Am I doing the right thing ? : Am I doing the... - OCD Support

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Am I doing the right thing ?

Am I doing the right thing by letting her set the pace for how she tackles her OCD?

After talking to her counsellor she has agreed to try and use less hand soap for washing her hands from 500mls each time to 300mls each time. I dont want to push her at a pace that shes not ready for but I can't help wondering if there should be a time frame for her to work towards, or am I being too optimistic?

I don't want to push her and put too much pressure on her as I know this makes her worse. So I'm gentley encouraging her to do things as she geels comfortable doing so and she seems okay with that and has already started trying to use less soap.

Obviously we all want our loved ones to be void of panic and Paranoia and be filled with calm and contentment. Thats all any of us would wish for.

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Blue42

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14 Replies

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7 years ago

Yes you are doing right by letting her set the pace for her to combat her OCD because my family have eventually agreed to do the same for me because i you could monitor her progreds yourself like if if you think she is improving or still the same etc intil it gets to a manageable level. Being optimistic about the future is good but there really isnt a time limit I wouldsay it can take up to a year depending on how she gets on with her counsellor. In my opinion your daughter needs CBT if she is chrinic. Just encourage her to start with the things that cause her the least anxiety first and work her way up her hierarchy' if she has made one ...a list of alll her fears.'

PS How does your daughter manage when she is out and does she have to wash her clothes when he gets home or shower or wash the hall down or anywhere for that matter?

Blue42• in reply to7 years ago

Thanks for your support x

She has set clothes she wear's to do her shopping until 2 weeks ago, if anyone got too close to her or some one with dirty work clothes got near her she woukd throw away her clothes and her shopping as she saw them as contaminated.

She now just tries not to over think it or freak out and walks past them at speed.

So some progress has been made already. I would love to tell her how proud of her I am but she thinks I'm getting at her and that I want her to speed her way to recovery. I'm not that insensitive I realise these thinks take time x

Sallyskins7 years ago

It does help if you go at her pace. I know from my own experience how frightening and traumatic it can be to have the pace forced. I have found that going at a gentle and unpressured pace gets the best results, at least for me, and I would think for your daughter too. That said, it can help to have goals to encourage her to do as much as she can.

A hierarchy of things to achieve starting with the least stressful can certainly help. Also can help to make a list of what she wants to do, say for the following day, following week or following month. No need to be too rigid about it, and don't let her beat herself up if she doesn't stick to it.

If expressing your encouragement rubs her up the wrong way then it's best to be silent about it, but I'm sure she'll know you appreciate it when she does her best.

The best thing you can do, apart from giving her the support and encouragement you clearly are, is to refuse to let her OCD rule your life as well. Having people to wait on them, or rather on their OCD, is what deters people with OCD from having to make any effort to get better. I don't mean drop her right in it, but withdraw your cooperation gradually.

It's clearly taking it out of you by restricting your own life, and watching your daughter suffer, but it sounds like you are coping extremely well in trying circumstances.

Blue42• in reply toSallyskins7 years ago

Thank you for your support. I must admit I'm finding it a huge relief to be able to talk to people with similar problems openly in stead of in hushed tones. I find it alot easier to find support on the forum. Before I was at breaking point and didn't know which way to turn. I owe each one of you a huge thank you, if I hadn't found you I'm not sure where I'd be right now. X

• in reply toBlue427 years ago

You are welcome anytime .x

Sallyskins• in reply toBlue427 years ago

At least more people know about OCD! I had it for years without even knowing it had a name, let alone that other people had it too. But it is still misunderstood, with people saying 'I'm a little bit OCD' because they like to keep things neat.

I think it does help to share experiences with other people who know just how horrible OCD is. Feel free to post or message here as much as you want. There's always a sympathetic ear here.

I do hope your daughter can reclaim her life from OCD. And that you can reclaim yours! I had a spell in hospital, in the OCD ward of Springfield Hospital in Tooting a few years ago and found it helped enormously. I didn't much like the thought of being in hospital for four months but it did me good and was actually a pleasant and therapeutic place and they let me go at my own pace. It might be worth considering for your daughter and would give you a respite as well. It is NHS so it's free but there is a waiting list.

xxx

bubble02• in reply toBlue427 years ago

Hello I am new to the site and just reading the posts for help support and encouragement and what a lot of lovely people you all are. It took me ages to join and because I have Healthunlocked come to my email I decided to try this. I have such kind responses, I am very limited to seeing other people due to ocd and getting out so any help and advice to fight this would be very welcome I am looking at what other people have done to fight and I am very glad you have shared this with us. I notice that some have suggested planning things how does this work and is it helpful how do you plan going out as been in so long and scared of the idea and change, I find my doubts and change of trying something different is very hard.

7 years ago

Best of luck to your daughtet. If I am well enough and not at breaking point or having panic attacks I will try to help you of I can. I am still not copimg with my own OCD let alone everyone elses. Ive been having too many panic atacks amd/or taken up washing my habds or sprndimg longer than average in the shower or i might br reassuring myself about various situations. I thought it may help me but it hasnt done much as i have been thinking too much about your daughter and other stressful situations in my life which have made my OCD worse. However if you dont hear from me I might not be well to talk. Take care . x

Blue42• in reply to7 years ago

I appreciate the help and support you have given me already and wouldn't want to make your situation worse.

You are a very strong and brave person.

I'm sorry if I have made your OCD worse that was never my intention. Please take care of yourself and concentrate on the one person that really matters .....and thats you. xx

7 years ago

Thanls for understanding. x I would say there are too many other stressful events in my life over the past two months which have had a bad effect on my OCD and i have been having umpteen severe panic attacks and anxiety attacks and these horrible nagging thoughts wont let me sleep at night, it takes ever so long to get off to sleep. These are some of the reasons i had to return to your replies later in the day or in the middle of the night. Its a bit like your daughter concentrating on us rather than herself as I have the same OCD as her and can sympathise with her a lot. I am enclined to put other sufferers first thats me but there again I need a lot of help myself because I know i am not at all well myself. I may try my best to reply if i'm not caught up with my own OCD. But if I am then there maybe a delay in me getting back to you and need help and support from others. Lets see how today goes for us all.

Blue427 years ago

Don't ever be worried about not answering my messages. I totally understand that you have things going on in your own life.

I'm here for you if you need a friend we can just talk about the weather or whats on the tv instead of focussing on the OCD.

Take care and speak to you soon xx

Blue427 years ago

Hi, hope your ok today xx

7 years ago

Hi. I'm not too bad today thanks for asking. Hope your daigher is ok today. x i cant stop im in the middle of something. Sorry about that. x

Blue427 years ago

You never have to appolagise for anything xx

Glad your okay xx

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