How can he be so cruel ?: Sorry need to vent... - OCD Support

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How can he be so cruel ?

7 years ago•8 Replies

Sorry need to vent !!!

Yesterday my daughter's boyfriend came home from work and told her that he has no life because of her OCD as he can't actually do anything he wants to do and how it's making him miserable.

He told her contamination is not the word she should use. Things are dirty not contaminated and its all in her head.

My daughter was very upset and she feels guilty already about her impact on everyones lives as it is. She cried for over 2 hours and he eventually said he loves her and is going no where.

Well you woild think today is a new day.....well no.

He's upset her again as he says it's up to her if things are contaminated or not, as its all in her head with no reason to be contaminated and she chooses not to believe things are clean and she's not trying hard enough.

She is now crying again trying to justify how she feels. She told him shes the one with no life as it takes her 2-3 hours to get showered and dressed to eat her 2 meal of the day and take another hour to get teady for bed and stay there until the bext day.

He has told her if she wants to get better then she has to trust him and hear what he says about things not being contaminated. Its her choice not to get better. He seems convinced that she isn't trying hard enough to get better and she chooses to stay as she is. He says he can do things so why can't she ? If it was only thst easy.

Only last week he upset her and he said he'd always be there for her and never upset her again.

She's now back to saying she wants to kill herself. She would willingly die tomorrow as shes had enough and can't cope.

She's been making very slight adjustments to her daily life and has felt stressed about it but has been doing them all the same and testing herself, challenging herself and coping quite well.

Then he drops this bomb shell on her. If he loves her so much why isn't he encouraging her instead of making her feel like s**t ! Makes me feel upsrt for her. I just want to hug her and tell her everything's going to be ok but I can't touch her 😑

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Blue42

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8 Replies

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Sallyskins7 years ago

That really sucks. I'm sure that however badly she behaves to you, or to him, she is really trying. And I know how difficult it is to force yourself to do something that part of your brain is telling you not to do, while the rational part of your brain knows it's all in your head.

He's right that it is all in her head, but he's not right to say that she chooses to be like this. The brain is an organ like the liver or kidneys, in fact it's the most complicated organ of all, and it can go wrong like other organs. It may be in her head, but that doesn't mean she is in control of it. Nobody chooses OCD and none of us would have it if we could help.

I can only think that he's frustrated with it controlling his life as well as hers, which is understandable, but he shouldn't kick her when she's already down.

Blue42• in reply toSallyskins7 years ago

He seems to do this every now and then and always makes her feel like everything is her fault. I no I've made mistakes and non of us are perfect but I always take the blame if its my fault and always tell her its the OCD that I don't like and I know she can't help it x

Sallyskins• in reply toBlue427 years ago

Most of us with OCD feel guilty enough as it is. He needs to copy you in blaming the OCD not her. x x x

Blue42• in reply toSallyskins7 years ago

Sometimes I just want to scream at at him for being so insensitive. He's all there telling her that I don't even try if I do something wrong. He is always quick to condem me and make sure my daughter blames me. Yet he thinks a quick sorry will sort everything for him.

She's just counting the days till he does leave. He keeps telling her he wants to buy a house and she move in with him. Even if she was well I couldn't see her moving in with someone who makes her feel crap about herself x

Sallyskins• in reply toBlue427 years ago

For the sake of her health and her ability to counter her OCD she needs to feel better about herself. Having OCD doesn't exactly make you feel good about yourself anyway, and having people who undermine you are only going to make it worse. He sounds as though he has a toxic effect on your daughter's well being and her attitude to you. If he isn't doing her any good, not supporting her and helping her, perhaps she would be better off without him. But only she can decide that. How does she feel about him?

Sallyskins7 years ago

Does he try to influence her in any other way? For instance, her attitude to medication?

Blue42• in reply toSallyskins7 years ago

She does say she loves him but can't even bring herself to hold his hand and I don't know if that will ever change as sad as that may sound. He is the only one can calm her down when she's in full out panic/mania episode. So he has his limited uses.

Sallyskins• in reply toBlue427 years ago

It must be very frustrating for them both, not to be able so much as to hold hands let alone anything else. I'm not surprised that they have problems with their relationship. But maybe they have something worth holding onto.

I don't know if some kind of family counselling could help. It sounds as though you're all three of you trapped in situation that's nobody's fault, all doing your best. Having a neutral space to talk and listen and be listened to with as little acrimony as possible could be a way out of it.

How can he be so cruel ?: Sorry need to vent... - OCD Support

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