Hello everyone! I'm new to this site. I joined because I was desperate for some sort of way to handle my intrusive thoughts. My intrusive thoughts started during the summer of this year. I started having intrusive thoughts regarding my religion. I thought God hated me and I would go to confession days in a row and still feel guilt. As time went on, I learned to handle my intrusive thoughts and as they started happening I learned to not let them phase me (I'm not really sure how I did this. It just sort of happened). Life starting getting better until the beginning of my senior year when I took a theology class at my school. My teacher, who is kind of the "do this or you're going to hell type", was giving us a lecture about how impure thoughts are mortal sins and how we are going to hell if we don't confess them. Immediately this set an alarm off in my brain. I thought, "I've had impure thoughts before! I need to confess them tonight or else I'm going to hell!" So I went to confession that night and confessed impure thoughts even though they were just little thoughts that had entered my brain and I had completely forgot about after they had entered my mind for a couple of seconds. After this happened, I have had continuous "impure" or sexual OCD intrusive thoughts. I feel disgusting even sharing that. The intrusive thoughts are constant. Even when I am not thinking directly of them, they are haunting me in the back of my mind. When I wake up I have an immediate fear that I will have an intrusive thought. While I have not been diagnosed with OCD yet, I am 150% sure I have OCD after doing a lot of research. When I read symptoms of OCD or I hear stories from someone who has OCD, it's like I am reading about myself. The comparison is almost identical.
The main reason I am reaching out is because I am at a point where OCD has completely taken over my life and I have no idea what to do. It's gotten to the point where I've had a intrusive thought during my favorite show and I can't watch the show anymore without feeling guilt or remembering the intrusive thought that I had. Same with songs and etc. Today I was listening to one of my favorite albums when I had a intrusive thought and I had to shut it off and go to my room. I later had a mental breakdown of hysteric sobbing and searching the internet on how to deal with intrusive thoughts and that is how I stumbled onto this support network.
My parents know that I am struggling with mental illness (depression and anxiety), but they do not know that I am struggling with OCD. Quite frankly, I don't know how to tell them. I am afraid that they won't believe me or that they will be disgusted by intrusive thoughts. I've only told one person about my probably OCD and I still feel uncomfortable talking about it because I feel that they might think I'm seeking attention or that I'm weird because of my intrusive thoughts. I have an appointment coming up soon with a counselor but I am wondering if I should meet with a psychologist? If you have thoughts on this please comment below.
For those who have struggled or are currently struggling with OCD, How do you cope with intrusive thoughts? Do you ever feel like your a normal person again? Does life get better or will I always have this unsettling feeling in the back of my mind? If you have any advice on how to cope with it, please let me know. I am desperate for answers at this point.
If you read to the end, thank you! God bless!