Day zero

If you have messaged me as some have (thank you), I’m not reading messages - since I will have let you down and am in avoidant, head in the sand mode.

I AM ANGRY.

………At myself for being weak, at “The Forum” for not seeing how close I was to caving in – not that you know me, not that I told you – I accept it was an unreasonable expectation but the anger remains.

Let us be honest – I wanted to back out and re-join, to avoid the shame of being here again – failed.

Mod 3 informs me that’s a no go – unless I reinvent myself as a lie

So – I’ll front up and plonk myself back here because

As previously said

If it takes 100 times – I will make this

Mina

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  • If you have messaged me as some have (thank you), I’m not reading messages - since I will have let you down and am in avoidant, head in the sand mode.

    I AM ANGRY.

    ………At myself for being weak, at “The Forum” for not seeing how close I was to caving in – not that you know me, not that I told you – I accept it was an unreasonable expectation but the anger remains.

    Let us be honest – I wanted to back out and re-join, to avoid the shame of being here again – failed.

    Mod 3 informs me that’s a no go – unless I reinvent myself as a lie

    So – I’ll front up and plonk myself back here because

    As previously said

    If it takes 100 times – I will make this

    Mina

    Nearly everyone on the forum has previous [and therefore by definition] failed quits behind them, and I'm sure when we failed, many of us blamed others - partners acting thoughtlessly, stresses with kids / parents / work yada yada yada. We can always find some external influence to blame our failure on; I know I have in the past.

    One of the keys to a successful quit is to recognise that it's YOUR quit and it's about YOU. YOU have complete control over your quit. Who's the biggest loser if you throw it away? - YOU.

    These external influences are just life happening - they've been there in the past, they're there now, and whether you're smoking or not, you can bet they'll be there in the future.

    Own your quit, treasure your quit, don't let anything happening around you give you the excuse to throw it away.

    Karri is absolutely right to say nobody here will judge you - offer advice and encouragement yes, but none of us is in a position to judge anyone else. Be your own judge and ask yourself if you want to be back at day one again.

    Nearly all of us stumble blindly into the smoking trap and become hooked in just a few days or even hours. It can then take a lifetime trying and failing to break free. I found continually being back at day one, week after week, month after month, the most soul destroying experience. Get your mindset right and go for it, and promise yourself this will be your last day one ever!

  • Mina

    No matter how many words we write, or sympathise with you, I for one and many others feel so saddened to read this news.

    In the old days mum use to say if you fall get back up and be proud to stand tall again.

    It takes a lot of nerve to admit you have had a slight blip.

    But as so many people say many many of us has had failed quit attempts, including me.!

    I really hope you can gather your thoughts and get on track, there will be nobody that feels worse than you at the moment, but it will pass, it's only a moment in time.

    Bless you my lovely :cool:

  • Oh Mina I am sorry and believe me I understand a lot of what you said. Quitting puts us in a strange state of mind so I definitely see where you're coming from!!

    But please be certain about this, there is nobody who's going to judge you for having a blip (not going to say failing 'cos you only fail when you give up on giving up) we have all done it, it's incredibly rare for anyone to quit on their first attempt - 3 or 4 serious goes the average if I remember right, and personally I've had plenty of quits and even quitlets where it lasted a matter of hours. That doesn't matter, really it doesn't because none of us can change what we *did* - if we could there'd be nobody here ;)

    What matters is the here and now, this quit and we're here to help as much as we can.

    I'm sorry if I didn't pick up on how much you were struggling, am not exactly the brightest crayon in the pack :eek: but I've found that you have to be very clear about it 'cos people can easily read things in a totally different way to how you mean them. If you're about to fail you can always shoot me a PM if it helps :)

    Don't be angry with yourself, us, or anything except smoking.

    There's some fab posts here, Hélène's are brilliant and they should help!!

    From what Hélène picked up on, I think we're a bit similar in why we smoked (the bad girl thing, I was sooo sick of being a good girl, like not even 1 detention kind of good) and know from bitter experience that can be very hard to overcome, because it's so much more of a mental battle rather than a simple drug addiction, and you spend so long reinforcing that image it's hard to break

    *But* it is doable, and reading books like Allen Carr several times should help. Failing that, there's hypnotherapy and Cognitave Behavioural Therapy which might help your subconscious to change it's outlook?

    I'm certain you can do this, you've just got to find the right method that works for you!!

    Big (((hug))) and don't beat yourself up :) xx

  • Oh Mina so sorry. Nobody here doubts you and there is no shame in being here again. So please don't re invent yourself, you have yet to convert me to a star gazer!

    We know you want to quit.

    Nothing to add to the great posts that are already here.

    Just want to say don't beat yourself up too much, we've all been there. I have lost count of my number of attempts both serious and 'quitlets' as Gemma so aptly described them.

  • Ah Mina....so sorry to read this and that we couldn't give you what you needed...:(

    I think (I could be wrong in which case forgive me) that your quits are lasting longer every time and if so, that has to be a positive sign doesn't it? I know its a cliche when people say you learn something from every quit, but it's true nevertheless. Blimey, when you read some of the old posts from many of the long-term penthouse residents, they have heaps of failed quits behind them. The important thing is they succeeded eventually and so will you.

    Start again and we will try to be more proactive in leaping in earlier next time (if there is a next time- you might just find that this is the quit you sail through :))

    You have bags of courage and determination and with those qualities, sooner or later this thing is going to stick for you.

  • Mina, I'm sorry mate. I've not been on got a couple of days as I've been struggling with my own quit, so I didn't read any if the signs.

    When you are ready chick you will brush yourself off, stand tall and try again. And when you are ready to do that we will all be here waiting to support you. In the mean time, don't beat yourself up, spend some time thinking about what went wrong and take the positives x thinking of you xx

  • Mina so sorry Hun,Iv done exactly the same as you in the past so know the disappointmen:(

    But you brush yourself down and start again.....no one is judging you x

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