Why is it so hard? Why do i have these amazing great feelings of positivity & achievement and then all of sudden a strong sense of sadness, loss and longing?
Things dont seem exciting anymore....like i dont see the point of doing much because theres no reward at the end of it, nothing to look forward to.
Last October on my 3rd quit i talked myself out of it by day 5 and gave in.....i dont want the same to happen this time.
I'm taking kids to the park and will be back soon.
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Please remember that these feelings are totally normal. We've all experienced them and guess what? You come out of the other side feeling better for having conquered another day!
Please hang in there, you'll only feel disappointment if you cave now.
Do anything you can to stay sane and busy, apart from reaching for a smoke!!
Nasty Nic is a scheming little s***bag and wants you back in his grasp ASAP. Remember that you'll be doing this all over again when you realise the mistake made. I know you want to quit, so there has to be no going back this time. It WILL get better Promise xxx
Lady K...I know EXACTLY what you mean...it doesn't matter how much you or anyone else tells you that you're better without it, how much healthier you're going to be, how much longer you're going to live, how your heart, lungs, blood, circulation are going to love you & how brilliant you are for breaking up with Nick O'teen...when the depressive & angry emotions hit, you are at THEIR mercy. I know, I have been wrestling with this for the last 5 days & have gone between wanting to rip the face off people to crying helplessly & pathetically...I have come within a gnats whisker of giving up my quit. Unfortunately, this seems to be a rite of passage we have to go through (personally, it absolutely feckin sucks) & I have gone thru this 4 times before...you'd think that, somewhere within the deep recesses of my last active brain cells, that there would be someone saying 'Seriously? You want to go back to smoking? After the withdrawal you just went through?' It feels like no one understands, that only you are battling these demons all by yourself. Trust me, you're not. I, for one, am with you all the way...if you need me, just shout...loudly...cos I'm probably snarling at the OH or kids
Hey Lady K, hang in there, I completely understand where youre coming from with those feelings as I pretty much went through the same myself in the first few weeks. I knew it wouldn't be easy and believe me my mind (still in the grips of addiction) came up with every reason I could think of in my head to smoke again but I hung in there as tough as it was I knew I wanted to be a non-smoker and if I succumbed I'd have to do the whole withdrawal again which I didn't want to do! Not really sure how I got through those few weeks but remember changing into my pjs as soon as I got home from work so I wasn't tempted to go to the shop and buy any, also ate lots of chocolate!
The main thing is as rubbish as it is right now you can get through it and it does get easier, and the benefits fair outweigh any "pleasure" from smoking. Hang in there, you can do it!!
Why is it so hard? Why do i have these amazing great feelings of positivity & achievement and then all of sudden a strong sense of sadness, loss and longing?
Things dont seem exciting anymore....like i dont see the point of doing much because theres no reward at the end of it, nothing to look forward to.
Last October on my 3rd quit i talked myself out of it by day 5 and gave in.....i dont want the same to happen this time.
I'm taking kids to the park and will be back soon.
Hiya Ladyk
I'm sorry you're having a rough time hun, it is a proper rollercoaster early on in the beginning but you must believe us when we say it gets better!!
Your brain is adjusting to not having nicotine in it any more - and by now you've got rid of almost all of it and the withdrawals are up and down but it won't last!!
Keep smoke free, and keep strong and you will feel so much better really soon.
And if you give in now, you'll have had 4 stinky horrible days for nothing, not worth it!!
Be nice to yourself and don't be afraid of ranting, crying, going to bed or whatever - when you get to the other side of it, life is so much better!! xx
I just cant help feeling so crap. Today is the hardest my brain is fighting right and wrong and the wrong is slowly outweighing the right. I'm thinking of all the reasons to smoke, the excuses.
God i cant take this anymore it all is just too much. I feel like i want to go out and get p****d!!! So badly you dont understand. And my OH smokes he's cut down in the day, but smokes at night out the kitchen window, so of an evening he is out there. I'm on the sofa falling alseep. My lifes gona always be so crappy like this.
Like its Saturday night and i'll be asleep in about 2 hours then working week back before you know it. What a boring life. Oh man i ****** hate it!!! I'm sick of chewing gum aswell. I miss my online bingo, i miss tea & coffee, i miss 2 mins away from my kids looking out the kitchen window...........my kids are driving me nuts.....im looking for an excuse just one!!!!!!!! My lord this is bad
I hear you...& I've been the same all day, LadyK...right now, I'm literally twitching & shaking with desire for a cig. My oh & daughter are both still smoking...I think I'm just waiting for them to say, 'Jeez, can't cope with you like this...have a cigarette'! I'm not going to fold tho...even if I have to smack my stupid head against a wall!
