I never thought I would ever become a Drug addict. Why did I started smoking and why do I want to quit? . Here is my 3.5 years’ experience with smoking
I was very curious about smoking say since I was 18.I never could understand why people smoke despite of so many issues that arise out of it. I had asked may people who smoke to tell me what exactly happens when they smoke. You see I was guy who had never experienced a kick and no one could explain to me properly what it was. It was October 2010 when I started the cigarettes. Why?: I had just turned 22. Started meeting few girls. I wanted to Man up( Somehow I thought smoking will make a tough guy, how stupid). In my office my close friends and colleagues were smoking. I started working at an early age so most of my friends in office were much elder to me. They were kind of treating like a kid. I wanted get along with them as well. So I was on holiday and picked up smoking with my friend. I wanted to just smoke only once in a while when amongst friends and didn’t want to make it a habit(Many start the same way)……thus my introduction to the world of addiction which turned out to be a life lesson.
There I was thinking I am intelligent, always in control of my life, will never do crazy things like drugs, alcohol. You see when we are young and see grown-ups do all crazy things we say to our self that we will never do such things.
Cigarettes/addiction taught me something which I thought is never me.
But I want to change it. I have been trying to quit for about a year now and relapsed many times but each time I’ve learnt to deal with it better. I’ve been smoke free for 8 days now. Still craving kicks in every now and then but I’ve managed to bring my conscious in to deal with it.
Why do I want to quit : You see unlike many people I don’t enjoy smoking. My body just hates cigarettes. But my mind is addicted to it. Almost 60% of the time when I smoke I feel like I need to use the bathroom and the kick I get out of cigarettes is not like getting pleasure but rather taking away the pain which in the first place was caused by cigarettes. I loose my focus If I smoke. For many people they say it improves their concentration but for me it does the opposite and I kinda feel lazy and foggy after a cigarette. I am forced to smoke because of addiction and I feel like puking sometimes. I can understand drugs works differently for each one of us. My main motivation to quitting is not that I might get a cancer or other disease after a few years but rather it just feels sick right away if I have a smoke. It just makes me feel yuck. I have only smoked for 3+ years and I know how hard I am finding it to quit. I can imagine how hard it must for people to quit who’ve smoked decades. …The main trigger for my relapse is my wish to connect to the past. Though I didn’t really enjoy smoking I liked other aspects of my life from my past, like being with my girlfried(who’s not with me now) . Anyways, I’ve learnt something out of every relapse and figuring out a way out of each obstacle. One thing I can say though, Fags taught me an important lesson in life.
I’ve been smoke free for 8 days now. No introduction needed for the saga that goes in your brain during the first few days but getting better each day.no more constipation. I wish the very best of luck for all the people who are trying to breakaway from this prison. Let’s show them cigarettes who’s the daddy…..
Stuck between a cigarette and a hard place!
So this is the view from the Penthouse
moments from my smoking past i regret
A message from the old, smoker Gemma
