Frightful fags

[merriden]

I've been a smoker for more than 40 years and finally decided my health comes first, it's become too expensive, I detest being reliant on a little stick and it's smelly, my house is coated in yellow. Enough. 7 Feb I decided was the day. My granddaughter brought mme the gift of Covid19 on 7 May, and Champix just made me feel worse. However, now I've started massive nicotine cravi gs again. I have three weeks of Champix leftover. Should I finish them? Going just a bit nuts here.

[Antifoul2020]

Yes I would definitely finish them it will really help

[merriden in reply to Antifoul2020]

Thanks for the reply! Yes I've decided that one a day would be a good thing and help a great deal more than sitting in my drawer. I suppose I'll just have to get used to the occasional desire for a ciggy. But as much as I want that fag, I cannot, must not go back there. Good luck to all of us, 😅😅

[Sparkle11 2 Years Smoke Free in reply to merriden]

I remember Roisin (admin on here) saying Smoking is no longer an option. So true. So many lovely things to do without smoking. Good luck. Stick with the Champix and if necessary go for 6 months. My stepmom did and she was a heavy smoker. She’s now 8 years smoke free X

[Sparkle11 2 Years Smoke Free]

Yes. Please finish the complete course of Champix. It really made a difference for me. X

[merriden in reply to Sparkle11]

Gosh yes, thanks. I need the help and can live through the nausea, dizziness and dreams. Makes life interesting! But this is difficult, which gives one a new perspective on alcohol and other drug addiction. Easy to judge when you've never had to go through it. I imagine it's more difficult and my heart goes out to them.

[Petesake9 in reply to merriden]

Thank you for these words. And how right you are Merriden. Addiction is addiction and it’s a real son of a ……gun. I’m days in now, not smoking. No longer an option as many conclude, staring the possibility of early death in the face. That’s me today. Prepping for my CT scan. No longer convinced the blood was not from my lungs. Pretty sure I’ve got aspergillosis as I’m coughing up brown specks in phlegm. Vaccinating between terror and acceptance. My world has changed.

[merriden in reply to Petesake9]

Stupid, I sent the message to myself! Please let us know what the CT scan discovers.

[merriden in reply to Sparkle11]

And we'll done to you too! Do you still want a cigarette from time to time?

[Sparkle11 2 Years Smoke Free in reply to merriden]

During the start of Champix I smoked... obvs.... you can till day 14. Who would seriously quit on day 10? Lol. After that I was soooo sick with the nausea and then the dreams I didn’t really want to smoke so much so the morning cig with coffee went out the window. However in the evenings (I lived in Italy so think ‘aperitivo’ wine and cig) I used to smoke a straw. Felt a bit silly but it took the hand to mouth craving away. I also read Allan Carr stop smoking without putting on weight book at the same time. After finishing 12 weeks Champix and the book, I can safely say I’ve never touched a cigarette since. This July will be 5 years. Best thing I’ve ever done ✅ 🍾 (apart from rescuing my two rescue dogs but that’s another story. Lol )

[merriden in reply to Sparkle11]

Marvellous story. I envy your life in Italy. I understand the hand-to-mouth craving oh-so-well! I work from home (Covid-19 necessity) but I can go for walks, visit neighbours, etc. But after work I've taken to crocheting amigurumi, which is helping a great deal. My Twisp is taunting me. It's an old one, so I can't even give it away! Breaks my heart to toss it out. But after this, I absolutely won't swap one bad habit for another.

[Sparkle11 2 Years Smoke Free in reply to merriden]

What’s a twisp? Walking and seeing friends (especially non smokers) in the beginning was very therapeutic. I also hit the gym more than usual as a distraction (not regular gym but classes. Strong nation, Zumba) Hand to mouth craving was a tough one so straw, puff, drink Prosecco 🥂😜You’ll be so bloody proud to be a non smoker. It’s amazing. People told me that my hair and skin would be so much better. That wasn’t true for me at all. Nothing changed. Must importantly however is that my breathing is soooo much better. X

[merriden in reply to Sparkle11]

At one with you there! I've no cough left at all, except when I'm dehydrated. My smell is remarkably better, so too unfortunately is my taste. I must say my skin and general look has improved and my eyes are white again. 😂 A Twisp is an e-cigarette. One uses a liquid with or without nicotine. Also trying to become accustomed to the smokers and vapers around me. Challenging but doable.

