Fed up

[kathgallagher]

I retired from work on ill health grounds last year due to RA. I also have Raynauds and hypothyroidism. I am looking for part time work due to finances.

I am not married and have no children although I have friends kids and godchildren that I have always been involved with. I just feel like I have achieved nothing in life and when I'm gone I will have no.legacy to leave.

Sorry to feel so down I have just upped my thyroxine to 125 mcgs and have had a glue bug since xmas. Maybe that's why I feel so low.

Thanks for listening

[Hidden]

I do have a partner and sons. But I hope I have more to contribute to the world than simply having extended the human race a tiny bit with my DNA.

For what it's worth I think every one of us contributes to the world. There are so many ways in which we can validate our existence other than by having a partner or children - just by caring about others really. Whenever possible, for instance, we can educate people about RA and other autoimmune diseases - even the smallest gestures probably help someone somwhere somehow without us probably being aware of it.

You may have helped someone by writing this post. please don't feel you haven't contributed anything and won't leave a lasting legacy. I think it's what we do in the here and now that counts. You are part of a bigger legacy as a member of the human race. These dieseases can play havoc with out self esteem I know.

I hope you will find rewarding part time work - people don't make someone their children's godparent without believing in them and the role they can play I can assure you. you obviously have friends who believe and care about you. I have hypothyroidism and RA too. I hope you feel better soon.

Take care, Twitchy x

[oldtimer]

You might to think about some voluntary work to start with? It is often a way into part-time paid employment and you would feel that you were of use and valued. Having that feeling of being of value also helps with a positive attitude when applying for jobs.

[bigcatlover]

I can't enhance anymore what twitchytoes has written.

However, you may have paid someone a compliment 15 years ago that was feeling really down and your kind words lifted their spirits. You touch people in ways you often don't realise.

I too have no children, but am lucky enough to have a wonderful husband. I also felt really down a couple of years ago that I wouldn't have a legacy. I had to accept it and find something else to fill the void. Volunteering is great way to do that. There are many children's hospices crying out for volunteers. It can be emotionally hard, but you get a lot from it.

Keep your chin up

[kathgallagher]

thanks

[Hobbits]

Hi kath,

I read your post and it kinda 'grabbed me' I have felt like this before. I was orphaned at 15, my mum died when I was an infant and my dad died when I was 15. I have one failed marriage and one beautiful 22 year old son.

I have some family but not real strong ties. I have often felt all alone in the world. ( I imagine three people only at my funeral) who would fill all the seats? Silly I know.

About three years ago I decided to make changes. I actively joined support group and went from there.

Surprisingly meeting strangers in a group of people with similar issues has indeed given a feeling of inner strength. That was my first step to actively taking control of my life.

I then volunteered at a school library putting away books. I do work and I made a career change into the heathcare field. Today my work gives me a sense of accomplishment and value. When you don't have family cheering you on and always there to support you, I think work acts as a substitute. I know how devastated I will be when I can no longer work.

I now have a new partner of almost two years and he does support me, but I have been alone so long my value is very tied to my work, I would feel useless without it.

The best advise I can offer is that you search for a support group or a hobby group. They have book clubs at the local public library, you can call and ask, they have knitting clubs, quilt clubs. A group where you are actively talking to others. This can give you a sense of purpose again.

I can tell you as a person you are valuable, everyone contributes to this life, some in small ways and some in more visually noticeable ways, like really rich people who have millions to donate. Their contributions are no more meaningful than anyone else's. You do what you can, with what you have. Not everyone has kids, or is married. This does not sum up your worth.

I know how bad things get when your feeling alone and this disease just won't stop. Its hard to bare the weight of employment loss.

Try to find something to fill the loss of your job. Many can not work due to this disease. Losing work is like loosing a relationship. It's something you go to most of your time, you have relationships with coworkers and clients. It gives you purpose and really a path to follow. Without you can feel lost.

I like Twitchys suggestion of volunteer work. Even if you just do once a week for a few hours. You may like animals at a local shelter or even public library, also many disabled persons need a 'social volunteer, someone to meet once a week for coffee. If volunteer is too physical, then maybe a book club or something non physical.

Your not alone Kath, even though you are feeling it right now. I'm sending virtual coffee and a warm hug.

*correction. I made changes and career change 10 years ago, not three. Ungh I can not go back and correct on my cell.

[Georgia3]

Hi. I am married and I do have grown up children and one grandson. I'm currently working three days a week as a nanny. I look after twins. They are almost a year now. I've cared for them since they were three months

I'm now 61 and finding it very hard. I need an operation on my foot. The fatigue is horrendous as is my pain by the end of the week. I too am worried as to what I can do when I have to stop. I know it won't be long now. I can hardly manage the stairs now

All the above suggestions are wonderful. Although I couldn't do anything physical there are other choices. Everyone makes a difference. Please don't feel you have not been noticed. Good luck with finding employment. Best wishez