I don't quite know how to explain how I'm feeling right now - one minute I'm trying to pep myself up and encourage myself to get on with the day and try to ignore the constant pain I'm experiencing and the next moment I'm in tears with frustration with having to live constantly with the pain.
I'm so exhausted from lack of sleep and feel guilty for being so restless at night and disturbing my husband's sleep (Although he never complains, he's very caring and comforting) I'm also feeling physically sick (Probably from the meds and also from the pain) so I'm not eating much at all which doesn't help with energy levels.
I just wish I could have some time off from the constant pain. I'm always trying to be positive by thinking that no matter how bad I feel or how much pain I'm in there are always folks that are far worse off than me - with them having to live through conflicts and war, poverty, terminal illness - and I feel lucky that I don't have to live with that fear and that I have a roof over my head with clean, safe drinking water and feel safe.
I don't even know why I'm writing all of this. I guess it's a way to try to deal with things - and it helps to chat about things with folks other than my family and friends because I don't want to worry and upset them.
I don't want anyone to think I'm feeling sorry for myself because I'm not - I just think it helps to share how I'm feeling in the hope that I'm not alone in feeling this way.
How do you cope with the bad days? What do you find helps the pain? I'm still unclear whether heat pads or ice packs help as they both bring some relief but that relief doesn't last long.
Any tips, advice and help would be very much appreciated and I'm sorry if I've waffled, it's hard to put how I feel into words Xxxx