Feeling good, slept well for the past 2 nights and anxiety is almost gone. I know it will probably return next month but I will be ready and will also have the GP on board which is going to be a bonus. Spending a lot of time at the hospital at the moment which is depressing in itself so am making a plan of activities whilst I am there to make the days go smoother. I feel a little guilty saying that as its not me that has the cancer but I feel unless I bouy myself up I will be no help and will just moan all day and be snappy, which is what I do NOT want to be. I also get a guilt trip about quitting when my mum needs me most and when I am down I think its best to quit when all this is over with BUT it really would be just another excuse. Over the past 4 days I have not had very many cravings at all and the odd ones I did have were laughable so I think the 5 + weeks of quitting before I relapsed have helped in that dept. My patch is now trimmed down to 3/4 and I will probably stay on that until next month has passed so that I can fight 1 battle at a time. I have never had a problem coming down or off patches before but I can see that I have had problems with anxiety and feeling down and this is the 1st time when quitting that I can see why I went back on the fags every relapse. Every time I quit I read that people would say they felt like having ''JUST ONE'' and I was always puzzled because I never felt that, ever !! I always felt ''OH I CANT DO THIS I MAY AS WELL GO BACK TO SMOKING FULL TIME '' and off I'de go into the smokescreen and I'd drop the forum or quit clinic and close my eyes to what was happening. This time is different as I did not drop the forum, in fact I was reading peoples past quit posts over the few days I was attempting to make myself smoke in order to feel better, which I didn't. I couldn't post as laptop was dead and trying to obtain my password in order to log on with my new device proved hard but I got back in the end. The reason I relapsed was not because I wanted a fag, it was because I wanted something to lift me out of the anxious state I had got myself into. It simply didn't work as I truly do hate smoking. I am now happy again and making plans for the month ahead.
Thanks for being there all you lovely lovely people as it helps so much xx