This has been forming in my head for a little while so bear with me. As you all know i'm under the shrink at the hospital (can't spell ). I do a lot of thinking sitting here resting. I find i am angry at myself for having this disease and wonder what i could have done to deserved it all. Not all the time because i believe that god only gives us what we can cope with,somedays i wonder about that. Hubby took me to nuneaton this morning, i find that i don't want to hold him up and try and rush to get what i want done and not enjoy the privilige of being taken out. I feel its too much hassle to go out sometimes, anyone understand where i'm coming from. I hate to ask anyone to take me out, though i know i've got good neighbours who will oblige, just hate to ask. I know i am seriously depressed and as i'm having treatment i wonder if it has brought all these thoughts to the fore. I feel that i don't want to hold people up even if its my loved ones.
The ra and the fibro have had a devastating effect on me and i have got to try to accept the disease and work round it. Thats easier said than done. I've always said that i wouldn't give in to this damn disease.
I am usually a cheerful person as you all know too well from my previous blogs, and i am, its just hard sometimes to anylise whats going on in my head. I have a lot of pain and no answers. I feel that everyone in the medical profession is fed up with me. Silly i know,but thats how i feel.
Now to finish on a more cheerful note, i'm going to go and wrap xmas presents.
Ta ta. sylvia.xx