RA and depression...

[Sal-1]

hi, I was diagnosed with RA in July 2017. I have a fairly physical job and my employer has been great, cutting my hours down, time off for appointments etc. My issue is I get very frustrated that I cannot do my job as effectively as I used to. My co workers are all aware of my condition but I still feel like I'm letting the team down. I'm constantly exhausted and it affects my social life. How do you all cope with this? It's starting to get me down and my partner ends up bearing the brunt of my moods and dare I say, depression.

[Kai--]

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Warm hello, Sal-1. 👋😌

Till someone pops by, Chris Gethard ( healthunlocked.com/nras/pos... ) experience with depression may strike a chord with you? 🤔

We’ve suffered & struggled through the deep, dark hole 🕳 at various phases. Please know that we fully understand 😔 & fully appreciate what your experiencing. 🙏 😔 Crawling out of the hole isn’t easy.

If you can ease up on yourself — alleviate the ‘guilt’(?) of thinking you’re letting co-workers (team) down, that may help ease some of the burden? Easier said than done . . . I know, I know. . . 😔

If friends & your partner are not grasping your constant exhaustion, sharing the "Spoon Theory" 🥄 ( healthunlocked.com/nras/pos... ) with them, sometimes helps them comprehend the depth of your fatigue. 😴 🤤 😑 (For folks who’ve never experienced it, it can be ‘impossible’ for them to grasp — especially if you "look okay" 👨‍💼 👩‍💼 from the outside.)

Wishing you well, Sal-1. Please know you’re surrounded by warm, loving support. 😌 🙏 🍀 🌺 🌞

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[Sal-1 in reply to Kai--]

thank you. It's good to have others in my situation who can empathise 😊

[Kai-- in reply to Sal-1]

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Hang in there, luv. Hang in there. 😌 🙏 Bit of silliness to evoke a smile & a giggle: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos.... ☺️ & maybe lift spirits 👻 👻 .

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[sylvi]

It is hard as i know as i feel i don't do enough for my hubby,xxxx

[Nettac]

Hello

I'm sure we can all empathise with how your feeling. It's pants ain't it.

I'm kind of in the same boat, though don't work much anymore. Do you think your meds are working well? I ask because I know when the meds I was taking were ineffective I felt totally wiped out. I'm on a new drug now, though not so tired, I'm still fairly limited in what I can do. But better than I was.

It's hard not to feel cross and irritated with ones self I know. I'm part of a community land project, and today we were digging in readiness for planting trees. I watched as everyone just got on with the task. I was knackered after half hour digging! I felt like such a weed. I was also worried that others would think I'm not pulling my weight.

Actually though, a few weeks ago I wouldn't even have attempted picking up a pitch fork! I think you just do what you can do. Rest as much as possible and accept for the time being, that you can only do so much. People understand your doing your best.

As for depression...that's a real stinker! I suffer very badly from it myself. I find that walking, or even just sitting outside helps. Also just chatting inanely to folks as they pass by lifts my mood a bit. Also involving myself with community stuff (choirs, Church. Gardening etc). I also really just like being by myself, walking the dog. Good sleep is important. If that's out of whack my mood dips.

I hope things improve for you soon.

[Sal-1 in reply to Nettac]

thank you for your reply. Meds don't seem to be working as effectively as my doc says they should be. I've also had steroid injections but they just made me sick. I've got an appointment soon so will discuss other options with him. It's hard for me as my partner and I have only been together two years. When I was diagnosed I gave him the option of ending the relationship if he couldn't deal with what my illness might throw up. To be fair, he's been an absolute hero so far. I'm looking for an alternative job which is less physical but as soon as I mention RA at interviews I think it puts them off.

[girli1111]

No answers for you, but I can completely relate to how you are feeling. I’ve reduced hours down to three days, but still so exhausted, and I get low as feel that my family and my colleagues deserve better. Like you, I’m not convinced my meds are right just yet, so I live in the hope that things will get better once the meds are right

[Sal-1 in reply to girli1111]

I'm working 4 days part time now. The fatigue is one of the worst things to deal with for me. I've always been quite active and sociable but can't do half of what I used to. I hope you get your meds sorted soon like I'm hoping to. Fed up of living half a life 😞

[girli1111 in reply to Sal-1]

Do you work in education by any chance?

[Sal-1 in reply to girli1111]

yes I do. Why?

[girli1111 in reply to Sal-1]

Sixth sense.... me too! Increasingly I’m finding it not so compatible with RA! I’m an Early Years Practitioner, originally diagnosed about 14 years ago when I had a sudden serious flare. Was pretty ok apart from fatigue for a long time, until the last year when everything has kicked off badly following some other health scares which saw me having three surgeries in 2 years, and putting me into surgical menopause which I think has had a big impact. Colleagues are supportive as possible, but the reality is there is no half measures once you’re in school, so any kind of pacing yourself is very hard!

