What do people think about me writing to my GP about my daughter's OCD symptoms ? I feel the need to tell him exactly how this effects her as well as me in our daily lives. I know I'd be going behind her back but also feel like if they don't know 80% of what's going on how are they going to help her ? I'd be grateful for any feed back.
Letter to my GP: What do people think about me... - OCD Support
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Letter to my GP
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Blue42
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Hello,
I am sorry that you and your daughter are struggling so much. I cannot tell you what to do, but perhaps you might draw some strength from my recent experience. My mum has OCD, she knows she has a problem but has always shyed away from asking the GP for help. When I have tried to contact the GP in the past he brushed my concerns aside. Things got to the point where I just couldn’t see my mum living like this any more. I wrote a letter to the GP begging him to help my mum, I c.c’d the practice manager and also the Chief Exective of the local Mental Health Trust. Within a week they have contacted my mum and she is being seen by a mental health team. I don’t know how your daughter will react, but my mum, who has always been in complete denial is now willing to consider help. We are at least on the first rung of the ladder to her managing her condition.
I really hope you and your daughter can find some peace of mind.
Thanks for the support. I really don't think she will thank me for interfering in what she sees as her way of living. She has informed me this morning that she doesn't want me to have access to her online prescription service at the doctors anymore. (she won't speak to anyone on the phone so it's always me that sorts out appointments etc) I just said it's up to her. I think probably her partner has something to do with it as he said he wanted to be classed as her next of kin at the doctors, in effect freezing me out. Part of me thinks so what. Get in with it without me, but she will still want me to clean everything. I feel like walking out and leaving them to it bit my love for my daughter keeps me here afraid of her doing something to herself.
I have been reading about your struggles to be heard and supported and am sorry that the GP didn't help. You can ask to see another GP if you feel you were not heard. Have you looked at the NICE guidelines - stepped care pathway for OCD? Google it, as it tells you what you should expect from your health services. I wonder if there is a Specialist Psychotherapy Service in your nhs trust? They are part of the stepped care model quite a bit further down the line (after GP and IAPT) but as specialists surely would offer you advice? Also you could contact OCDaction.org.uk for information, advice and I believe advocacy. I hope some of this is useful. Do look after yourself too, there may be a support group that you can go to for some sharing and self are. Take care .
Thank you for you help and advice. I will Google the info you have given me and go from there.
It could be worth trying a letter. The GP has a duty of care to you, and if they won't help your daughter without her co-operation, they still should take your well being into account.
It is possible to go directly to the local mental health team. They should be able to offer you support and point you in the direction of carers' support groups.
There's a big problem with people with mental health problems refusing help unless they are putting their own lives directly in danger or physically attacking others. There's the 'nothing we can do if they won't accept help' attitude.
It really isn't a lifestyle choice your daughter is making, however she may want to put it. Nobody likes having OCD, and most of us are only too pleased to accept help, but it can be scary as challenging the rules and rituals is so difficult to get one's head around. It becomes almost normal to the sufferer.
It's not nice to be frozen out of your daughter's care, particularly as you are clearly a very supportive parent and have gone out of your way to accommodate her. Is there any way of talking to her partner about it? It may feel like going behind her back, but letting OCD rule your life as well as hers, and possibly her partner's as well, isn't exactly an alternative.
Stress the fact that your daughter is in danger of becoming seriously undernourished and that her physical health is in danger. They need to take it seriously.
Thanks for your support and advice. I've decided to hold off giving the letter to the GP. I have written everything down and put it in a safe place.
I have tried to talking to her partner but he doesn't really think there's a problem. As she's threatened to never speak to or see either of us if she goes on hospital. she uses this as a way of emotionally black mailing him into doing as she wants. He also thinks she gas made huge progress in the last few weeks. He doesnt want to loose her so he will play stuff down as he believes anything she tells him. If she has stuff to do she asks him to stay out of the house, sometimes for up o 14 hours a day so he doesn't see even half of what she does. All he's interested in is her not going in hospital as he won't see her again. I can understand that but this way of life has gone way past what she wants.
