Check up time,

Hi Everybody, hope you are all doing the best you can because that is all we can do. Poobah, hope especially all is good with you. Well had my three month check up today, bloods are up a bit but last scan showed tumour has shrunk again after radiotheraphy in 2011/2012. Had a dreadful day at work and barely made my apt. But it was one of those days. My story now is that I have to keep in mind I will again need chemo in the next twelve months or so to keep everything under control. I have an ache on the troublesome side at times which is made worse by heavy lifting so it could be result of scar tissue after pelvic radiotheraphy. I wasnt stymied by what I was told because as I told my consultant, I expect to hear the words treatment at every check up anyway, I think we all do. Then again it maybe my pessimism showing its ugly face. Just my immediate family know my illness is chronic I havent really told anyone else. I dont think I want to spread the word, is that being stupid or what. I am not in denial just being private. I have had this for seven years now and in comparison to some I do appreciate I am extremely lucky. Back for scan again in September this time there will be a delay between scan and consultants apt due to the fact that there is a shortage of radiologists in my particular hospital. I would appreciate some feedback from my blog. Best wishes to all

[poohbah]

Hiya Suzuki,

you sound a little bit down and yet your news seems good! I know we all dread the word 'treatment' but it sounds like they have your cancer well under control. The fact that the tumour is still small and that treatment is not immediate seems like good news. I suppose the fact is that we are never going to be cancer free and treatment free again. BUT, we have a chance of living a certain type of life if they can control it. You have been doing that for 7 years and hopefully that is going to continue for a long long time.

Yea, I know, sometimes I look in the mirror and say to myself I don't want this type of lilfe where I am constantly anxious and not able to be carefree and healthy like I used to be but it is better than the alternative so hang in there woman! you can cope with a bit more treatment especially with the break from it you have had.

I didn't hide the fact that I am chronically diseased! However, I have realised that people don't really want to know that I am having treatment again cos' they don't know what to say! Some of my relations feel its their business to tell the world! I don't care about that anymore and I say as little about myself as possible except to my sisters and my husband and one or two very close friends. So, if I were you I would keep going the way you are which seems to be working for you

Suzuki, you are strong and although there will be treatment in the next year you have months free agead where you can live and enjoy life. My big hope is that I will get longer than 5 months free when I complete this set of chemos.

Keep strong and remember we are busy living!!

[Hidden]

Yes I was down had been a bad day at work, one colleague got a call none of us want to get, his Mum had taken very ill in town 5 mins after he had dropped her in and she is on life support, so it was a bit mayhem. Because of that I was tired going in anyway, realistically I do know I have been very lucky to get a long break and to be able to carry on life as best I can do. Met someone the other day with a different type of cancer and she is very young her first treatment didnt work the last one has done enough to give her a break for a few months. She is same age as my daughter and she is doing well coping with it. So I should give myself a good talking too which I will I can assure you. I hope your treatment is going okay for you and you are doing fairly good. I have a neighbour who is also a friend and since my recurrence has kept her distance, she obviously doesnt want to get too close. I can understand that too as she lost her husband to cancer within weeks of diagnosis a few years back. When I was out sick with shoulder a few decided I was out with cancer and were surprised when I corrected them. Yes there are always nosy people but there are nice good supporters too. They are the people who keep us going, am also lucky with Arc House cancer support group being very accessible to me if I need them and I find this website great to put down thoughts that run through my mind crazy stupid thoughts. Yes I am luckier than a lot of people and I do appreciate that deep down. Keep strong and thank you

[poohbah]

You are perfectly entitled to feel down Suzuki especially with all that at work, most upsetting. Just because you have had a decent break doesn't exclude you from wanting a chemo free life which we all want and deserve! You know I often wonder how out of approx. 350 cases a year of ovarian cancer in Ireland I happened to be one of them in 2011. I had always had a lucky existence. Was wild as a teenager but, got to study what I wanted. Got the job, the man and even the children I wished for. A lovely life overall until this hit me like a ton of bricks! So now the challenge is to climb out of these bricks against all the odds like I have always done!

Yea, I see people avoiding me but I don't blame them. As you said, some people have had cancer in their families and just don't want that pain again and others become people you didn't know had such support in them. It is fascinating if I wasn't the one with the illness!

So , be good to yourself and treat yourself to something nice! Take care.