Will have to start again 🙈😤

[Vampire14]

Today I flipped my lid and decided to have 4 roll-ups. I couldn't stand the weight gain or bloated stomach with horrendous smelly gas any longer. So I cut the champix down to 1 at night for a few weeks. Then still furious with the weight gain I decided to completely stop the champix 6 days ago. And 2day after much stress and anger I decided enough was enough. And I actually don't care. Seems ridiculous that ive spent almost 7 weeks smoke free and I actually don't care that I wasn't smoking or how well I'd done. I was more focused on the horrific weight again. I hate myself more for the weight gain than the fact I've failed my quit. Most ppl won't understand and think no big deal about a stone weight gain. But I already needed to loose 2 b4 I started this hell of a rollacoaster. Doesn't help that last June I finally got a hold of my bulimia. Which is basically binge eating and throwing up. So being in control of my weight is the only thing I was in control of. So me putting loads of weight on even after an hour every day on the treadmill is disheartened to say the least. I wish everyone on here the very best. But I think I need to loose an extra st b4 I start this again. Cuz at the moment I absolutely hate myself. But I will be bk and start again. Xx