Dear Marlboro Man,
I know you still love me and you want me back but you must understand it's over between us. Yes, we had a long relationship and I've hooked up with a lot of your friends over the years but that's all over now.
It really is no good trying to remind me of the good times we had, trying to get me to meet you one last time, or saying we can just be friends 'cos I won't and we can't - same goes for all your friends, even if they do sound like royalty, I'm not interested.
We have had trial seperations in the past and you've always managed to win me back so I can see why you think you're in with a chance this time - but no, my mind's made up!!
It was embarrassing 'cos when I'd been with you people could smell you all over me, even when you told me they couldn't. When you called me I always had to go and meet you, even if I could only snatch 2 or 3 minutes with you and towards the end of our relationship I couldn't bear to be away from you for much more than an hour, less if i could manage it. Don't want that, I'm liking my freedom far too much!!
And to be totally honest, I hate the person you turned me into. Terrified to be away from you, willing to spend any amount of money to keep you by my side, i had to take you everywhere with me and upset people I care about when they saw us together or when I went to meet you - and you made me think they were being stupid, even told me it was funny. You made me unfit and you told me lies, what kind of a relationship is that?
Yes it was hard to leave you, at times I didn't think I could manage but I'm strong without you and none of the things you said would happen if I left you have happened.
So clear off and leave me alone. My mind's made up and it's over.
And leave my friends, on here and in RL alone, you stinky little git.