[Sal-1 in reply to girli1111]

sounds like you have had a lot to contend with. I'm a preschool manager in a pack away setting. Not ideal. I'm in ratios so am supposed to work with the children which is becoming more difficult. I get home from work and just want to sleep! Do get school hols so that gives me some time to recuperate. I know there will come a time when enough is enough which is why im looking for a less active job.

[girli1111 in reply to Sal-1]

I’m in an infant School setting, 90 F2s plus nursery, but not a pack away setting. A few weeks ago I had a morning when my left hand just wasn’t working for me, and I got so panicked about it. I too have been considering other options work wise, but I honestly don’t know what else I’d do! I love my job, but it takes a lot from me!

[Sal-1 in reply to girli1111]

I feel for you, I don't want to change jobs but may have no choice.

[Juliachoo in reply to Sal-1]

Hi, your job is very hard for someone with RA but the alternative of looking for another job would probably be worse for you.. a friend in a similar boat took early retirement & that plus getting pip has helped a lot.. in her words it was better to “stick with the devil you know” rather than jump into un chartered waters. Think you need to talk to your immediate bosses, there is a system that allows you to work reduced hours & also claim pip.. that might be the way to go looking forwards... big hugs xx

[scotslass333]

Hi Sal-1,

I echo everything that Nettac has said to you, I too have depression problems and there's lot of evidence that having inflammatory arthritis DOES affect our mood as well. As I was past working age when my disease struck, I've nothing but admiration for younger people like you who have to cope with a job while being ill, as well. It's really tough. But at least it sounds as if your employers are reasonably sympathetic, and your partner too. The fatigue can be the worst part, either that or I'm a complete wimp!! The most I've managed to do was 2 hours volunteering at our local thrift shop, one Saturday morning last year. I thought I was doing well, then "hit the wall" after an hour and a half, started shaking, couldn't even talk I was so exhausted, and could barely get myself home on my mobility scooter. Then had to lie down for rest of day. It certainly showed me just how little I can actually take on, apart from looking after myself.

Hope things improve for you, take care.

[Sal-1 in reply to scotslass333]

thanks. Everyone on here is so supportive And it's just what I need at the moment 😊

[Doughnut61]

Enjoy your good days 😁 they do and can happen x in time you will know what you can and can’t do 💕 if you hurt rest x be kind to yourself xxxxx

[Nettac]

Yes good days do happen. I just cooked for 11 this evening! I'll be knackered for weeks

I have lovely neighbours who have helped me out a fair bit, so I cooked supper for them all to say thanks. I hope you have some good neighbours, family and supportive friends. Makes a big difference

[Ruth12345]

Hi. I know being in education must be really difficult. I stopped teaching at a 6th Form College when I realised I had another 7 years onto the 6 years I had to get my OAP. I thought I can do something else and did. I became a foster carer with my husband who worked full time. (Something we had talked about doing for many years) I loved it and would not change that except for 2 things. You either have children or you dont. There is no cutting hours down etc. Also because I didnt realise I should have been paying my own NI there is no sick pay. So as so very hard it is in education when this happends there is support to reduce hours of working .... hopefully anyway. Also I think guilt adds to the low / depressed feelings. It does appear to me from what I read on here that many people who have RD have been or are very busy people and having that stopped or reduced is challenging. I wish you remission and a good quality of life as soon as possible. This is a good place to feel safe and air how you feel and get support. Take care.

[Bookworm55]

No answers either I’m afraid but I really feel for you. My RA literally ‘started’ the week I retired from working in an Early Years setting two years ago. It is well controlled at the moment but then I do have the option to pace myself most of the time. In the few years before it really started I was constantly exhausted without knowing why. It certainly takes time to adjust to having a long term condition - hence the understandable low moods.

[Tattoo72]

Hi Sal-1

Yeah I can relate to your story very much so . I don’t always deal with this very welll but what motivates me is that when I do have a good day I try to put in my share and more , I don’t always succeed but I do my best . I’m lucky as you are with the people around me they are understanding and very sympathetic but evey1 has a hard time at one stage of their lives so dont get depressed feel fortunate that you have good people around you . Feel loved and cared for but not depressed. I’m sure you would do the same for them if they were in your shoes. Cheer up😎

The sun will shine again tommorrow

[phil_54]

