OCD-UK
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Feeling low and tearfull

I'm feeling low and tearful this morning. As most of you know I have a daughter 27 with OCD. I also have a daughter 25 with an eating disorder.

The daughter with the eating disorder told me that she feels suicidal and because I spend most of my energy trying manage the OCD for my other daughter she feels I don't care about her.

I hardly see her whuch breaks my heart.

It really is my fault I don't see her as I don't push hard enough to go against the restrictions of the OCD.

I feel depleted and useless. I'm an adult but I can't make simple derisions for myself without a full on breakdown from my daughter with the OCD.

I had a glimmer of hope a few days ago that things were moving forwards but no. She pulled the wool over my eyes on that one.

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OCD is really hard..I remember being 8 yrs old with all these intrusive thoughts and I couldn’t tell anyone..all the rituals I used to perform.i washed my hands till they bled when I was10.. I’m 51 now what I would of given to be able to talk to my mum about it all then...there is lots of recognition now and your girls have you...when you have obsessive tendencies you want constant reassurance and attention.beassured you are doing a great job with them both

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Thank you for your kind words. I just feel like, no if I'm honest, I know I'm not getting anywhere with the ocd and feel a failure that I can't just drop everything and be there for my other daughter who is feeling abandoned by me xx

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I’m behaving the same way and I’m 51... needing constantreassurance from my mum.. was frightened of sleeping on my own..so have had to have people with me constantly.. it is not you..it is the ocd.the brain is very powerful ....we can be very needy people and as my mum said if she keeps buying into my habits..the cycle will not break...just continue.. do not feel bad..your daughter may sulk etc..that’s what Ocd wants xx

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I have helped her wirh her OCD way too much. I am now backed into a corner with no way out. I should of tackled it in a different way that does not involve me doing as many rituals as she does just so that she can have 3 hours out of her bedroom to eat.

I was under the impression that she was really trying and slowly things were going in the righf direction but now its more restricted than ever !

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OCD is a liar..remember it is not your daughter xxxx I’m obsessed with smoking at moment even thou cardiologist has told me to quit..the more I want to give up my obsessed thinking is telling me to carry on...so I’m feeding it..so now I’m not going to give up..just cut down...it’s almost like an odd...a constant battle.. it’s awful..doesyourdaughtersuffer from insomnia as it can makeover worse..I’ve been given meds it anxious part of my brain won’tlet me take them..

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Ocd*

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Thamls for your support x

I know it's the OCD but it doesn't ake life any easier.

Yes she doesn't sleep very well at all.

Good luck with giving up smoking. I gave up about 11 years ago but still socially smoke. I could have done with a few today with all the sress i feel x

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I totally agree with you there.

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I totally agree

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IIt sounds like your daughter was foghtimg her OCD and starteumprovin,g , but has had a relapse like I have also h ad.

OCD is an illness tou can and people do recover from it. But then its how long the person keeps on fighting it and receiving the right hrlp on order to do that. Then a few weeks or months later you see the cracks appearing again and at that point it does need to be nipped in the bud.

Obviously toyr daughter wants to get better but has she got the determination and willpower.?

We all wish that somebody could talk her through it which does make a big difference.

I hope this helps you . xx

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Hi,

I know for certain that you are far from a failure, believe me. I'm sorryo jear that your other daughter feels abandoned by ou, . but try to explain to her about her sisters OCD and the effect it has on the whole family. I do feel for you. xx

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Yes, I totally agree with you.

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That must make things even more difficult for you. In fact eating disorders are closely related to OCD.

It's always difficult for parents of children who are ill or disabled, as it can take up so much effort and energy that other children get left out. Don't feel guilty, as you are stretched and doing your best.

Is it possible to get your daughter with the OCD hospitalized? I know she is very resistant, but they would take care of her and could protect her. She might even come to realize that it could help her. I don't know if she could be sectioned, as this is usually only done if she is immediate danger, but you clearly need a break yourself.

At present it is your daughter's OCD that is making all the decisions for you. It can't be allowed to rule over the whole family. It's not your fault, or your daughter's, but some kind of family therapy or counselling might help.

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I totally agree with you.

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Feeling even more low and tearful this morning.

I phoned my uncle to find out why he came unannounced the other day only for him to tell me he wants to walk away from my problems as he had enough if it all. I was speaking to him for support but it looks like its too much hard work. He just told me to phone him when things are resolved. I've lost support from the only person I spoke to on he phone. I'm lost and miserable...

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Nothing like people kicking you when you are down. It's hurtful, I know, when people you thought you could rely on don't support you.

It sounds as though you are lonely and isolated, and for no fault of your own. Is there a carers' group you could join? Perhaps ask at your GP's surgery. It's essential that you don't let your daughter stop you going out as being stuck in the house all day together isn't going to do you any good. To help her you must take care of yourself.

Of course you're always welcome to share your experiences here and we're all here to listen and give whatever support we can offer. But being stuck in the house is not much fun and you also need friends and family you can call on and meet up with.

It's cruel of your uncle to behave like this. Things are not going to be so easily resolved if people like him walk away.

Please get in touch with your GP on your own account. It's really rotten to be in such a situation. I know how isolating it can be, caring for someone, as I cared for my mother and she couldn't be left on her own for more than an hour or so, and I felt the isolation.

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Thanks for your support xx

I am phoning my GP tomorrow

I need help.

My daughter told me she's only still eating out of obligation to me and her boyfriend as she doesn't want to upset any one.

She kept going on and on about killing herself and I lost it and said "go on then, if your that determined to do it and non of us can stop you just get on with it"

She just said that would suit you wouldn't it ? You'd be able to do all the things you can't do now!

