Good and bad days

Please don't beat me up for this post. This is the only place where I can be open and honest. Most people don't even know that I smoked and those that do know, smoke themselves and would just say "well why don't you have one then..."

We had a lovely day with family yesterday. All smokers. Except me.

I felt VERY left out. I know it sounds so stupid that I should allow a cigarette habit to change the way I enjoy a family day. But I'm being honest here ok? It just wasn't the same.

Because we're the only ones in the family that smoke we all spend a lot of time together. We have fun and we all love each other. I felt that something had changed yesterday. Like I wasnt a member of the club anymore.

Amazing what a difference a cigarette makes! Am I only going to be alright when I'm home alone with no outside influence? Or will I forever yearn to join in and light up every time I'm out and see someone else smoking?

Having said that I can't not report on all the positive effects my quitting has had.

I have increased energy already! And I feel well when I wake up in the morning. Normally after a day like yesterday I would wake up with a croaky sore throat feeling lethargic and not great.

But today I woke up quite chirpy.

So that's what I need to concentrate on now. Improvement to my health.

Sorry for the long rant and thanks for listening.

16 Replies

  • Becky I understand how you are feeling and what you are saying perfectly because I'm sometimes exactly the same. I was going to say that I 'used to feel like that' but sometimes those oh so familiar feelings that you describe so perfectly still come over me. What I will say is that they are happening less and less now and as your quit progresses I think the same will happen for you.

    I think everyone now knows that smoking is a fools' habit though so we need to really wise up and make the break. I think about all the non smokers (I mean the people who've never smoked). They sail through life without cigarettes to keep them company, they enjoy life to the full and they don't risk their health or waste their money in the process. Why can't I be like them because that's what I want more than anything.

    We've taught ourselves to smoke and become brainwashed into thinking life will never be the same if we don't have our cigarettes. We go into a sort of panic mode if we haven't got them to fall back on and we don't feel fulfilled or confident but that's all part and parcel of the addiction. It takes grit and determination at the start of a quit and it is hard for most of us to get used to but it does gradually get easier as time goes by. It's not an overnight thing.

    It's difficult to find distraction techniques to help us when we'd kill for just one more cigarette but we just have to ask ourselves the question "How much do we want to quit?" and remind ourselves of our reasons for quitting. In the end we'll get the upper hand if that's what we really want but it's up to us.

    At the end of the day Becky it's a test of our will. We know smoking's bad for us and all the other reasons why we want to quit. We're adult, sensible people and we are stronger than the pathetic nicotine addiction that we've allowed to dominate the very heart of our being for so many years. We must have been mad!

    Keep going Becky because quitting honestly is so worth it. I think you know that as much as me though.:rolleyes:

  • Very well said Linda and thank you!

    I relate especially to the part you wrote about going into panic mode if we can't have a cigarette. This is exactly me. I suffer from anxiety and panic disorder and for so many years I have used cigarettes as a sort of self-medication. I know and have been reminded umpteen times that as a stimulant cigarettes can't possibly calm an anxious person down, but because my mind has decided that they help with my anxiety I have relied on them heavily.

    So I'm an addict without my fix and a patient without my medication.

    But I've discovered that I'm also a very strong person, which Is encouraging.

    Yes I would kill for one more but as everyone else has mentioned on here, I know that if I have one it won't be anywhere near as enjoyable as I'm imagining it will. And yes, one will lead to many more and not one of them enjoyable because they'll be loaded with guilt and the thought that I'll have to go through this once again.

    As you say, weren't we all mad to start in the first place?

  • Hey Becky, it is normal for your first social gathering as an ex smoker to feel different and perhaps left out.

    Did all your guests leave you on your own while they went outside to smoke? Did you get any encouragement and support from your guests about your quit during the night?

  • I didn't get encouragement no, but I think they all feel guilty because I'm doing it and they know they should be too lol.

    I went out with them to smoke and I used my eCig, but I still felt like I was missing out!

  • Well done Becky on getting over last night so early in your quit, that is a huge achievement. Don't feel bad or sorry for coming on here being honest, thats what the forum is for. I know these thoughts and feelings you are having are not pleasant or good at the moment but just think how you would be feeling right now if you had of took that "one smoke" last night. You have a very big hurdle over you and the next social gathering will be easier. Every day is easier, keep strong, focused and determined......

  • Hey Becks, first the slap in the wrist and then the hug ;)

    You do need to learn how to behave socially without the cigarette otherwise you'll never stop smoking.

    Now that said, it is the most difficult need to have your mind made up and be determined to be quit otherwise you'll keep relapsing.

    I call myself a serial quitter because I've failed over and over and over in the past due to episodes like yours.

