Her world has come crashing down and what am I supp... - OCD-UK

OCD-UK
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Her world has come crashing down and what am I supposed to do now?

My daughter (27) and I had a very successful day going food shopping.

We were in the kichen eating our dinner. My uncle knocked at the front door ( no one is allowed to visit as it is a major trigger for her) I didn't answer the door and he came around the back and knocked on the patio door.

She now thinks the whole house is contaminated especially the front door and she can never go out again so when shes ran out of food there's othing that can be done.

If she runs out of food she'll kill herself if she ends up in hospital she'll kill herself. She says she has enough paracetamol to over dose on them.

I was under the impression that things were getting a little easier for her she has been talking alot about what she will do when she gets better but its all been an act. This is tearing me apart. Do I wait until shes ran out of food and see if she changes her mind ? She has done before.

I feel like I'm back to square 1 with it all.

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Thanks xx

I know that in the end she's going to end up in hospital but I want to do all I can for her. Then I feel lost again. It's just a waiting game now I suppose x

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Sorry to hear about mhatso leaving its horrible to lose a friend . But please remember that I am here for you and your daughter whenever I can..xx

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That's lovely, thank you x

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You are wlcome anytime. xx

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I know x

Thanks for your support xx

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I don't think it good to lie in these matters. It breaks down trust if you are caught out. She could feel betrayed. Best to be open.

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It comes down to a breach of trust. Carers and therapists need to be trusted and trustworthy, and saying you've done something when you haven't is not likely to be helpful in this.

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I get that, but trust is still necessary. I know how I'd react if anyone tried to trick me.

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Me too.

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She already doesn't trust me. I made a few mistakes or she saw me do things wrong and she's had a melt down. She has told me she only tolerates me because she wont let anyone else do anything for her so she's stuck with me even though I'm dirty and contaminated.

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Well, if nobody else is allowed to do things for her; as my OCD will only allow one family member to do things for me.

I have exactly the same OCD as tour daughter and if they told me lies then that would cause a big row that could last a week and I would have a melt down.

So don't say tou are clean if yoy are not that only makes matters worse.

Have a shower of that makes her feel any cleaner before she gets up or after she has gone to bed then she could close the bedroom door and pull it to her.

Because I wouldnt go near my family unless I knew for certain they had a shower and changed clothes first and it would have to be the truth in a nice pleasant manner otherwise I would be in the same state as your daughter.

Please try my suggestions they work better for me and my family.

I am always here for both of you. xx

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I already have a minimum of 2 showers every day (and have had as many as 10 in the not so distant past)

Showering is not the issue. It's the not doing things as she wants them is the issue. I always try to do things right but I'm only human x

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Well, instead of 'not doing things' try to do whateever compulsions she wants yoy to do then and in the order she wants them like washing your hands inbetween the washing/ cleaning etc. How about that? xx

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Yep I do that anyway x

She's now back to being vile verbally to me now and as usual everything is my fault and no body listen's to her. I can only be responsible for my own actions at the end of the day x

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The problem there is that the OCD is in control not just of her life, but of yours, too. I know that you can't just dump her in it, but doing everything she wants means that she has no incentive to get better.

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I don't know about that; I wouldn't say that. It doesnt mesn that ar all. Of course she wants to get better like us all. But the OCD is in control of them and not being able to have professional help makez it worse still.

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I do think that your daughter needs urgent professional help. She, and you, can't go on like this. Get in touch with your local community mental health service and explain that she and you are suffering, and that your daughter is putting her health at risk.

Having said that, feelings like this do subside. I've felt like that before myself but it doesn't go on feeling so acute. I once tried to throw myself out of a moving car because the driver, a friend's then boyfriend, went down a road I didn't like going down and wouldn't stop and go back. I still feel angry when I remember his unconcern while I panicked. But the panic has gone as far as that goes.

There are lots of things I felt I couldn't do or places I couldn't go because of my OCD. It has often taken a lot of breaking down barriers in my mind so I could do them. It really can get better.

I've felt that things were contaminated too, and the feeling has subsided.

I don't think that she has just been putting on an act. She really must have been feeling positive, when this set back occurred. I'm sure she really wants to get better because it's pretty lousy having OCD.

It's frightening for her to think of being in hospital, as she'd have no control over her situation. I know how she feels, and really resisted going into hospital for four months for intensive treatment. Obviously, it's better if she can be kept out of emergency hospital care. But I don't think you should wait before getting some kind of emergency help for her and for yourself.

I really feel for you both. I'm afraid that recovery from OCD is a case of a little progress followed by a set back, but then comes a little progress again.