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She is clearly wallowing in her own misery, which is clearly an indication of depression. I'm not surprised, given her situation. She is also likely feeling guilty because she knows how badly her OCD impacts on you, though she doesn't admit this to you.

I know she is resistant to taking tablets, but I think she needs to be persuaded to. They can be very effective, first of all in lifting the depression, which would make her feel more up to tackling the OCD. Also antidepressants do have an effect in blunting the worst of the OCD. Most of the SSRIs, which are the antidepressants usually prescribed, have few side effects, though this does vary. They are generally very good.

It is not unusual to resist taking medication, but people take it for physical ailments so why not for mental ones?

She really does need urgent care. Please explain to whatever medical services you can access that she is talking about harming herself.

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I totally agree with you there. x x

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I

Your poor daughter is zeriouzly ill and ertainly xoez need urgent care and attention.

I think that if your daughter is persuaded as much as possible into taking medication she would be in a better position to challenge her OCD then. I'ce read up on antidepressants and they al have side effects but some have less than others. Its a case of discovering wht agrees with her best .

I do hope the GP can refwr her to a psychiatrist and/or psychologist or both even one is enough to get the ball rolling.

Best of luck for tomorrow. xx

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I am going to ring the GP tomorrow. I feel depressed as I'm always in the firing line.

I've tried explaing to her about my uncle and she is manic and told me that I'm not interested in anything to do with her and everyone just does as they please and she moe can't even leave the house to get food.

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I hope the GP offers some support and help. Do let us know how you get on. x x x

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I agree totally. x x

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I feel reall deflated, I spoke with the GP abd they have said they wont come out to see her without my daughters permission. How on earth am I going to get her permission ? Feel really let down ☹

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They are not doing their job. They have a duty of care to you as well as your daughter and they are not fulfilling it. As for your daughter's consent, normally that is the case. They can't do anything without the patient's consent.

But if someone is in danger of harming themselves, they have, I think, legally, not only the right but a duty to intervene. There may be a case for sectioning, but I'm not an expert on this.

I'm not quite sure what you can do now. I don't know if an organization like Mind could help at least let you know your rights and how to get support.

The problem with GPs is that the system is overstretched and to some extent their hands are tied. But it makes me cross that people get help with their sniffles and coughs that get better anyway, but people with real problems are ignored.

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My family doctor rang me back and spoke to me. She has agreed to call in on us on next monday. So I have a week to wait. She said if things get worse (suicidal thoughts and geelings) phone an ambulance. I'vegot a migraine and vertigo today so feel even more tearful and vulnerable than ever.

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It's not really good enough. Particularly as A&E are not really equipped to deal with mental health crises. There has been a lot of criticism of this.

I have just had a browse of the internet and there's quite a lot for carers but none that really applies to your case. The best, I think is the Rethink Mental Illness website which does have quite a lot, including on resisting treatment and how to take care of yourself.

It's not easy being a carer, and even worse if you're feeling grotty yourself. It must feel so isolating. I really do feel for you.

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Just had another browse. The Rethink site is rethink.org and click on 'Carers and Family'. They have a downloadable online booklet on taking care of yourself and quite a bit that might be of help, also they give a helpline. It's a good site.

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I totally agree.

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Yes, I totally agree

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IHow about if your GP wss to speak to your daughter iver the phine? xx

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I totally agree. x

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I'm sorry that your GP has let you dowm.x

Its terrible that your GP doesn't understand your daughters OCD or anything about OCD,for that matter.

Why do they need your daughters permission?

Try ringing OCD Action numbers I gave you to keep safe. They are a brilliamt helo take it from me. xx

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I'm afraid that in most cases, a patient needs to agree to being treated and cannot be treated against their will. The decision can only be taken out of their hands if they are clearly not in a fit state to decide or if they are in immediate danger of harming themselves or someone else. But this sounds like just such an emergency.

I agree with OCD Action. I have phoned them myself and found them a great help.

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Sorry to hear that you are also depressed. x

I hope and pray to God that your GP can give you some advice. Best of luck. x x

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Well, maybe if the GP spoken to your daughter on the phone to discuss things maybe they could come to some kind of compromise?

but there again, thats if your daughter is willing to do so.

We all know that your daughter wants to get better, so try to encourage her to start fighting back again even if its only a little bit at a time, all the little things will then mount up to a little bit of freedom, and then work her way up her hierarchy gradually.

Hope this helps.. x x

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The GP told me to tell her she is coming to visit on Monday. As she's classed as an adult (she's 27) she has to agree to treatment of any kind. She has told me that no one can help her as she's too far f***ed in the head and no one can help her. She can't challenge herself to do anything to change her OCD as the OCD is too strong.if I try to encourage her to try again she gets in a manic state and just screams and swears at me and won't listen. I've tried saying surely you dont want to live like this and all she says is this is my life it doesn't effect you so shut up. The GP did mention she could have bipolar or another neurological disorder. I have been wondering that myself. Some times when she's manic she can make her voice in to an almost growl and sounds very deep. The first time she did it it frightened me and took me a few minutes to gather myself enough to speak to her.

I know she will flatly refuse any help that is offered so I guess it's left to me to just keep trying to get some help.

Thanks to everyone who has helped and given me advice. I really don't know what I'd do with out you xxxx

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You are welcome. xx

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I'm sure all of us are happy to help, knowing how horrible this illness can be. x x x x

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Maybe try looking into self help books on amazon for OCD and eating disorders and give them to them as gifts :D

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Thats a good idea.

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