[Antifoul2020]

Fifty four years ago I started smoking woodbine plain cigarettesI stopped last new year didn’t think I could

I think that you really really have to want to stop

I’m rooting for you and so is everyone else👍

[merriden in reply to Antifoul2020]

Wow! A longterm smoker indeed. Congratulations for a major decision. Yes, it needs to make sense and really resonate. I've tried to give up for other people, without success. This time even though it's only 3.5 months I'm not prepared to throw those months away.

Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I know where to go when my spirits are low. 😅❤️

[Antifoul2020 in reply to merriden]

Someone mentioned a book by Allan Carr Have heard that it is jolly good read

Three and a half months nicotine has left your body and brain now

I think that you are to clever to let it back in 👍

[merriden in reply to Antifoul2020]

From your lips to God's ears! Yes, there's an audio book also, so I'm considering it, because one never knows when the weak moment will come. That must be avoided. 😆

[kycmary]

Yes take them they will help you get thru this time. You will definitely have periods of cravings BUT they will become less frequent & less strong. I quit over 21 years ago. When the cravings hit start thinking of something else, take a walk do something to get your mind & hands busy. I will be praying for you.

[merriden in reply to kycmary]

Thanks muchly for this support! I'm hoping that they bouts become fewer, fast. I tell myself that the desire lasts for 3 minutes and reach for the gum. Helps, but this time giving up is for me, so I'm steadfast. Started cooking again, moving around doing all sorts of things. So again, my gratitude for your prayers.

[kycmary]

Something else I did was to in my mind I would think of a project something I really liked to do and outline it as if I was telling some else how to do it from start to end.

[merriden in reply to kycmary]

Indeed! 😆 I've been clearing my place slowly and surely of the detritus I've been holding on to for years. And doing this kind of thing.

Crochet

[kycmary]

Those are cute.

[merriden in reply to kycmary]

They keep mind and fingers busy!

[kycmary]

That's the goal.

[merriden]

Please let us know what the CT scan says?

[Petesake9 in reply to merriden]

Thank you Merriden. Today I have a phone appointment with the CT people at 4:00. Hard not to be nervous about even the call.😬 Did you send me an earlier message today? I began to read it and was called away. Upon my return, I couldn’t find the massage! Please resend if possible as I got to the bit about aspergillosis which appeared to be delving into some much needed comforting words. 🙏🏾🙂⭐️

[merriden in reply to Petesake9]

I did indeed, but it was merely telling you to be strong and not to leap to conclusions. Besides, there's treatment and sometimes it even just disappears.

[Petesake9 in reply to merriden]

Ok. Thank you for the information. I’ve read up a bit on it. I’m au natural, so the thought of hardcore antiviral treatment scares the pants off me. Anyhow, I’ll keep you informed. Currently unable to speak with anyone I know about any of my health concerns. Can’t tell you how much I appreciate this lifeline. 🙏🏾

[merriden in reply to Petesake9]

The fact that you are here in this group speaks volumes about your courage and mental strength. Hold onto that. And let the experts decide what's wrong, okay? Too much information can be baaaaad! Especially if the symptoms fit. 😉

[Petesake9 in reply to merriden]

🙏🏾❤️🙏🏾

[merriden in reply to Petesake9]

So how are you doing and wha the prognosis?

[Petesake9 in reply to merriden]

Hi Meriden. I’ve seen the doctor about the CT scan and I’m relieved to say I have neither the fungus or COPD which were my main concerns. No cancer either. Got the all clear. Apparently I have narrow air tubes like my mother did. The doctor said the blood was burst blood vessels from coughing. I think from coughing off my salbutamol inhaler from one day to the next wreaked havoc on my breathing. I’m using it occasionally right now as my breathing has improved tremendously. I appreciate life way more now as it was such a terrifying experience. I was lucky it was marijuana and not cigarettes I had become addicted to as they don’t appear to screw your lungs up like the tobacco leaf does. However, anything is bad to smoke and we have to take care of ourselves. Time is precious.

