I posted a little while ago a glowing post about how well I was doing at the 3-month mark of having quit smoking. But I'm very close to buying a pack right now. I found out that someone who was like a little sister to me died unexpectedly due to an accidental drug overdose--a problem I didn't know she had, which makes me feel even worse. I've been an emotional mess since then, and it doesn't help that I don't have that many understanding people around me to help me cope with this loss. Add in the fact that while I have felt better since I quit smoking, I certainly don't feel like myself, and I have often felt unrooted.
I don't know what to say except that I'd like to smoke a cigarette, just to comfort myself this one time. I could buy a pack, smoke one, and throw the rest away. Just to feel like myself for one minute instead of lost at sea, as I have been feeling for the past four months, to have a lifeline in order to ride out the wave of having lost someone important and meaningful in my life.