    This time what I've done differently is that everytime I couldn't control myself and did light up, I still managed to put it away and carry on.

    What's keeping me from smoking is the memory of my last attempt to quit in February, I invite you to go and search for it whenever you feel you are down and the world is over.

    I've never felt so bad in my life, my life was over. Completely, I couldn't be myself, I couldn't do any of the things I used to do, I kept it in my head everyday that I must do this instead of I want to do this.

    It's a mindset game. My experience last time is that after giving in completely, I never forgave myself for that, and I'm here again a few months later doing the same job again whereas I could be just living my life normally if I had just kept it up.

    No one here is going to be mad at you, quite the opposite, we've all been there and done that same mistake.

    Today is very important, how you deal with today is going to determine if you stay quit or not.

    Just carry on as if nothing happened, write those puffs off your mind, just carry on.

    I'm not aware of you failing yet, as far as I'm concerned you're still here for the long run, still struggling and stronger than ever, because you've just had a all new experience to add to the quit.

    Stay strong girl xxx

  • Thanks Mmaya. Today I'm fine because I'm home alone and don't feel the need like I did yesterday with everyone here. But I can't stay home alone forever!

    One day at a time.

    I'm focusing on day 21 as I've been told that's how long it takes to make or un-make a habit.

    You are already at the stage where you've experienced it all and can now help others. I hope to get there soon.

    Thanks for all your support. It really does help.

  •'s a very long road.... Very long road....


  • I've lighten up and was strong enough to trow it away straight away and carry on...thank God.

    Hasn't happened since I was back home at the beginning of October.

    Somehow it has finally clicked into my head.

    Too soon to say karri but I do not think I will ever touch a cigarette ever again.

    I don't want to. I am very proud of not smoking and I no longer feel the need to.

    I am still having difficulties dealing with some situations but I no longer reach or even think about the cigarette.

    Actually, on Friday when I was feeling really bad my partner gave me a cigarette and said just have this one, it will calm you and I just literaly started laughing.

  • Becky, by the are helping me as much or more than I am helping you...the memories of the first days will keep you away from relapsing.

    You may think I much ahead if you, but I'm as close to relapse as you, one cigarette is enough to do it whether you're one week quit or 8 weeks quit, all it takes is a bad decision

  • Thanks Karri. I know my family and friends are still that, smoking or not.

    By the way, now that you mention it, that 'club' is something my husband and I have always been attracted to. We always drift towards people who smoke. For obvious reasons!

    But how ridiculous is that? We define whether people will make good friends on whether they smoke or not!

  • I remember posting that breaks at work are very boring with the non smokers and if I'm not mistaken we've all agreed in here on that point lol

  • It is quite ironic that I started smoking at 13 years of age to be in with the cool gang / club, and made many friends throughout my life at school, college, work, on holidays, socializing etc through this club but now I look at this club in pity and feel proud that I am no longer in it, you will too Becky - soon, so hang in there. It took me a while to get free as majority of those close friends I made have been free years...

  • I think Karri speaks for all of us Becky when she says she loved smoking and life somehow seems less enjoyable without it.

    What we have to remember is that it was an unnatural and unnecessary habit that for whatever reason we chose to take up. We never thought about the consequences at the time and we learned to rely on smoking through the good and the bad times and happily accepted it as a way of life.

    Over the years things have changed and now smokers are regarded as social pariahs, and for good reason. I don't think any of us can truly justify the habit that we are all desperately trying to break but what we all have in common is that we've finally seen the light and realised that enough is enough.

    We might miss smoking for a while but we all know that we don't WANT to smoke anymore. It's no contest if we really want to be free.

  • Thanks Karri. I know my family and friends are still that, smoking or not.

    By the way, now that you mention it, that 'club' is something my husband and I have always been attracted to. We always drift towards people who smoke. For obvious reasons!

    But how ridiculous is that? We define whether people will make good friends on whether they smoke or not!


    You're in an unusual situation (compared to most people on this forum) of having gone ten years smoke free until last year - so think back to that smoke free time, and how you interacted with these friends and family then. Did you consider your non-smoking to be a problem when you were previously not smoking?

    I would guess not - more proof that your mental fight now is with your addiction! Once you've beaten that nasty demon into submission, these situations will cease to be a problem, just as they weren't a problem before.

  • The family I'm talking about live in this country.

    When I quit last time I lived in South Africa, and shortly after I quit my husband did the same.

    Of course I still had friends that smoked but somehow it didn't worry me at all.

    Yes, you're right, it seems I coped perfectly well last time so I don't know why it worries me so much this time. Must be because I was in a very different place in my life. But here I go again looking for excuses......

    We have to learn to deal with all types of situations in our new smoke free life. And I'm sure I will.

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