I hate the fact that I am feeling rather drunken and emotionally sensitive so as my default is that I want to smoke, for the security of doing so.
It creates that barrier in my head which I am not sure I feel any other time (the confidence don't muck with me barrier)
Makes me feel like no matter what happens, it will the there for me, my solidarity, my will, my way, like I have control.
I know I don't, and I am battling myself because I know it will make me feel like I have won the Euro millions tonight, when I know full well I have note.
I will resist, because I have to, because I am too stubborn not to if I want to quit, which in the cold light of day I want to, just right now I am of the mind that it does not matter, the outcome is still the same.
I know you will reply to this, and support me in ways I don't realise exist, but tomorrow I will feel like a fool because I am tipsey and feeling vulnerable and usually I feel so strong and positive and have very few issues with my quit