why I'm throwing all this crap away

I've been trying in the last months to stop smoking Pueblo roll tobacco.

I've been smoking to-roll tobacco since I'm 19. I'm 27 now. I've become so good and fast at rolling I can roll while driving on the highway while drinking a beer and speaking at the phone at the same time. I need about 5 seconds to roll a cigarette.

Last time I tried quitting (two weeks ago) I went on for 30 hours without nicotine. The moment I decided (my mind said: yeah bro, you are good now, you can smoke one, you didn't want to quit smoking anyway, you just want to become a part-time smoker / social smoker) to inhale again I almost got an orgasm. It was like watching a scene from trainspotting. It was so beautiful sitting there in my room, smoking this goddamn thing. It gave me a numbness, a rush, it was like having sex on weed.

For me smoking after not having had any nicotine for so much time is simply one of the most pleasant casual experiences one could have during a boring routine life. The problem is you never do that. You just smoke 30 cigarettes every damn day, hoping to catch the dragon. Staying away from the nicotine just to resensitivize your body just isn't worth it. The nervousness, the anger, the unused and misdirected energies. Oxygen just feels toxic. You just feel you have too much energy to spend but you don't know where to direct it. Because your brain just wants to remain on its comfortable routines. It's too easy to go buy another pack, since there is nothing else that would motivate you better.

Anyway:

-Nicotine wants Caffeine and Caffeine wants Nicotine. I end up on my inactive days on drinking pots of coffee and getting crazy on it. And obviously, since caffeine increase all cravings by 100x I end up smoking 40 cigs. I feel like they ruin my body and my brain. I feel like my life is being sped up by 3x. Like I should be 27 but I'm actually 35.

-Nicotine addiction destroys your thought focus. It gives you a reduced attention span. It gives you anxiety and destroys concentration. You really need it for your brain to function properly. Obviously add in coffee for increased effect.

-Nicotine is ruining my hair. Nobody in my family was ever bald and I started thinning. Stress from lifestyle change (had to move in a new country, had to learn a new language and get a job) added in too. Increased stress from nicotine addiction and caffeine also.

-Nicotine ruins my body. I'm a bodybuilder and I feel how it ruins my appetite and impairs my gains. You see those smokers who get this terrible stress belly even if they are super skinny.

-Hand / Limb circulation is f'd up. I'm a surgeon and I wake up in the morning with numb arms and hands. I have cold hands all the day, since now it's also almost winter.

-Cigarettes (and Coffee) make you ugly. My face since I started heavy smoking just looks too bony. I'm a muscular beast and anyway I have this nasty, mean, scary, aggressive face, since my fat metabolism is on a different homeostasis. My skin is starting to get full of micro sebaceus collections. My natural italian tanning goes away too fast after summer. I have less hair on top of my head and more stranger hair growing on useless parts of the body (shoulders etc.), since this lifestyle boosts your DHT. Eyes have red areas all the time.

-You can't breathe. You get throat pains. You get neck and lower jaw pains due to lymphnode swelling. You get a white burning tongue. You stink like **** but you can't feel that since your smelling sense is impaired.

-You are tired all the time, mostly in the mornings where you'd rather be doing nothing but getting your daily dose of caffeine / nicotine and be lazy through the day.

-You need cigarettes to function socially. I often get anxious to be with people if we are indoors. I feel like I need to have a cigarette in my hand to genuinelly enjoy people and have them enjoy me.

-You envy those young glowing people that do not smoke and are happy all the time. You mostly envy those who can smoke only when they decide they want (implying that you can decide when you want, but you simply decide to do it everytime).

-Since I'm still young enough, I sincerely don't give any less of a **** about Cancer, Stroke, Heart diseases etc. I only care about my reduced quality of life. It's like your normal balance is moved to a lower point of the curve.

-Smoking gets you stressed. It decreases stress tolerance over time. While non smoker have it increased. It impairs your learning skills.

-Quitting smoking is an adventure. You feel all the new sensations, the challenge, the new abilities that you thought you had lost, your new rejuvenation. The renewed feeling of things. You enjoy more other things that you didn't enjoy anymore since you only cared about nicotine.

-Funny thing is: While I'm writing this and get all aroused, I am chain smoking and drinking coffee, and feeling good about it.

Well, hope you can get something from reading all my stuff, see you in day 1 :cool:

1 Reply

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  • Yes interesting reading, we all have strong reasons to quit, or smoke, and it,s really as simple as that.

    Of course the reason we really love a smoke after a certain period of time is purely a addiction, and every body on this forum has been a addict and is now recovering addict,

    I do hope to see you one one day on this forum :) as your first quit day, and yes it takes focus and determination to quit, but you will surprise yourself every body on here has doubted there quit, but most are doing great.

    Loads of tips and advice, so keep reading and posting, then when you are ready to quit we will all welcome you.

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