Living with a smoker

[KathieO]

Well I’m not sure how to start. I on my 11 month of nic free. Not even a puff! I struggle a lot but I’m making it. So my boyfriend quit and started again. He supports me 100% but the fighting is beginning because I’m tired of kissing him and tasting the cigarettes. How do you not get angry and act like it’s ok to kiss someone and taste it everyday? It makes it harder than this needs to be but I don’t want to fight sand neither does he. Just really need to vent but any suggestions?

[Sarah_star 6 Months Smoke Free]

Hi. This is a difficult one... they say ex smokers are "the worst" for having a go at smokers but i do kind of understand why.... it stinks really strong and with not smoking ourselfs we realise how bad it is. I think id become quite angry myself if my partner took up smoking again.... especially after id worked so hard to quit. does he not want to try an quit again? 😔

[KathieO 100 Days Smoke Free in reply to Sarah_star]

He says yes but I don’t think this is the right time for him. He can’t get away from it except home. And I sympathize with him too. I try anyway 😕

[bjay22 4 Years Smoke Free]

I know your struggle. My husband tried to quit with me, but eventually went back. He won’t do it in front of me, but goes outside because he’s afraid it will make me go back. I don’t like it but only because we are in our 50s and let’s face it...you keep smoking, you will get sick eventually. I’m scared for him. My only consolation is that him not smoking in front of me means he doesn’t smoke that much. I’m hoping he will get strong enough to stop. I can’t make him. He has to want it.

[RoisinO1 Administrator 3 Years Smoke Free]

Hey KathieO - my husband stopped a year and a half before I did. I really don't know how he put up with me as was smoking very heavy and when winter came or rain would smoke in our kitchen, the smoke obviously went everywhere in the house. He never once complained except for coughing if the smoke was getting to him and a subtle hint to go outside. I felt so guilty and wished so much I could stop, the light finally came on 3 years ago for me next week. I did brush my teeth, wash my hands, spray myself alot when around him. I feel for you because now I know how dreadful the smoke smells (and imagine how it tastes disgusting too).

Maybe set some ground rules about designated area to smoke, brushing teeth and washing hands etc.. after he smokes when around you....

[KathieO 100 Days Smoke Free in reply to RoisinO1]

Thank you all for your advice. And best of all thanks for a listening ear. I think maybe it’s time to set some rules down at least for a temporary fix. ( Sept 11 is 11 months ... whoohoo)

[Sarah_star 6 Months Smoke Free in reply to KathieO]

He knows smoking is bad for him.... he probably doesnt want to smoke but hes addicted. I know it sounds mean but maybe make it really difficult for him with the rule setting etc. Talk about how nice it is for you to breath and have lovely white teeth and smell of purfume not a smelly ashtray. Tell him what youve brought with the money youve saved and how you hate it when hes gone half the evening because hes outside instead of with you... tell him its an inconvenience. If you repeat this subtle over time he might start feeling guilty smoking around you an want to stop. I know it sounds mean but it is kinda the truth 😏😏🙄 lol

[KathieO 100 Days Smoke Free in reply to Sarah_star]

Lol. Yes the truth hurts 😟

[RoisinO1 Administrator 3 Years Smoke Free in reply to KathieO]

How is things now KathieO ?

[KathieO 100 Days Smoke Free in reply to RoisinO1]

They are going ok I guess. I haven’t said too much this weekend about it