Lovely day off....not ended so well tho im fuuuummmiingg!

[Gwen]

Thank that has wished me a nice day off i have a nice day just relaxing and resting. Ava came home a happy little girl she got ready for bed a good girl with no fuss which is unusual because her dad is working away in birmingham, and when hes away she normally plays up coz with she gets away with most things! anyway, i was putting her to bed just about to read her a story and i asked her if she had a good day and she replied ''yeh, when i went in my car seat the strap wouldnt fasten so grandma just sat me in it and sat in the back with me''. now i am very mad and upset even though its only a couple of minutes drive from their house to school, but her grandad drove and he has severe parkinsons. And after school they took her to see her great grandad which is a half hour drive away on a dual carriage way. Ava did say the strap fastened when they went to grandads but the point is that her grandma should have rung me and asked me to have a look at it or have my car seat instead. If they had crashed her straps could have give way....well..? so i have asked jason to have a word with his parents if i do ill get angry. I cant believe it, i am so glad my daughter tells me everything.

So yeh nice day but not a happy mummy but so glad she is back safe and sound with me tucked up in bed xxxx

[nanniejan]

OMG what is wrong with them , I look after my Grandchildren and they are the most precious cargo I carry in my car or walking or even in the house , I'm not surprised that you are angry I would be if my daughter or son in law did that !!!

Jan Xx

[allanah]

AAArgh its so annoying isn't it. You got a rest cos the grandparents helped and then you find out they didn't do it safely!!

Good idea to get you hubby to ask them about the car straps but gently does it as maybe they did do the straps??? Or maybe they just didnt want to bother you when u were sick. I know these sound like excuses for them but it can be hard being a grandma for the first time too!! She was probably worried too sat in the back seat to keep her safe?

I suppose though its good for her to have her grandparent close, mine live over 4 hours away and i missed the help when mine were growing up. My mum insisted on giving the kids sweets at breakfast time which was not acceptable to me, i asked her to stop and it was only years later i heard that the kids and her had a pact to tell me that she didn't give them sweets any more even though she did!! i think it was her way of spoiling them. And i sent lots of toothpaste, brushes and mouthwash when they stayed!!

maybe check the car seat tomoro and see if it needs looking at anyway in case Ava has grown?? to give u piece of mind. But isnt it good to have a day off in the long run and I hope you are feeling better very soon and able to have that infusion. lots of love and ye, your right, whats it to do with me!! love Axx

[helixhelix]

I can understand that you're cross, but nothing did happen so try not to get too mad as they were probably as worried as you, and drove at a snail's pace. I think you're taking right approach asking your husband to speak to his parents and gently check that the seat is fine, and also perhaps check see how his dad feels about driving at all? Parkinson's is not a fun disease, and if it's severe then he may not be wanting to admit that his problems are getting worse. I have a friend with Parkinson's and it was very hard for him to accept when the day came where he really had to stop driving. I think I'd be more worried about that than a one time problem with the car seat. Polly

[Gina_K in reply to helixhelix]

Yes agree she should have been strapped in properly and you are right to be concerned. However, don't let that outweigh the fact that they were looking after your little girl, and that she and you are so lucky to have parents that love their grandchild and are interested.

My mum was the only grandparent, that made time for my kids, now they are all grown up she has had her love back ten fold, while other certain grandparents are quite lonely.

Please don't stress too much re safety, gentle reminder and thanks for taking her on trip, obviously agree re Parknsons.

Gina.

[Mel_]

One word - inlaws! Mine are the same, help me out by offering to look after the children then they come home full of stories about things they have done that I do not allow them to do; hence I don't have a good relationship with mine. You will bubble over this until it's sorted. The main thing she is safe. x

[oldtimer]

It's difficult isn't it when you have different ideas and standards from other people who are then responsible for your children. When my children were young, there were no special car seats for them, and seat belts had only recently become compulsory.

I had to learn how to put a car seat into the car and how to put the child (wriggling and unco-operative) just like all parents do - I had not done it before either.

I well remember the first time, picking my first grandchild up from nursery and having to go back into the nursery to ask if anyone could help me. Fortunately one of the nursery staff came out and (slightly patronisingly) showed how the straps went (one was hidden). I was panicking because I was parked on double yellow lines too!

And when I'm looking after them, we have to have a standard that it's MY rules when I'm in charge, so that there are no arguments of "But I'm allowed..." (By the way, they think I'm very strict like the teachers at school!)

But I do think your husband has to tackle the issue of his father driving.

[allanah]

Hi again Gwen,

I was thinking about you over the night and thought of something else. Could it be that ,like me, underneath you don't like to ask for this help. I was thinking your not well, you maybe see that as being after your infusion and therfore due to having this rotten RA.

I get angry at times when I ask my hubby or kids to do something and they never do it to my standards and it frustrates me to bits. I hate asking for help in shops and even just making beds and I get angry cos i got sick.

You had to ask for help yesterday as you were sick and that was down to your illness, and then having to get Ava looked after might have annoyed you underneath? These are just some thoughts as this is how i feel at times. I feel for you so much, with small kids and not well.

I do agree as i said above that u do have to broach the subject of safety in the car, of course for the safety issues, but as this horrid disease goes on you may be glad of this help. But it must be under agreed rules and trying not to "blame" each other. Your daughter no doubt loves her grandparents to bits and its good for her to go to see them and be shown off to all their friends too! I would try to maintain the relationship but talk it through gently with them.

Hope you feel much better today after your rest and am thinking of you.Axx

[Hidden]

I agree with what all the others are saying Gwen. I have been saying on my blog that my in-laws have been totally useless. I would have loved to have ones who looked after my children and actually engaged with them - even if they were living over a thousand miles away? In fact I think if mine had been warm and kind we probably would have lived much closer to them - but then again my own parents were adorable and we still lived miles away so maybe not? But as Gina said grandparents reap what they sow and my children still mourn the deaths of my parents whereas they have no relationship at all with their father's family. Today is my son's 15th birthday and no one from his dad's family has phoned - their excuse is dire family circs but my OH says that's not good enough for aunties with no kids themselves

I wouldn't bite the hand that helps, supports and cares because that's good for your child too - but would get your man to explain to his folks that driving even a short distance with Parkinsons and no seatbelt is totally unacceptable. TTx