I told her I needed time to myself on Sunday. She protested and told me I I wasn't going anywhere. I said I didn't care what she said I was going anyway. After she slept on the idea she agreed I could go out. It was lovely to have a couple of hours 'being normal but I do feel re-energised and no where near breaking point for the moment. She still hates me and takes every chance to remind me this is my fault. I have also told her I'm not prepared to have this as the norm now either. Somethings gotta give and if it's me then I will go in hospital with open arms. As I'm not living like this forever. I'm not at all sure what'sgoing to happen but I guess it's all down to me.
I'll just have to battle on and see what happens.
Hi Blue42, this is the first time that I've replied to a message, but I really felt compelled to say something about your last post. We're in a slightly different situation to you in that our daughter is only 14, so we still have parental involvement with CAMHS and the doctor. This is her second bout, it first manifested as an eating disorder when she was 9 and, following hospitalisation, she was fine for 3 years but it came back a year ago as more obvious OCD around exercise and eating control.
One thing that struck me was the amount of control your daughter has over you. That's the phrase that was used against me when my daughter was 9. My immediate reaction was 'you don't know me and no she doesn't!' If she was naughty, she was reprimanded, sent to her room, had treats removed, just as we had reprimanded our older daughter. That same day, however, she was upset and I said come and have a cuddle, she said okay but in here, I followed, 'no here' she moved, I followed, 'no over here', that's when it dawned on me that she was controlling me with emotion.
Eating disorders and OCD thrive on control, I can't tell you how much control your daughter has over you, but please read your own post back and think about my experience.
Have you spoken to anyone? Can you reach out to the mental health services to get some help and advice about the best way you can help your daughter? If she refuses to get help, you can't do anything about that, but you can change the way that you react to the illness. One thing I've realised is that a lot of the time I'm not talking to my daughter, I'm talking to the illness (that has come out of an eating disorder book, but it sometimes helps to think about it that way and helps you become more objective about the illness that's taken over a person you adore).
It's really tough, I often act the wrong way, and I can't imagine how tough it will be for you being removed from her care. But please, if you haven't seen anyone, go get some advice and help for yourself. It's not your fault by the way, whatever she says. It's an illness that's incredibly manipulative and protective of its behaviours. Please get help for yourself.
It isn't easy to refuse to do as your daughter demands, but remember how much of a control-freak OCD really is. The more anyone gives in to it, the more it demands. It's like a manipulative bully and blackmailer, as the OCD expert Dr Paul Salkovskis has put it, and it isn't satisfied until it has the sufferer and those around them at its complete mercy.
The more you organize your life around your daughter's OCD, the more it will demand of you. It sounds as though her partner is also in its thrall, and is afraid of losing her if he doesn't give into what OCD is demanding. It also is clear that she keeps a good deal of what she does secret, so he doesn't know just how much of a hold it has.
Bullies go away if you stand up to them. As a child I was very badly bullied at school. It stopped when I learnt to stand up for myself and wouldn't tolerate the bullies' behaviour.
The more your daughter has to rely on herself to stand up to OCD, the more she is likely to make a stand against it. I'm sure she doesn't hate you, she just hates her OCD and takes it out on you and her partner, because you are the closest to her. I'm not suggesting abandoning her entirely, just refusing to let yourself be ruled and overruled by her OCD. If she goes into hospital she might well be angry, but then she might well start to be grateful for the help.
I've had OCD for many years and I know how hard it is to stand up to it. I'm not suggesting it's an easy thing to do. But OCD doesn't let up until it has you completely immobile like a blob of jelly unless you do stand up to it. In reclaiming your own life, you will be helping your daughter to reclaim hers.
She's fortunate to have such caring people, you and her partner, around her. It certainly isn't your fault, whatever she says, and she knows that.
Thank you for your advice and support. She's stop being verbally abusive to me now, and she decided to go to Asda to get food on Monday and is planning to do washing on Wednesday. She doesn't always make decisions without discussion first so I'm pleasantly surprised and hope she makes more decisions herself. X
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