I just cant help feeling so crap. Today is the hardest my brain is fighting right and wrong and the wrong is slowly outweighing the right. I'm thinking of all the reasons to smoke, the excuses.
God i cant take this anymore it all is just too much. I feel like i want to go out and get p****d!!! So badly you dont understand. And my OH smokes he's cut down in the day, but smokes at night out the kitchen window, so of an evening he is out there. I'm on the sofa falling alseep. My lifes gona always be so crappy like this.
Like its Saturday night and i'll be asleep in about 2 hours then working week back before you know it. What a boring life. Oh man i ****** hate it!!! I'm sick of chewing gum aswell. I miss my online bingo, i miss tea & coffee, i miss 2 mins away from my kids looking out the kitchen window...........my kids are driving me nuts.....im looking for an excuse just one!!!!!!!! My lord this is bad
Oh hun it's rough I know. It really is!!
Believe me i do understand how you feel, how you just want to get totally hammered, crying 'cos you want a smoke but not wanting to give in - I've been there!!
The important thing - and definitely not a brag, I don't do that - is that i don't feel like that now.
It does your head in at first, you wonder why the hell you bothered and why not just smoke - that's natural, we are all addicts here. But and this is the big thing: This does not last
5 and a bit months ago i was the most committed smoker you could meet, I smoked, thought i enjoyed it and had no plans to stop. I was really happy. Now i don't smoke, don't plan to start again and am even happier. Only saying that to show you it can be done - go have a look at my last thead on here, then compare it to what i was saying on my early ones here - that should prove it!!
Smoking doesn't add anything to your life, doesn't make you feel better, doesn't make you happier, doesn't calm you down, doesn't help anything at all!!
Stick with it though the bad times hun, I promise you that you won't regret it.
Ah how I recognise that!!!!!! My user name was not picked out of a hat. You are doing beautifully, hour by hour if needs be, one day to the next. Some seem to have it easier, you have it like I had it, speaking only for myself of course; we're not the only two I know!
Grit your teeth and know this...IT WILL PASS! You are only on day 5. It takes time. Your thought processes are dominated by smoking, first thing in the morning until last thing at night I imagine; mine were. But it WILL go away and you will wonder what all the fuss was about.
Ridiculous? Not for you? I thought that, but I promise you it's true. And the rewards are wonderful.
Your post is good for me because it reminds how I was and what I'll have to go through again if I smoke. And what you will have to go through again if you smoke. Why would you do all this again?? Stay where you are and fight on; you're well on the way to battering the habit into submission already.
God sake i was just crying in the toliet. I know i'm not alone, your all there and you understand but i'm alone here with my family. I feel disconnected so much, like i'm on another planet. & i keep coming on my phone to write on here, the kids must think i'm being so rude and there only little.
My mouth is literally watering for a cig and for the mind numb that cones with smoking, it will put me out my misery. The battle will have stopped i would have lost but i will accept that just to feel sane again.
Sophie i know all the bad stuff as you said, god i feel like i dont give a Damn about my lungs, brain, heart or ****** any part of me at the moment. I actually think i wouldn't mind death by smoking then this would stop.
I no i no, its stupid i need to think postive i'm trying to thats whats stopping me from caving in......oh my oh my i'm actually hurting
And so on for the rest of your life and as you're my age that's a long time - but it won't be if you start smoking - especially not unfiltered roll ups!!
Couple of years ago a girl around our age (I went to school with her) died of cancer, she was a smoker. Don't let that be you.
Stick with it for a bit, go buy some NRT gum if you're feeling that bad, supermarkets sell it - but don't give in
It's not stupid, this is what addiction does. But it can't keep it up for long, so keep fighting it, it loses its grip quickly enough, but if you feel the way you do it's horrible.
I used to think like that, little anxiety attacks and all sorts. I don't have that now. Neither will you.
You obviously want to quit which is why you've put up with it until now; you would have given up long ago if you didn't care.
You're not alone, you know that too. Keep posting, all night if you have to.