[merriden in reply to Petesake9]

Delighted to hear that. All the more reason to stay fat-free! Keep going,I guess. Having moments myself.

[merriden in reply to merriden]

Should have been fagfree. Predictive text.

[Petesake9 in reply to merriden]

Thank you for your kind words Merriden. I think I was lucky in that I never really got hooked to the cigarettes and didn’t add tobacco in it’s the marijuana. Just smoked it in a pipe and only smoked ciggies when I drank alcohol up until about 30 years old. My CT scan was a good indicator that weed affects the lungs in a very different way to the tobacco leaf. Despite being a regular user of marijuana for 30 years, my lungs were not damaged. I was astounded. However, the whole scary sage has made me realise how much better my life is”clean”. Smoking was the big elephant in the middle of the room for me. The huge hypocrisy for one that, essentially, leads a chemical feee life. Meaning, all natural cleaning products from dishes to laundry to all household cleaners, all organic food and a mainly plant based diet. Working out 1-2 hours daily. Smoking was dragging me down; I hardly read a book and lived, generally, in a fog. The years are blurred. I’ve just read Jane Eyre moving on to Pride and Prejudice. Starting a new life with a fresh new start. I imagine leaving the marijuana reduces chances for dementia. I’ll still eat pot brownies and I drink alcohol on special occasions. Strikes me that’s the best way forward to a happy future!💗

[Petesake9 in reply to Petesake9]

I’ve got no oven right now which is ok. At the beach I’ll be cooking up a batch of brownies though as that is the place where lots of chilling will be happening and the holiday justifies a degree of debauchery. I generally have a glass of wine at happy hour when I’m with friends so it’s party mode. Just trying to commit my mind to the concept of smoking anything being the line never to be crossed. As last Monday cometh an entire week proves. Even such small amounts as I indulged in last week really bother me. I just do not want to be that loser!

[Petesake9]

How are you doing Merriden?

[merriden in reply to Petesake9]

Hi there. Having a bad time with it right now. It's been 5 months since my last ciggie, but I had a dream last night where I found a packet of 30 Perrilly's and I had no shame or ability to turn away and started to smoke them! I felt so bad about all this time that I've spent trying not to smoke! Fortunately it was a bad dream. But I'm thinking seriously about Champix again and am headed to the chemist for a pack. Just in case. I really do not want to smoke again, no matter how much I miss it. Just the thought of the smell, my smell, my house's smell, my curtains post cigarette, breathing difficulty, constant cough. Yup, not doing that again.

How are you coping? Any easier and have you been baking?

[Petesake9 in reply to merriden]

It’s incredible how our mind can trick us in the face of all that we know is right and …..life saving! I spent last week celebrating by smoking joint butts off the ground from outside my house. First it was just going to be THE ONE. Which turned into a week. Such is me and smoking. Plus my neighbour to the right throws tobacco in his joints so makes it REALLY hard to pull back. Hence, I totally get the power of nicotine despite not being a smoker of that substance. Anyhow, yesterday was day one. Today is day two not smoking. Getting into the swing of being greatful for not having any lung disease and trying to be true to that reality with lots of excercize and not smoking. Reading Pride and Prejudice to get me into something consuming. Preparing for a summer in Mexico with the kids.

[merriden in reply to Petesake9]

Enjoy your Mexican getaway! We're in a third wave here in good old South Africa and can travel nowhere.

[Petesake9 in reply to merriden]

Thank you! I leave with my two teenagers a week from Sunday. If they let us on the flight! All so up in the air with the ongoing Covid. My sister and her family live in Cape Town so yes, a challenge there, ongoing.....