Hi Sal-1 OMG that sounds just like how i was just like you i had a very physical job and now i am desk bound and having to rely on other people to do what i used to do so well, It is one thing coping with this herendous condition but with depression on top just becomes intolerable, You need to seek professional help and as previous repliers say you also need to lighten upon yourself you have nothing to feel guilty about as you mention your bosses are really understanding and so will your family once they fully understand to implications of your condition, I have been exactly were you are but i assure you there is a light at the end of the tunnel just try and stay strong, The one thing i found is there are many people on this forum who absolutley understand what you are going through so please keep posting

Remember it really is good to talk

I wish you all the luck in the world

[Neannie]

Hi Sal-1

I was diagnosed with RA back in 2014 after having problems for over 20 years. I was diagnosed with depression shortly afterwards which has been exacerbated by being in a very stressful job. I've been off sick with stress, anxiety and depression for 7 months now and not sure I'll be returning any time soon if at all. I hope you fare better than me, keep your chin up and ask for help when you need it.

[sharon6768]

Hi Sal-1

Don't overlook the fact that your medication could be causing some of your issues. I was on methotrexate for 9 months and got so depressed and tired I could barely function. Finally got my doctor to try something else and after two weeks off Methotrexate, the black cloud lifted and I felt like myself again.

[Sal-1 in reply to sharon6768]

I have an appt on 20th so am def going to ask my doc about alternatives. Thanks.

[MagicalMarjieXx]

Bless your heart, sending you lots of strength and blessings. For all of us that endure any horrible debilitating disease I live in the hope that one day there will be a cure for All . We are lifes Warriors and have no choice but to carry on . We adapt and overcome Your work colleagues should respect the fact that you carry on doing as much as you can . when you could of given up ! I applaud you and you should applaud yourself Xx

Much Respect

MagicalmarjieXx

[brcdeer1]

I’m sorry you are going through a difficult time. I have been there and I tried so hard to keep on going but then not only was I so tired, I would be at my desk with my hot microwave “buddy” on my back, shoulder or hip. I used the drug store cold patches too. So when I began to be “ill” as I call it but most people say irritated all the time I began making a way to quit. I enjoyed my job and even now wish I could still do it but the stress was too much. It was a management position with way too many meetings. Which meant catch up by staying late or going home and working from my laptop. Weekends too. I was fortunate in that I had been with the company for years & I could take early retirement at 55. So I realize not everyone is in the position to do that. But it has made so much difference. I still get pain or some kind of discomfort most of the time, but it is manageable. I got my mind back on being positive where I couldn’t even think before. I would see others who were suffering diseases much worse than me and I told myself to be grateful. And I am but depression still creeps in on me but not as often. It is now just a day now and then. And I do take an anti-depressant. Runs in my family so I have just come to the realization that I will likely have to always take something. When I was working I did go for a massage but only once a month. I kept going to church, doing things with friends & family and at work if it was a really bad day I made a point of taking the hour lunch break to refresh. Yes, most days I had been eating at my desk to get work done. I made a good salary but I eventually decided it just wasn’t worth it. Everyone has to do what they can for themselves. My advice is to make some alone time but to make sure to stay social too if at all possible. It’s good for the soul. I would look for anything to take my mind off of myself but truly in the evening all I would do was fall out after dinner. If you notice older people that are in good health they keep going, going, going. If they sat down at home they might just give up. If you don’t have a hobby then pick up something even if it is something small. I started doing vintage crafts. Not for selling but for the house or a family member/friend. Takes your mind off of your situation at least for awhile. Last, I will tell you music helps me tremendously. My husband likes all kinds of music but when he plays country or sad songs I just can’t listen. I love some pop, some rock, Christian, etc. but it’s all “ feel good” music. I love to read but even better I love books on DVD or iPad. I wish you the best and check back in so we know how you are. Lynn

[Rembrandt2nd]

I am self employed as an artist / private educator. This disease hit me hard after a trauma, the worst episodes began around the Spring of 2016. I am under the care of a Professor at USC. He's the one that discovered that my numbers for R.A. were "off the charts." I went for years with other doctors misdiagnosing, mistreating all my symptoms. I thought I was going nuts... people wouldn't believe what I would tell them. Yes, I battle depression, even through the treatments. I'm in pain, to some level, everyday. Most days, I have trouble just walking, getting up from a chair, holding a cup of coffee, etc. I'm losing my ability to teach as often as I have been. "Doc" wants me on permanent disability and at some point I may have to agree with him. In the meanwhile, it's important to know that we are alive and these are things we just have to get through. I am always looking for a better drug or treatment. I search natural ways to battle with it. I continue to work on the ONE and ONLY thing I can control, my relationship with God to get me to the other side of through. Because of this website and others, I can see I'm not alone, which I have felt alone for years. Hang in there, be diligent and remain focused and we'll encourage each other along the way.