THIS WILL GO AWAY! Give it time. And well done. I imagine most people cave in before they post !!!!!
in time like this, I would 1)take a brisk walk on my own, no matter weather condition, where I am or who with (but I have no kids; anyone that could watch over them for a 15mins?), 2)take lot of chamomile and in worse of cases, when feeling that craving is being too strong and I’m really at risk of giving in, take valerian pills too. Fact is that you have two option: or give your mind a chance to refresh or put it at rest. Please don’t cry anymore, just do something. Know what? Even share your sadness with your children.. kids can be very comforting, even toddlers.. they are intuitive, sensitive and without judgment, they won’t be accusing you.. trust them and trust yourself. Lot of love and strength to you.
Thank you all for your kindness & understanding. It means a hell of a lot.
I came out of the toliet well actually my daughter came in shes 1 & i hugged her. I sorted them for bed & put a hair dye on. Now i'm having a cup of tea and a big cookie my hubby made. Will watch britains got talent and the voice and go to bed. Funnily i dont feel like i just did half an hour ago....but i know i will again tomorrow maybe?
Yes they are like anxiety attacks almost. I'm trusting you all that it gets better. And i will definitely post on here if i feel doubts because i know i cant just give give in no more. I'm nearly 30 and if i dont stop now i never will. I dont want to die from smoking i know that and i want to be a role model to my children and i DONT want them to ever ever ever smoke. I will need to be a non smoker to convey that message to them.
I am truely an addict a? Wow like a heroin addict, i am the same. They get cold turkey, the shakes, sweats sickness etc & we get these pychological effects. I am an addict and i do not want to be anymore.
I will try and try my best to get through this it is so hard but your all right iam better off a non smoker, i will be happier and healthier soon.
It's rough but hell, if it didn't get better I'd be a smoker still. Honestly I really love being a non-smoker and you will do to!! You just need to get through the rough bits!!
Unfortunately yes, we are all addicts, like any other - it's scary, a truly horrible thought as well but yep we're addicts same as any other. But we have a fab support system here and it really helps
I completely understand how you feel now, it's horrible and I've made a prat of myself in front of my friends several times when I've had a few 'cos I was begging for a ciggie but now it's so lovely to be free of all that.
You're the same age as me, we've been smoking about the same time and if i can do it you will!!
Stick with it, and post on here as often as you like xxx
Good on you Lady K. So you feel like that again tomorrow. So what? You beat it tonight, you'll do it again. And again and again until it leaves you alone. You know now that you can get through these spells, and yes, believe it, given time, it does all go away
I agree with Angry-bear, one step at a time. You've got through a rough time tonight and you will do again the next time. These craves do go away in time and every time you beat one it becomes easier and easier. Rough as it is now you will look back and know that stopping smoking is the best present you can give yourself and your kids ever! Chin up, keep posting, we are all here to support and believe me we do understand! xx
Addiction is what you, me and the others on this forum are suffering from or have done so.
Its strange how we see ( when we finally recognise that is) our addition as being less powerful then say what most of us class as 'real' addictions or drugs, alcohol etc.
Truth is cigarettes are just as addictive and in a way ( due to their social acceptance) our fix is easily gained when ever we choose.
So in essence don't feel silly about getting upset, distraught, confused, wavering.
All us addicts are feeling the same.
Its Saturday night, usually I would have smoked all day, I could really really really kill for a fag, teeth are grinding, watching a movie but thinking about a fag.
But NO NO NO I WILL NOT BE AN ADDICT TO THIS CRAP, so i will and so will you ride it out, tough it out, get over it, eat cookies, eat toast , drink water , drink coke, do a crossword DO ANYTHING BUT GIVE IN, for in few hours its sleep time and another day has been conquered.
Hope that kind of makes sense , my brains fried.
Great going Baly, good positivity. Enjoy the freedom.........and sleep well Lady K
So right baly its socially accepted makes it so hard. I didn't see myself as an 'addict' but yes iam.
I do feel strong isolde once ive conquered a feeling like that & in the mornings i pat myslef on the back, but through the craves/battles/hardships i dont feel strong & forget everything. I cant focus or remember what ive learnt (well maybe i do because i haven't had a cig) but things just seem hazy you know.
Sophie i know all the bad stuff as you said, god i feel like i dont give a Damn about my lungs, brain, heart or ****** any part of me at the moment. I actually think i wouldn't mind death by smoking then this would stop.
