Help and advice needed: Hi, my daughter has OCD she... - OCD-UK

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Help and advice needed

Blue42
Blue42

Hi, my daughter has OCD she hasn't been diagnosed threw the doctor but is skyping a counsellor. I can't get her to see a doctor and things have got progressively worse. I wanted to know how best to approach her letting go of absolute control over every aspect of my daily life. I can't go anywhere or do anything without her say so. I spend most of my day either cleaning or stranded in my bedroom. I know it's my fault I've allowed it to happen but i'd like to try and go back to having some sort of life where I can make my own decisions. She's terrified of contamination. She has now started to hoard empty hand soap containers and used antibacterial wipes. Is this part of the OCD ? And is it common to be afraid of throwing empty drink bottles away in public as she doesn't want to leave her DNA anywhere. Any advise would be welcomed. Thanks for reading.

31 Replies
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That's a difficult one. The standard professional answer is to refuse to accommodate your daughter's OCD in any way. But this is likely to cause unbearable stress to your daughter, at least to begin with. If she won't go to a doctor and get a referral, then you have every right to go on your own account and get help at least for yourself. And then, it should put you in a better position to help your daughter, including refusing to let her OCD control you, which should be helpful to her.

If someone with OCD has people around them who in effect collaborate with the OCD, there is little incentive to get better. The OCD is then king, and controls everyone's lives. So it's about being patient with your daughter, making reasonable allowance for her compulsions, but gradually insist that you are not to be controlled by her OCD.

Hoarding is a common problem with OCD and some of us have been known to hoard the most useless things! Obviously this is going to affect your living space so it's only reasonable that you have a say in it.

Don't go blaming yourself for it. It's difficult having OCD oneself, but it can make things pretty difficult for those around too! I'm afraid I'm guilty of that myself. I try not to affect others more than I can help, and ask them to be patient but not do anything more to accommodate my OCD.

Perhaps some self-help books could be of use. Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a good one, and has help on dealing with family members with OCD. If she can be gradually put in a position where she has to confront her OCD, then she will have the incentive to do so.

It's a truly horrible thing to have, but it can be if not actually cured, at least controlled enough to live almost normally.

Blue42
Blue42 in reply to Sallyskins

Thanks for your help a d advise. I'm not quite sure how I will start to say no to doing things for her. I have been through stages of her not eating and drinking for sometimes 4 or even 5 days as things are not clean enough for her and now she knows I will do anything for her to avoid her starving herself to death. She has already lost a considerable amount of weight and worries me on a daily basis. I have taken on board what you've said and I will try to reassert some sort of saying no. Many thanks.

Sallyskins
Sallyskins in reply to Blue42

I completely get what you are saying. Obviously putting your daughter's physical health at risk from malnutrition is not an option. It must be a great worry for you.

Perhaps gradually assert yourself where it is easiest for her, and doesn't risk her not eating. And do get some professional help. If she won't accept it herself, then you need support and information.

I know that I wouldn't have managed with my OCD if I hadn't had patience and co-operation from my friends and family. But if they were to indulge the OCD to the extent where it was controlling them, they would just be feeding it. It's a tricky balance, and I understand that leaving your daughter to manage without help is not on.

I'm sure that your daughter appreciates your love and support. She's fortunate to have you! My best wishes to you both.

Thanks for your help. It's very much appreciated.

Hi Blue this is Rusty, I my self suffer from anxiety and OCD. Your daughter desperately needs urgent help not just for herself but for you also Blue. I cant begin to imagine how hard this has been for you and how hard it is for you now. I think Blue your best option is to seek advice from a professional that deals in mental health in particular OCD. This is nothing to be ashamed of . 1 in 4 people suffer with a form of mental health be it OCD, Anxiety or some other form. If you can manage to get online and seek out Professional mental health advice for your area etc. I know this might be very hard for you blue as you do not want to cause more upset with your daughter. But if you leave it unfortunately the situation will get worse for the both of you. Good luck Blue and let me know how you get on. Rusty x

Things have hit crisis point today. I phoned 111 but as she won't speak to them they can't really do anything. She's now refusing to eat or drink. Which isnt ideal in this hot weather and shes in an attic room with the windows closed as she refuses to open then threw fear of contamination. My only hope is to ring my GP in the morning. I've not been brave enough to phone anybody before but I'm beside myself as what to do.

Classic OCD. Has she had any help?

Blue42
Blue42 in reply to Noodles17

No not any real help. She does talk to a counsellor threw Skype once a week. I'm not sure if any real progress has been made.

Ring crisis team

Hi, thank you for your reply, what is the crisis team and how do I contact them ?

Noodles17
Noodles17 in reply to Blue42

Via Social Services Mental Health Team

Blue42
Blue42 in reply to Noodles17

Thanks for the information. I had no idea you could do that.

Hi Blue

I used to suffer with periods of depression and anxiety in the past. That was before I found the real reason of the cause for most mental illness.

We are generally all born with innate mental health and wellbeing. Physical and mental illness happen when we are out of balance. OCD is the psychology signalling it is out of balance when we are thinking too much.

can you say more about your discovery of the REAL causes behind your mental suffering- I am very interested in why I feel so bad/guilty/ashamed/dirty/unworthy?

RAB888
RAB888 in reply to bergh

Hi

Many problems stem from 2 basic misunderstandings of our human experience, this starts in our childhood- we create our own experiences by overthinking, building layers around our self confidence, sets of beliefs that we are not good enough, we have self doubt, feeling of insecurity etc. We replay these negative memories repeatedly, reinforcing their power (thought is powerful ) until they become facts (or so it seems)

There is a new understanding that educates on where our experience actually comes from.

Modern therapy is working from the 'outside in'(and doesn't always work).

This understanding works from the 'inside out' teaching about the nature of thought

bergh
bergh in reply to RAB888

Thank you and do you have any further ideas on this, links to website or books as i agree with these thoughts? Huge thanks again, very much appreciated.

RAB888
RAB888 in reply to bergh

Look for a book called 'joyride ' by David Key.

Thanks x

RAB888
RAB888 in reply to bergh

If you want real life transformation, give me a call

bergh
bergh in reply to RAB888

how shall i do this please? I would really like to?

RAB888
RAB888 in reply to bergh

Do you have a Skype account?

bergh
bergh in reply to RAB888

I think so, i have skyped before-how do i find out if i have or what shall i do to subscribe? Otherwise happy to give you my mobile number? rachel

RAB888
RAB888 in reply to bergh

Just open a Skype app, enter account details, if you haven't before then creat a new account, it's free on wifi. I'm not sure if we can communicate freely on here so it's probably best not to print mobile number

RAB888
RAB888 in reply to bergh

My Skype address is richardbailey6929_1

RAB888
RAB888 in reply to RAB888

Just send me a message here and we can agree when to talk

bergh
bergh in reply to RAB888

hiya, i do have an existing skype account, its got my email address and then mobile number and landline, i don't have a skype number??? can we use this or do i need to create a number? It seems to want payment for that?

bergh
bergh in reply to bergh

I have just done something on skype to you??? am bloody useless at technology sorry!! rachel

RAB888
RAB888 in reply to bergh

Hi don't worry, I will be able to talk on Monday afternoon

bergh
bergh in reply to RAB888

ok, what doi i need to do and what time etc etc, thank you so much for all this.Rachel x

RAB888
RAB888 in reply to bergh

I will try to respond to your Skype call at 1pm on Monday and we can have a conversation to see if I can help you overcome your problems for good

bergh
bergh in reply to RAB888

ok what do i need to do, have my pc on and the skype page open? thanks

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