Told by Doctor to have a baby 6 months after 2nd surgery

[geekyandaloof]

Hi everyone,

I'm Lovey, I discovered I have an immature teratoma last November and my left ovary along with the cysts were removed. January I had my omentect6omy, some of my lymph nodes were removed as well and adhesions the doctor found. My second biopsy was good because there was No Malignancies in all of the organs that they biopsied.

But the thing that I worry about is what the doctor told me, to get pregnant 6 months after my surgery. He said there is 5-10% chance my remaining ovary will have a cyst and he wants me to have a baby just in case there is recurrence. If there is, he will remove them while I am on labor (CS). learning about that scared the hell out of me. I'm only 26 and I am not financially, emotionally prepared to have a baby yet.

In my mind, I'm supposed to be working on having a career.. because before I was diagnosed, I was about to go to Singapore for work. cancer really destroyed my life and my dream. In my heart, if I will become a parent I want to be able to provide everything, but I can't do it while I'm still like this. I feel so pressured and soo stressed. I have no one here who understands what I am going thru because Ovarian cancer is not so common here, we don't even have support groups for Ovarian cancer in the Philippines. I am hoping for anyone who reads this, please if you could give some advice that would be helpful. I feel so isolated.

Thanks,

Lovey

[Whippit]

Dear Lovey

You've had a rough time recently discovering you have a teratoma and then going through surgery and dealing with the shock of it all at such a young age. It must've been so hard if ovarian cancer is very rare there and you have no support around you.

To my mind you're a very wise person to think through what the doctor told you. I for one would not want to be pressured into having a family. It's something you should do when you're ready.

I hope you can continue your career. Perhaps if you are working in Singapore you can have your situation monitored there and keep a check on any ongoing medical conditions.

I'm sure there will be younger women who will share their experiences with you which will be a support to you. I just thought I'd send a message and a hug so you know you're not on your own.

with best wishes Annie

[geekyandaloof in reply to Whippit]

thank you so much Annie! really sweet message. my mother told me, if ever it will take time for me to have a baby that will seriously put my career on hold. I am so torn up right now. it is so hard to face this kind of problem when I am still at this age. My doctor told me it is rare, and only person I knew who encountered this kind of situation was Colbie Smoulders of How I met your Mother tv show. same age of diagnosis as me. I hope that there are other younger women or other women who would respond to this as well. thanks and more power to you Annie!

[Whippit in reply to geekyandaloof]

You take me back a few years Lovey. From the age of 21 years I lived in rural Mid Wales which is pretty remote but more so in those days. The doctors there used to pester women to start a family in their early 20s. It wouldn't be acceptable now in the UK to do such a thing but 30 or 40 years ago they wanted to avoid complications as there was no major maternity provision in the area. A complication, if it could be dealt with, meant a long car ride to a general hospital in England, and if things went wrong there the expectant mother would then have another ride in an ambulance to a specialist centre in Birmingham.

It makes me think that advice we might give you from the UK would be based on the facilities we have here and the situation may be very different for you in the Philippines. I hope you get lots more responses. xx Annie

[geekyandaloof in reply to Whippit]

I will be back to my doctor this july or august. I am hoping that I have no cysts. that everything would be okay. My plan is to have a baby before 30, maybe 28 or 29. But cancer made everything so hard for me.

I searched for ovarian cancer support groups in asia but none so far. all I saw was breast cancer. I knew some people who had cervical cancer here, but it's just so different as ovarian cancer most of the time is misdiagnosed and late detection is common. I have a cousin who has Ovarian Cancer (clearcell carcinoma) 4 yrs. ago and today she's being treated again because she now has cancer on her abdomen. She is in Isle of Man with her family and is a doctor. I am a nurse.

There are hospitals here with really good services but being in a 3rd world country it is expensive. But thank you so much Annie for responding. I may not be from UK but I appreciate the comments. being forced to have kids really sucks.

[charlie12]

Hi Lovey

I am so glad you found us, but sorry that you need us!

Please don't listen to your doctor , if you want to establish yourself in a career go ahead and do this. My very best years were between 26 and now. We never had children and have never regretted it.

It's really hard at the beginning , you have had the shock of the diagnosis and the surgery...but this does get more easy as time goes on. I had a borderline tumour removed 5 and a half years ago . It was really tough at the beginning living with uncertainty , but I'm fine now.

We love the Philippines , it's our favourite country . We have been there several times for diving...all after I was diagnosed ! I have also worked with many wonderful nurses from the Philippines.

