WOW it's been 6 months but it's finaly hit me!!

It will be 6 month at the end of this month that I had my ovaries removed due to cancerous tumours...

I'm back at work now back full time to as I needed abit of normality back..

I've been fine up untill now.. It's finally sunk in how much I have lost.. And I feel empty and just so low..

I know I should be grateful as I only needed the surgery and so far so good no chemo was needed and there are many people on here who needed a lot more treatment..

But not having a child of my own I feel like I've let myself and my husband down even though he tells me everyday I'm all he wants and needs. I can't help but feel gutted!

I still have my womb so I can still carry a child using donor eggs and IVF (which my sister has asked if she can do for me)

But I just can't seem to see the positive side., think I'm just feeling sorry for myself and think I need to man up abit lol..

I ask my McMillan nurse back in November for me to be referred for some counciling as I had a feeling this would happen as I have just been on such a high about the surgery going so well I knew it would sink in sooner or later..

But I'm still waiting on my referral :(

Please tell me what I'm feeling is normal

14 Replies

  • I think it's absolutely normal. You are so young to be going through this. I hope you get counselling quickly. Best Vxxx

  • Normal is a personal thing, and it would be so unsurprising if you didn't get some kind of emotional backlash. This was a huge, life changing thing. But it wasn't the end of it, you were so lucky in that way: your battle is now to accept the new direction. You have so e choices still they are just different. Of COURSE it is normal, don't add that worry to the rest. 6 months is not long to adjust!


    Sue xxx

  • Dear Belle

    I think what you're feeling is completely normal. You've held yourself together through a really traumatic time, got on with the treatment and you're back in work. I can imagine you're the sort of person who gets on with stuff but this is a big deal and I think you are right to ask for counselling. Push for an early appointment - either through Macmillan or you could try your GP.

    In the meantime I would suggest you ring the nurse-led line at Ovacome. They run groups for young women and have a huge amount of experience. I know they'd be able to help you straight away but also to give you some longer term advice on how to cope.

    I have a huge respect and admiration for you seeing the positive side of things even though you're feeling so low. I don't think it's a matter of 'manning up'. Far from it.

    I really hope you get the help you deserve very soon. I'm rather appalled that no health-care professional seems to have sorted this out for you before it got to this stage.

    Sending loads of love and hugs. xxx Annie

  • Thank you for the replies.. I have rang my go serval times about it and they told me there was a waiting list :( maybe I'll call my McMillan nurse on Monday and ask them :)

  • Hi Belle, I would be surprised if you didn't feel a strong sense of loss and sadness. I'm sure that counselling will help, but in the meantime, go and see your GP again and explain how low you're feeling.

    Childlessness is a difficult issue to come to terms with, although, in your case, there may be good, loving alternatives, by the sounds of it. We are childless, having tried for a baby for 22 years, up to when I went in for my op. However, in our case, it's made our marriage stronger, I think. I genuinely believe my hubs when he says we've got all we need.

    On a practical note, there is always the Ovacome helpline on 08453710554, Mon to Fri (10 - 5). They may be able to suggest options you haven't thought of yet.

    Treat yourself gently, it's early days yet.

    Love Wendy xx

  • My hubby has been my rock only been married 19months and what away to start our marriage but it's proved how strong we are together! And thank you I'll give them a call.x

  • Hi Belle .. You've had very good advice here. We too would have liked children but despite 18 years of infertility treatment, the dream ended when I was 39. I found the pain of that harder to bear than this diagnosis but once I had the hysterectomy and I knew it had to be accepted, I started to live again. So I do understand the feelings you're having at the moment. The difference with you is that you still have hope and youth on your side and also new reproductive technologies. To have these two emotional blows going on must very hard.. Sending love to you. T x x

  • Hi Belle

    I could literally have written what you have. I was just getting married when I was diagnosed almost exactly a year ago. They tried to save my fertility but it wasn't to be. I still have my uterus too so IVF is an option. All my friends and my sister are having babies and it is really really hard. But I am hoping in time we will reevaluate what we want to do with our lives and where we see our future. My husband absolutely loves kids and it breaks my heart that I can't give him one. But he says, as I am sure your husband does, that what we have is enough!

    I can totally relate to how you feel - if you ever want to PM me then I'm here.


  • Thank you so much!!.x

  • Hi Belle

    It is understandable that you are feeling shellshocked after all you have been through. It is a life changer, particularly when you are young. I hope you manage to get the counselling you've asked for. I'm sure things will start to fall into place as time goes on.

    Wishing you all the best for the future. Please keep in touch.

    Love Mary xx

  • Belle , sometimes things take a while to sink in fully as your defence system prevents you from feeling the pain for a while ! Give yourself time , feel angry and chase that counselling up ! Not surprised its hard ! Basically it isn't bloody fair ! Take care , dy xxx

  • Hi there, what you're experiencing does sound 'normal' for a given value of normal. I too, lost both ovaries, uterus and cervix January 2012 at the age of 35 as the cancer had spread so far. I kept thinking things like 'what's the point of a human being if they can't reproduce?' And a year on, I still feel the loss of what my life could have been as a natural mother. It's hard. I was angry too, at my family and partner who told me and still do, that they would rather have me than a grandchild or natural child. When you're having surgery and/or chemo you are focussing on getting through it all: it's only after when you have the chance to sit back you realise what you've been through... So yes, what you're experiencing IS normal. The suggestions of the other ladies re: counselling are great, please take them up, but be reassured that you are experiencing a normal response to an abnormal situation. Much love, X

  • Don't be hard on yourself - of course it's normal - you've had an enormous amount of upheaval in a very short period of time.

    Perhaps now you're back at work and into "normality" is the first time you can really digest it.

    Having a wonderful husband and family is a comfort, but having to rethink how you go about having your family life is a really big deal.

    Looking at several of my friends, however we come by them, any wanted baby will become our baby.

    The future can turn out quite differently from how we imagined it, but happily nevertheless. I met up last week with a very old friend who ultimately adopted three siblings. She's now, twenty-five years on, in the midst of her family - children, their partners and lots of grandchildren.

    Don't be hard on yourself - give yourself time and permission to have the feelings. I hope they speed up the referral and remember we're all behind you. xxx

  • Belle, you have been through a lot for one so young. You have been so blessed that this awful disease was caught at such an early stage, with a wonderfully supportive husband whom you rightly describe as being your rock and a wonderful sister as well. I think you are marvellous being able to be back at work full time after all this within 6 months. Continue to chase your counselling appointment. Don't be too hard on yourself, there are still options open to you to be a mum and when you feel strong enough you can explore them. Sending you hugs and kisses. xo

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