Day 32 - struggling

Just in to day 32 - and struggling.

I'd been thinking of quitting for a while (because of health risks/felt guilty/warning from my dentist/wasted cash/appearance) and then suddenly I got up one morning, had last cigarette in packet and managed to buy milk without also buying more cigs. Did buy sweets, though!

I'd tried to kid myself that I never smoked more than 10 - but who did I think I was fooling!

The best things, for me: not panicking if I was somewhere and wanting to get home for a cigarette (I only ever smoked in garage), not stinking of smoke (clothes/hair/breath). Boy, do I miss that first one of the morning, with a mug of coffee. Only that first one became two, three .. until finally I was having three or four before breakfast. Each time I have to get petrol or drive past garage, or buy milk from local shop, it is a struggle not to give in. However, I get huge satisfaction that my bill doesn't have an extra £9 odd added to it. I've treated myself (lovely new boots) and have to remind myself of how much I've saved. 'But you could just have one' says the little voice. Oh yeah!

I think one of my worst days was when I went out for lunch last Friday - and found that as I drove home I was having to fight the urge to buy a packet.

I've tried patches many times - did nothing for me - and the last one brought me out in a rash. Also bought elec cigarette - but that didn't help me get rid of the habit of smoking - I just substituted the odd cig for a few puffs on the elec one.

So, this time the only help I've had is from an odd nic gum (sometimes none, sometimes one a day).

When people at work go outside for a cig and I then walk past them, oh do they stink!

My garage no longer stinks of stale cigarettes and I can open the door to visitors without thinking I smell of fags (which sometimes caused me not to open the door at all).

At least I've now (I hope) got through the no sleeping stage. Still get panicky shortness of breath cravings, but they are getting fewer.

Seeing the hygienist tomorrow. Last saw her and dentist four months ago - which is when they gave me the news that smoking had caused the start of gum disease. Don't want to lose my teeth.

9 Replies

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  • This is a great post Chickweed. I'm coming up to the end of Day 10 and going through much of what you describe. I understand the pre-warnings; I've had them all and more. I think my dental hygienist has a recording made specially for me. Today is turning out to be a challenge. Not that I'll smoke, only that I want to smoke!

    I wish you well in this journey. You're doing great, and need to remember all those 32 days of success.

  • well done reaching 32 days what an achievement. Just be glad your out of the nicotine trap and rejoice in your freedom

  • Thank you all for your lovely replies to my ramblings.

  • Great post chick, it's the hardest thing I have ever done I'm still yet to crack it currently on day 22, I totally get what u mean, it's so so hard, people say just don't smoke it's not hard but the psychological battle is hell..... I'm doing two weeks of 7mg patches, I'm thinking after that cold turkey will be like starting a quit all over again :/ I admire just having one bit of gum some days none at all! You are doing amazingly well, I hope the next few days get better for you xx

  • You should be proud to get to day 22! We'll all 'get there' - and in fact I think we should all be proud to have gone for more than a day without the evil stuff!

    The £50 the hygienist will charge me tomorrow is more than well covered by what I've saved - I call that a result!

  • Gosh, your post hits home. Doesn't the money mount up quickly? Good luck at the dentist tomorrow x

  • Great post Chickweed, so many reasons to kick the horrible habit, incredible how the mind plays tricks with you when its so obviously the right thing to do.

    Best wishes and keep it up

  • Well done Chickweed, it's hard isn't it, I will be 1 month tomorrow, some days still all I think about is smoking, I'm like you only smoked in my garden, never in public, I've had to change my routine as I only work mornings, it was the afternoon boredom on my own that was worse, now go out for a walk every afternoon, some days it's easy others not do. But I've not come this far to have to start at day 1 again, and everyone on here is so supportive, feel like I would be letting them down if I gave in x

  • It is a battle Chickweed, some easy days some hard days but you can do do it your tougher than you think you own your quit its yours celebrate it...:cool:

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