So, after feeling so low and having lots of arguments with my daughter, I finally told her I'm at the stage where I could walk out and never come back. I told her I need a break from her as if I don't then I'll be the one in hospital and I would welcome it with open arms. She protested and said you can't. She even threatened to hide my house keys. I just said I'm going out with it without your say so. Anyway, she woke up the nxt day and said I could go (was going to anyway).
She has now after 2 days started to talk normally to me. She decided to go food shopping without a major debate and today has said She wants to do her washing.
As far as she was concerned I had ruined her life and nothing would ever be clean again and she would run out of food and starve herself.
I know this is a huge turn around on her part. I guess she knows I'll phone the GP is she refuses to eat again.
Am I foolish in thinking this is a major victory ? Or am I just kidding myself that things will get better?
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Blue42
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All your daughter really needs is love and understanding.
Slow things down. Try not to make any important decisions when you're in a low mood, thinking way too much.
imagine your mind is like a snow globe. Shake it up (thinking too, much too fast etc) and the snow globe is full of 'thoughts '.
It's only when it's allowed to settle...all the thinking slows down...then it becomes clear...ask what do I do next....then the gift of 'universal mind' (which everyone has)...will serve you with the answer.
This is one of the principles behind all human experience
I'm afraid I must disagree. Love and understanding are all very well and good, but if you are being pushed to breaking point yourself it can be very difficult.
Also, though love, understanding and support are vital to help someone with OCD, the OCD won't go away with these alone. It needs standing up to.
I'm not saying you should rush things. Go at a pace that suits, but if you hadn't done what you did in refusing to let your daughter's OCD control you, you'd still be at an impasse.
I think that is the right approach. In any case you can't help her if you have been run into the ground with meeting her unreasonable demands. Having to rely on her own efforts is likely to force your daughter to stand up to her OCD. And that makes things better for her.
Of course she is still going to be angry, but I'm sure she knows that you haven't ruined her life. It's OCD that's the enemy. At the moment she feels that nothing can ever be clean enough, and I know how that feels! But she is likely to feel better about it in due course.
This is a major step forward, I believe. She knows that you will continue to support her, but that you will not support the OCD and refuse to be controlled by it. She may realize how much pressure she has put you under recently. The more OCD is indulged, the more it demands. And the patient feels no incentive to fight it. Now she has to stand up to it, your daughter has the incentive to get better.
A tip I learnt from my therapist is to think of the intense panic as like a wave that swells but then will subside, or clouds overhead that then move on and disperse. I've found this helpful, and perhaps when your daughter is feeling receptive enough she could too.
Thanks for your advice everyone. It certainly helps to have other people's input. I'm taking each day as it comes at the moment. She's stopped being so angry now and although she hasn't been able to go in her 'clean room' which she sees as her only safe place in the whole house, she has been able to get up every day and eat and has even been to asda to do her shopping and washed her own clothes. So I guess your right and her world hasn't ended. Things are going along pretty smoothly so I'll have to see how things go from here. The GP is going to call in on us on Monday. I've not told her yet as I know she wont like it. X
You as a parent or carer need time out for yourself and I can see where tour daughter is coming from because I used to have those problems thrying to stop my dad from ringin the GP at the time many years ago I wish he had have rang our GP instead he phoned the police who waited outside for half an hour in the car and then departed. However I dont wish to delve into it any further because it creates bad memories. I used to snath the phone off him. Enough about me for now. Obviously your daughter may need you to get involved with her commpulsive rituals which is feeding it. I have the same OCD as her. However I am in dire straits too. If she feels as though shr is making progress then good for her Hope your daughter starts eating again best of luck.
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Please read my story
OCD sufferer for many years
My life with OCD