I no i no, its stupid i need to think postive i'm trying to thats whats stopping me from caving in......oh my oh my i'm actually hurting
Oh, hun....yep, know that well. Crying so hard you're doubled over & feel like throwing up. It's utterly incredible. You made the conscious decision to quit & so you should be feeling great....instead, you feel like you've got a one way ticket to the funny farm & ready to wear a nice white jacket that does up at the back! & I know what you mean about feeling like you're fighting this by yourself within your family. My mouth waters every time my husband & daughter nip outside for a cig & I'm 11 days into the quit, ffs. I'm trying very hard not to take my bitter feelings out on the other kids but they seem to be going thru a period of beating the c r a p out of each other....loudly...which is testing my patience to the max. Yesterday I thought I'd keep myself busy by painting the hallway & landing (don't ask...long story) & found I lost it completely over something stupid & ended up punching the wall in frustration....& crying....again! But.......that was yesterday & I noticed something. There are trigger points that come from nowhere during the day...but they're bearable...just. My worst time is between 5 & 7 in the evening so I warn everyone the storm is coming & they try to give me a wide berth. Generally, at this time, I'll go upstairs & weep for a bit til it passes &, gradually, very gradually, the dark cloud lifts. I've no advice during this time...just letting you know that, slowly, very slowly, those times will get shorter, they will get a tinier bit less intense & you can feel the slight difference. This morning, I feel more positive & I'm hoping the feeling will last longer than it did yesterday (doing a massive family Sunday dinner...don't want to be crying into the gravy) I'm also going to carry on painting the hallway (broke 2 brushes yesterday in my temper...husband's having to buy some more today) so I'm going to keep busy. I'll be popping in & out of here so, if you need me, just shout.
I hope you're feeling a bit better & more optimistic today...but don't worry if that despair comes back...it WILL pass &, if you're a stubborn mare like me, you won't cave in but you'll get on here to share & vent. We'll be here
I hope you're both feeling better this morning, big well done for hanging in there and not caving, you should be very proud of yourselves!!
It's all worth it in the end, honestly xxx
Was thinking about this thread last night and how we all seem to reach a point in our quit when it suddenly dawns on us just how addiction works. I couldn't understand how someone could be an alcoholic or drug addict before, but I was suffering from an addiction all that time!
It's quite scary when you realise the hold it has on you. Those feelings of pride and confidence can so suddenly become self doubt. And you find yourself so happy to give up the fight just for the peace and quiet inside your own head!
It makes this journey all the more worth while when you reach the stage you can be happy and you feel free of the hold that smoking has on you.
Sophie and LadyK, I can't wait until you get to where I am so you can see how your incredible determination can pay off!! xxx
Was thinking about this thread last night and how we all seem to reach a point in our quit when it suddenly dawns on us just how addiction works. I couldn't understand how someone could be an alcoholic or drug addict before, but I was suffering from an addiction all that time!
It's quite scary when you realise the hold it has on you. Those feelings of pride and confidence can so suddenly become self doubt. And you find yourself so happy to give up the fight just for the peace and quiet inside your own head!
It makes this journey all the more worth while when you reach the stage you can be happy and you feel free of the hold that smoking has on you.
Sophie and LadyK, I can't wait until you get to where I am so you can see how your incredible determination can pay off!! xxx
I discovered that just before I quit. A bit lucky in a way maybe?
Got totally fed up with smoking on a Saturday and quit on the next Tuesday morning. It really scared and upset me that I couldn't smoke less without becoming a snarly grumpy cow and it brought it home to me how much of an addict I was.
And like you I never understood alcoholics or drug addicts until then :/
That's why it's so flipping fab to be free of all that rubbish
I'm sorry I wasn't here during the crisis, but well done to Sophie and LadyK for getting through a horrendous evening.
I remember it well. I remember walking for about four miles by the c.a.n.a.l and crying my eyes out the whole way - you should have seen the looks I got from passers by! When you feel that bad, it's easy to think that this fight isn't worth it, that smoking has to be better than feeling so terrible.
But it IS worth it. This filthy addiction has the power to make you feel this dreadful? Man, your life HAS to be better if you beat it! And you can beat it - all of us can.
Please believe this: it will get better. Better, and better and better, day by day, until you reach a place where you hardly think about smoking. I know it seems impossible now. And it doesn't happen overnight. But it's like training a toddler - keep firm, keep calm, keep saying no, and eventually they won't bother to tantrum any more! Same with your brain. Take it one day at a time, stay focused and ride out the craves, and it will become reprogrammed and stop prompting you to smoke.
Be very proud of yourself for winning this battle in the war against addiction. Chin up, and keep going.
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