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Thanks for your reply x

She said herself that it was all an act and that she's too far gone mentally for anyone to help her. She blames everyone else. I did say it's not you it's the OCD but she refuses to see that. Part if me just wants someone else to deal with it all but I don't want to give up on her either x

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Hi Blue42,

I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is in dire straits and I think its best that she ses a psychiatrisf even if everywhere had to be washed down when they've gone or when she comes in whicbever is less anxiety provoking..

If her OCD is like mine then its very off putting to have to see anyone which is the main reason i dont have much to do with mental health team myself .

I need to get back into the system again at some point.

I blame myself for everything nobody else...

Her boyfriend had no right to speak to her the way be did because its not in at all. I know he was getting stressed out with her OCD, b but there was no need to take everythung out on her. Instead he could have ssid she needs to see a doctor and ezplain in a nice manner how her OCD is affecing his life and yours of course

He had no right to say horrible things to het and let her diown.

Dont worry you know you can vent here anytime and I will get back when I can.

Take care. xx

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Thank you for your suppprt xx

I don't know what Will happen now x

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It is normal to resist treatment for OCD because it's so difficult to relinquish what little control you have. So I can understand why she is digging her heels in about hospital. But there is a way out of OCD, if not a complete cure then at least enough to get pleasure out of things and function.

Please get urgent care for your daughter and for yourself. Nobody particularly likes having to be treated for a mental condition but it can be a relief for everyone if you can do so. It lifts a huge responsibility from your shoulders just to let someone take care of you, or if you're a carer, for someone else to share the responsibility.

Many of us have been in similar situations to your daughter. I have been myself, even though my OCD is different to hers. I could hardly leave the house for quite a while. It easy for your daughter to blame everyone else, but no one is to blame.

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My main obstacle is her boyfriend. When the GP came for the first time a few weeks ago they both sat there practically ignoring him.

I must admit I was cross because her boyfriend answered most of the questions for her and made out I was making things sound worse than they are and how much better she is and has made loads of progress.

I only wish she had. He doesnt want her to go in hospital even though she needs to.

He is under the false impression that I don't know how serious her condition is !!!

Er...hello....I'm with her practicality 24 7 !

I think it'shim who's got his head in the sand ! X

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That's not helpful on the part of the GP. He should have insisted on getting answers from your daughter and not her boyfriend.

Get in touch with him again, and stress how difficult the situation is. If he can't or won't help, go straight to the Community Mental Health Service.

It's can't be easy for the boyfriend either, but he doesn't know half of what you know of the situation, and he shouldn't hold back your daughter's treatment.

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She adamant tbat if she goes in hospital she'll never let us see her and she'll never come home again as we are contaminated and she wont know where we've been.

She has said...put me in hospital I wont take the medication and I'll kill myself. I could do that already by slashing my wrists.

I only have food for 4 days so I'll either die or kill myself after 4 days. Im only hear as I feel guilty for leaving my boyfriend x

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Please get urgent help. I don't know if she is bluffing or serious, possibly a bit of both, but don't test it.

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Big hug to you. So feel for you & her. She sounds like she's not ready to be home. That's not success & she's frustrated. I think saying she enough pills is defence mechanism. But she's not enough in control of herself. It's just way it is. I feel for you it's got to be so overwhelming you get scared because you don't want to lose trust. Can u contact her therapist they can't give u info but you can relay your concerns. I did that with my mom. Don't be afraid to be the parent. That's your job too. You're in the thick of that.

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I totally agree wirh you there.

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Thanks for your support.

She told me her counsellor told her last week to try and do things differently or she may end up in hopital. So I think she must know what is going on but it is still worth me considering contacting her. Thanks x

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I think it's essential that you get in touch with her therapist. It may be that the therapist has only a limited understanding of just how severe your daughter's problems are, as you daughter may try to minimize them to the therapist, whereas you actually live with her and know. At the moment hospital may be the best place for her, and she may realize that if she is admitted.

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I agree. xx

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Sorry for the long delay in replying. x

I hope and pray your daighter wont have to end up in those horrible places

.

. I know that she only has a counsellor but I suggest you ting the local mental health team and explain all her symptoms and how they are affecting family life and please ask them to refer her to a psychologist who maybe able to give her CBT and hope that the waiting list is not that long also stress that how serious it is that your poor daughter gets help and cannot be ignored or neglected..

It is really scary at first for the first time seeking help xan be very embarrassing, froghtening and humiliating so I can see why she has been putting it off .

It's nobodys fault and nobody is to blame for how serioys things are. We dont ask for these things . Both of you are only human

I think that if your daighter is vile etc, it might be her way of saying she cant cope anymore , and that she is absolutely petrified all the time and her panic attacks wont stop and doesnt know how to go about it..

Remember all the information I gave you telephone numbers etc please give them a try toi.

You can vent here anytime.

Take care. x

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