Almost certain I have depression.

[pinksugarmouse]

It's just been too much. It's not just the pain, it's the stress of having to ask, beg, chase and nag for just about everything. I feel I am being judged harshly whatever I do. There are some people on here who seem to be very sure they are best placed to tell me that I am making the wrong choices and that I am "not managing my condition effectively" when I spend a large proportion of my time trying to just that. I have spent my whole life with this condition which means I don't appreciate being patronised. Of course I know the b***dy risks of steroid injections and the importance of drug reviews. By the time I had reached puberty I was starting to make choices about how I wanted to treat my disease. These things are RA part one.

I have never taken Tramadol before now. I only started it this year. I have kind of "put up with the pain" and dismissed it as just part of my life but finally I started to think about my attitude towards pain killers. I decided that as my RA was only going to get worse not better I was going to have to make a choice and I chose to try stronger pain killers. No other painkiller has ever worked for my RA not paracetamol or aspirin or ibuprofen, naproxen..... But this works.

Things are tricky anyway at the moment. Beside the flare up my relationship with my 13 year old daughter has turned into a nightmare. Her room is an absolute hovel, she speaks to me like dirt and refuses to do anything around the house, even pick up her own things. Her father and I separated amicably but although he is a good father he does not appreciate how tough it is for me. Dealing with her for 48hrs whilst going camping or to meals out with friends isn't the same as having to deal with the hard and boring stuff all week.

My partner is an absolute godsend. He loves me to bits and will do anything for me. But there is a huge age gap between us and dealing with someone else's stroppy teenager is hard work at the best of times. Harder for him being 70. I am so scared that she will scare him away and I don't think I would ever forgive her if that happened. We are engaged and I adore him. Our relationship is the one positive in my life right now and I can't imagine life without him.

The plan is that her dad is going to buy a house and she will live with him and I will move in with my partner and have her at weekends. But her dad's house hunting is taking forever as he is a workaholic and has little time during the week for anything else.

I know I have depression. I have no appetite and I just want the whole world minus my partner, cat and guinea pigs just to disappear.

Before anyone suggests speaking to a GP about my depression it would be about as effective as taking to my guinea pigs. All they would want to do is give me anti-depressants and more medication is the last thing I need.

Anyway there we go it's all down in black and white.

[Jacey15]

Sorry to hear you are at such a low ebb. Can you get counselling from your GPs? I have a friend who got it via his and it has helped. My sister has suffered from depression for 10 years but she has been on meds and once they found one that suited her it helped enormously. She also exercises regularly (zumba classes, walks and running) which she says makes a difference. For RA suffers something like yoga might be a bit gentler on the joints. She was agoraphobic but now goes out with friends regularly. Hope you get some relief soon,

Jacey15 xXx

[pinksugarmouse in reply to Jacey15]

Thank you but I can't see Yoga being an option for me, I can't get up and down off the floor for a start. I do go out for a walk every day if my RA will let me.

[Ali_H]

Hi,

Do you know if you have a service called 'let's talk' in your area. It's a self referral counselling service and I've used it before... I'm East Midlands based.

Speak with the NRAS help line or, as I did once, ring Mind helpline. The chap on that was lovely and gave me some local mental health support numbers to add to my 'bank' of where to get support.

I lived with the big D before the RA decided to join in so was very wary about it becoming active again after my diagnosis. Very glad I was proactive and spoke to people skilled to help me process it all.

Sorry I can't give you any advice re raising teenagers or using tramadol (I'm very luck re the pain aspect and naproxen usually kicks it back into place with the occasional cocodamol - or something like that).

All the best

Ali

[oldtimer]

Please ring NRAS, the Samaritans, or MIND, so that you can talk to someone who understands what it's like. The pit of depression has such high sides it is always difficult to see the way out, but there is a helping hand just out of sight at the rim! Reach out for that hand.

[3LittleBirds2]

Hi...I typed you a long reply then lost it!! I just wanted to say as horrible as it may be now your daughter will come out the other side...my two were exactly the same...they were just horrible from about 13/14 - 17 years old..we laugh about it now but at the time it was just horrible!! As for those unhelpful, insensitive and patronising comments on your other threads just ignore..you had many replies supporting you and as I said you certainly do not have to justify your reasons for needing a steroid jab or using tramadol...I was pleased to see that NRAS put a comment on your thread too, explaining also how a RA'er would use tramadol ALONGSIDE THEIR DMARDS!!! Like others have said if you don't want to see another doctor...why not give the NRAS HELPLINE a ring...I'm sure it would be helpful? I'm not belittling how you're feeling but you've identified you may be depressed so that's half the battle if that makes sense? You have a supportive partner and that's worth it's weight in gold too. Please don't let it put you off posting either 🙂 X 3LB (TRAMADOL, STEROID JABBER AND RITUXIMAB USER!!)

[ArcherDee]

Hi, I don't have any advice for you but just wanted you to know, I feel your pain! Life is hard enough without bloody RA! People who don't suffer chronic pain just have no idea what our lives are like!

Mine is not under control yet but I have been taking codeine and naproxen for the last few years before the official diagnosis which doesn't help much. I know the risks of tramadol but to be honest when your in that much agony it's the right here right now that matters! So I take it when I really need it!

I hope things get better. I was prescribed sertaline for feeling so low as it has also been know to be a muscle relaxant apparently! It has helped but there are still those days I just want to curl up in the corner and simply drift away from this life.

Gentle hugs x