Stay strong and perhaps consider saying to your doctor if he mentions a baby again that you are thinking about it and will discuss it with him if /when you want to.

Love and hugs x x

[geekyandaloof in reply to charlie12]

Thank you so much Charlie! in fact, I live in an island in the Philippines where we have really beautiful spots here for scuba diving. You are so strong. I would like to have a baby though, but not now. Yes, I would certainly bring that up on my next checkup. Actually, reading all the wonderful posts of women here who went thru situations that are worse than I am, I salute you all. it's just that mine is so different too since I had it at 25 and I felt so Isolated. it's a topic not so discussed here in my country as it is uncommon especially for young girls.

Thank you so much for accepting me here, suddenly I don't feel so alone anymore. and I found it in a foreign forum. is it normal that I still feel like I still have cancer inside me? there's this fear all the time, constant fear. I wish there is an easier way for us to find out, like an easy not so invasive way of getting a biopsy.

[daisies]

Lovey, what a dreadful story to read. I know you are young and just starting out on your career, and the option given by your Doc is one that only you can make. I don't have children & I don't regret that choice. Yes, I did have a career and now in retirement, which I try to enjoy to the full. The decision to become pregnant is a difficult one to make and I don't envy you, as you have no many other health issues to deal with also.

In a later reply to Whippit you mentioned a cousin with clear cell OC (that is my diagnosis) and strangely it is more common in Japan and as we call it, the far east. Did you mention your cousin's diagnosis to your GP/Onc, as sometimes the smallest piece of information can reveal a whole new line of treatment options.

So, just to say that I am thinking of you. Don't let cancer destroy your dreams, you may have to change them or take a different road in your dreams - but accept what comes.

Virtual hugs to you.

Daisies

[geekyandaloof in reply to daisies]

yep. but I think her cancer gene is from her mom's side. she's my cousin from her dad's side. my cancer gene is from my grandmom who died of breast cancer years ago, before I was born. no one from her children had it but it might be that they were carriers since it skipped their generation and I was the unfortunate one to have it in all the grandchildren of my grandma, although I have a 2nd degree cousin that did died of brain cancer from dad's side.

I have told my doctor about that, which is why my HMO from work before only covered 20% of my hospital bill because my disease is congenital. having a baby at this time would be tough since I am just recovering physically and financially from my last surgery. sometimes I felt like I have a deadline ever since the doctor told me that.

I am living in the Philippines and if you chose to be childless it's frowned upon by people considering we are part of the most populated countries in the world. being from a tight knit culture, my parents will be devastated if they will die without a grandchild which I also dread to happen.

thank you everyone for telling me not to give up on my dream. I did spend 4 yrs in Nursing school and I just don't want to put that to waste and not even use my profession. It's funny, I am licensed nurse but I still have these fear inside me. it's never easy once you're the one afflicted with such disease.

[Di16 in reply to geekyandaloof]

I used to be a nurse too. Nurses are still human, we still have emotions, shocks and fears. I was very shocked & fearful when I first discovered I had ovarian cancer, & at first convinced myself I did not have long to live. I couldn't think I had a future. That was over 7 years ago. I became less fearful. My life has changed, & my cancer has returned, but I still have a life. I continued to work till 3 years ago, when I retired, & I still have other things I do.

For me, the question of children didn't arise, as I already had a grown up family & grandchildren. It must be very difficult to feel pressured into having a baby at a time that doesn't feel right for you, & I hope you are able to make the right decision for you.

Di

[Aemi in reply to geekyandaloof]

Hi geekyandoof,

So sorry to hear of your troubles.

What a desition to have to make when so younge, my heart aches for you.

I am a 63 year old lady and have four children, the first born when I was only 21 yrs. I married at 19yrs. I have enjoyed my family and now grandchildren, but in my early forties I trained in complementary therapies and have enjoyed a career in this field. Though I have retired now (my health) I still give treatments to family and friends which I enjoy. Perhaps a career could come later for you if you want children? All this is in the creators hands.

Wishing you well

Aemi x

[geekyandaloof]

thanks so much ladies, you are all wonderful. I envy the ones who were able to enjoy a family life before they had ovarian cancer. It's so hard to experience this during the time that I'm still single and no kids yet. sometimes I feel like I am being punished for not having children. as some of my peers got knocked up during college and after graduation. I sometimes envy them.. I also have this yearning to have children, but I know I have to be practical as well and that raising kids ain't cheap.

I feel relieved you wise ladies are giving me advice. I am touched.