress, with a patent leather belt and matching patent loafer shoes. The nurses made her hair look nice, and even put on some make up on for her.)
The sign my mother left me was a rainbow in the blue and cloudless Scottish sky - I saw it as we had a coffee after we left the crematorium. It consoled me so much.
So sorry to hear your sad news. I send you and your family my best wishes. You sound like a very loving and caring daughter. Thank you for sharing your story - I found it very moving and as something I worry aboout for my children it helps to hear it from your point of view.
My deepest sympath and thoughts are with you and all your family!
Margaret
Dear Susan,
I am sorry to hear the sad news of the loss of your dear mum, it must have been such a comfort to her having such a caring daughter like you, the time you had together must have been very precious and you can be comforted that nothing was left unsaid
My deepest sympathy and thoughts are with you and your family love x G x
Thank you for sharing your story. I found it very comforting to hear how it felt to be part of your mum's life, and to help her throughout her battle with cancer right to her last few days. You put it in such a way that it seems a positive and gentle experience and one that is not to be feared.
Please draw comfort and strength from members of this group and pass on my condolences to other members of your family.
So sorry to hear your sad news Susan, when I lost my mum I drew comfort from knowing I was there for her and she knew how much loved she was. Your mum was also clearly much loved and lucky to have had you for her daughter. Thinking of you
Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like your Mum had a gentle exit from this world and it must give you comfort that she is no longer suffering and is happy dancing once again.
Thinking of you.
Winni xxx
Dear Susan
I was really heartened by the beauty of your story. I'm really glad for you and your Mum that you had that time together. Thank you so much .. Sending you and your family my heartfelt condolences .. Tina x x
Sorry to hear of your loss and my best wishes go out to you and all the family. With regard to coincidences, i am very open minded about things like that, my wife died from OC in Aug, the day after her death i had gone to the fumeral parlour to have a first discussion with them about arrangements, i parked my car and as i got out (the road side) on the road near the car was an empty packet from a product my wife was ALWAYS buying.
Also the morning of her death, with nobody actually thinking she was going to die that day, she said to me at 8-20 'i think this is it for me', this was just said randomly, with no real rhyme or reason to it.
Last but not least i have the order of service for her funeral on the dresser in the lounge, i have lost count of the number of times i have found it either in a different place (still in the lounge) or on the floor.
I have stood by it and opened and shut the door to create as much breeze as i can, but it never moves. So i dont know if it is me picking it up absentmindedly and putting it somewhere or...........personally i prefer to think it is not me being absentminded.
Our daughters also keep telling me of 'things that they cant actually explain happening'....... whatever it is, it is comforting for us to think she is still around, and i guess the bottom line is - nobody actually knows one way or the other.
I am very saddened to read your news but am also confident that was a sign from your Mum. When my son passed away I came back from the hospital and on the bathroom floor was a silver lighter, it used to be mine and he 'borrowed' it saying I'd get it back one day, as it definitely wasn't there before we went to the hospital that day I knew he was giving it back to me.
Hi Susan. So sorry to hear of your Mums passing. How wonderful you have had all those signs. Remember she is always with you deep in your heart. My thoughts are with you and the rest of the family.
Dear Susan, so very sorry to hear of your terrible loss, moved to tears by your story. It is so wonderful that you have been able to care for your mum at home where she wanted to be and spend such very precious time talking to her and comforting her - I don't think there is anything greater that you could have done for her , and I hope you feel some comfort from being able to support her with a 'good end ' surrounded by love and peace in her own home- a true gift of love from you. You must feel totally drained now, but take time to look after yourself now
Dear Susan, my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time. Mum is watching over you, she will love wearing her 'dancing' clothes, just imagine her waltzing her way to a better place. Love Izzy
I am so sorry to hear this sad news and thank you for sharing your story. Her final days sound so peaceful and you and your family must have been such a comfort to her. God bless Susan, you sound such a lovely person so please don't torment yourself with feelings of letting her down.
Susan , Sorry to hear of your dear mum's passing but what a lovely story, my daughter is an only one & only 21. Luckily I'm very well & have made a good recovery from op but this is my biggest fear leaving my daughter, we are very close like you & your mum & your story has made me feel better if the worst should happen. I don't want her to be upset & hurt just like your mum wouldn't want you too but I know I won't be able to take away all the upset but have discussed this with her & told her to remember all the good times & we've had plenty & I will always love her & try not to be too upset as I don't want her to be just like your mum won't want you to be. It is hard to be the mum of an only child sometimes but it is also lovely as you just put all your love into them. Sorry for your very sad loss but thanks for the lovely story. Sue xxx.
Dear Susan
So sorry to hear about your Mother. Thankyou for sharing your story.As a Mother Ican only think how wonderful it must have been for her to have you. And what a lifetime of love you gave her.
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