[merriden in reply to Petesake9]

Hi Petesake, I'm going to be hopeful and assume that you managed a flight? I imagine you lollygagging on a beach somewhere in Mexico, margarita in one hand and the other rubbing tanning lotion on your person! My envy is complete as we go into another frightful, extended lockdown. In winter, energy depleted and a volatile Zuma political situation vying for attention. But, on the plus side, no devouring desire for a fag yet. I'm hoping that you're coping also.

[Petesake9 in reply to merriden]

Just arrived in Mexico City last night!😅 shopping here today. Then to our home in Taxco tonight. I’ll be baking brownies for a Friday dinner party.😁 Joking aside, putting my focus on not smoking and daily yoga workout. So much is habit. Slowly breaking them….I’ll be working here so quite busy and added advantage is none of my friends smoke. It helps a lot. My teenagers also are anti-drugs and alcohol so my support network is large. It all comes down to us and our willpower at the end of the day. We leave for the beach on the 25th🏄‍♂️🏄 How are you doing? Resisting? Australia is being hit hard with the virus right now as I understand it……..

[merriden in reply to Petesake9]

Yes, still resisting, thank goodness. My granddaughter's really off the fags also. But she's smoking an e-cigarette. In any event, she no longer getting the toxins that come with cigarettes and my life is easier. Hooray, an upside. Enjoy your holiday and keep in touch.

[Petesake9]

As for dreams, some days before my CT scan, I too had a dream doozy. With a buddy desperately searching for the bag of weed. Shows the power of the mind. These dreams generally hit me when the true hardcore addiction is leaving my body. I experienced it when I was pregnant. Got the positive result on the stick. Went with friends to the park. And much to their amazement, I smoked a big fat joint with them(no tobacco!) telling them how it was my last until I finished breastfeeding. Which it was!! About theee weeks into the pregnancy I dreamed there was a bag of weed, dangling in the middle of the room from the ceiling. I finally yanked that fucker down and smoked. Woke up in a sweat, panicking. Then super relieved it had only been a dream.😅

[merriden in reply to Petesake9]

So Petesake, I'm coming to the end of my Champix and am happy to report that I forgot to take one last Saturday, with no bad result. I'm also happy to report that my granddaughter has moved in with me for a brief stay and she smokes. Still no desire to rush out and buy a packet of smokes. Not after all this. And not after the smell she leaves behind. She has migrated to a vape-type smoke thing and trying to give up.

[Petesake9 in reply to merriden]

You are doing great Merriden. I get that feeling of not wanting to give up the momentum we create through so much determination. My ex likens the desire we sometimes feel to rescind, as that of another, alternate personality, which lives within us. To which we have to recognize is not us. And who we must deny as we would any negative relationship. Until gradually, we forget about it and our attention turns increasingly elsewhere. I love that as a metaphor for our challenge. Keep up the great work. You’ve got this! And yes, it was but a dream😅

[Petesake9 in reply to merriden]

I’m still equally battling desire for the ominous smoking. It is a process. My reward being easier breathing as the days pass. Can’t describe the feeling of relief to be inhaling a bit deeper. Yoga and biking getting a bit easier as I progress. Definitely an uphill climb but just so want to nail this thing. We are too strong to be controlled by a plant!!!😆

[merriden in reply to Petesake9]

Inevitably, whether mano-a-mano or on-line, like will unto like! I feel a kinship with you. We seem to think alike in many ways and we use the same language. Strange ...

[Petesake9 in reply to merriden]

Do you speak Spanish Merriden? Just thought maybe with the Mano a Mano…….how are you doing now the Champix has run out? Stay strong. You’ve got this!💪🏾

[merriden in reply to Petesake9]

Yes, first Portuguese, then Spanish. So far so good. But I'm ever so determined. The desire lasts for 3 minutes. I can get past that. Besides it's not so often now and I pop a gum or summat instead. 😆 Are you still coping?

[Petesake9 in reply to merriden]

Three minutes whizzes by in nothing flat! Good for you to analyse things in such a way that serve you. It’s all about doing things with awareness. Not being blindly led…. by a plant. We’ve got this!🙌🏼🦋