Feeling blue

I've been working hard to stay more positive of late, but I'm having a bit of a rough day. I'm pretty flared up, though the Cymbalta I take for depression seems to be getting between me and a great deal of the pain, which is nifty. Sometimes, though, this just feels like too much. Not just the RD, it's having one more damn thing to deal with. I'm weary of it. It's the day after mtx for me, so I usually expect to feel like crap, but I'm struggling emotionally today. I still believe that I can find purpose in the events of my life - that's largely how I've coped with everything else. It's just that I've been fighting one illness or another for pretty much my whole life. I think I give myself permission to not be okay today. I'm going to take some pain relief, then cuddle up on the couch with hubby and watch tv. I know I'll feel better tomorrow, and after that I have another busy week ahead. Today, I will wrap myself up in comfort and just get through.


22 Replies

  • you do that, Bats. you deserve it. too wiped out to write more but I'm sending all good things across the pond. xxxx

  • Hi Jora,

    Hope you are feeling better very soon.

    Take care,

    Sue xx

  • Thanks. Just managed a shower, but panicked as I couldn't open the door to get out. Wrists, shoulders and knees all too painful to push. But I eventually turned around and 'twerked' the door open. Not a pretty sight, I'm sure, but there was no-one to see! x

  • I know how you feel especially when it is my hands that flare up and I struggle to open doors, etc. Glad you managed to twerk the door open.

    Take care, Sue xx

  • Sometimes you just need some time out. No need to beat yourself up, just accept that today is crap. You will have the strength to deal with tomorrow.

    Remember to look after yourself. Thinking of you. Mavis xx

  • Hi Bats,

    Sorry you are not feeling too well at the moment. When I am ill I make myself a nice cup of tea,I put on my comfy joggers and sweat top,make a hot water bottle, and cuddle up on the sofa with a blanket with my two pugs.

    Lulu and Archie.

    Take care ,

    Jane xx

  • I hope it paid off Bats and you thoroughly went for it re self indulgence today? Sometimes one has to make space for feeling sorry for oneself - as long as it doesn't last too long which I'm quite sure it won't with you. X

  • Hi Bats, there is absolutely nothing wrong in indulging in the occasional pity party.

    Remedy: heating on comfortable, warm smelly luxurious bath and a good book, most comfy nightware, duvet anl lots of favourite treats.

    Take care, Babs x

  • Hi Bats,

    That's perfectly okay to feel like that. I think we all do at times I do! Let's hope that you will feel brighter in the morning and ready to come out fighting.

    Gentle hugs.

    Smiler xxxx

  • Hi, am in the same boat with RA and ITP. Both make me very depressed. But after taking vit d, along with my regular meds, my depression and pain seem to have vanished. I take vit d 60k once a week. Hope you too will find relief. Any one else who has tried vit d? I don't take painkillers at all as it affects my platelet count.


  • Don't feel bad for being good to yourself, it does you good to relax. You deserve time out because this is a wicked disease and take so much out of you. Enjoy your snuggle and tomorrow may be better x

  • I wish somebody could stop the rollercoaster - there are so many ups and downs with this disease. Enjoy your quiet day and don't feel guilty. Farm

  • Hi Bats,

    Sorry you are having a bad day, it is best for you to relax today and cuddle up up with hubby and watch tv to try and take your mind off the pain etc. We all have days like this but glad you are taking time out and you will hopefully, feel better soon.

    Take care, and don't feel guilty Bats, Sue xx

  • Oh Bats, I wish I could give you a big gentle hug 😑 buy a cyber one will have to do 💜💜💜

  • I understand completely! Some days you just want to say "REALLY??" The RA is bad enough, but I know with me it seems that other things have just fallen apart physically since getting the RA dx. I send you gentle hugs that you will feel better soon!

  • Lots of love xx

  • You are perfectly entitled to have a day when all you feel is doom and gloom considering this horrible disease.

    When I'm feeling like this, I have a nice, warm bath with lots of bubbles. I get back into my pyjamas for the day and self indulge with mindless daytime TV or a good book snuggled up with a duvet.

    I think we all should have self indulgent days like this.

    Big hugs to you xxx

  • It's good to take some time to just give yourself a break. Give yourself some good hugs, whether physically or emotionally, and just be.

    And if that sounds bonkers, I've been reading about the "Power of Now" and mindfulness meditation. If you can just rest in the present moment, you don't need to stress over what your body can or can't do. Or dwell on how you used to be or how you wish you were. Just be. I feel like our bodies are super amazing. They do so much to keep us functioning, even without our say so. Our heart pumps without us telling it to pump, we breathe without really realizing we're breathing. Our immune system (when it functions properly) does so much while we're sleeping. It's quite incredible. I think when we have these days, we have to realize that our bodies are crying out for us to give them a break. And you shouldn't feel guilty for taking it easy.

    I saw someone on TV talking about how retirement was hard (a challenge?) and if you weren't careful you could find yourself still in your pyjamas at 4pm. My response: What's wrong with that? You're retired! Yes, don't fall in a deep depression, but give yourself a break. Relax, sleep in, have eggs for supper, do whatever you want/need - even if (especially if!) it's nothing at all. Tomorrow you can get back to laundry, cooking from recipes, answering phone calls, etc. Today, just be. :)

  • Thanks so much, Karen. I agree with you that our bodies are truly amazing, and mindfulness is one of my pain-management tools. Being aware of my here and now, including the miraculous fact of my existence, help me turn pain into just a part of my picture, not its entirety. It was a good weekend, mostly restful with enough activity to keep me moving. I feel much more capable today, which was the the point, no? xx


  • I keep checking in Bats to see if your ok.... you still cosy on the sofa? Xx

  • I'm still in flare, but coping a little better. It's still frustrating, but at least there's sunshine and fresh coffee and I'm going to speak at a conference tomorrow (eep!) about overcoming obstacles. RD is just one more obstacle. If multiple strokes don't get to run me I'll be damned if I'll lie down and let THIS disease do it either. Thanks so much for the comfort and companionship. Sometimes what helps me most is knowing that you're all here, that we're in it together and I don't have to stand alone. xxx


  • Hi Bats,

    Just came on to read forum today. Sorry you had a bad weekend.

    I agree with Karen, funnily enough just got the dvd about Eckhart Tolle, thinking in the moment etc. Very interesting and read his books. Sometimes it's hard and we all tend to be too hard on ourselves, and THINK we have to do this or that otherwise we won't be perfect people. Just being in the moment, in the best way we can should be enough.

    Practice makes perfect..... I try to take each day and if crappy things happen, well, just let it. PJS and toast and tea always seem to work. Sod cutting vegetables, buy ready peeled and chopped... that's my mantra now, seems to be working.

    All the best.

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