Struggling...

[nsd_user663_56124]

Hi All,

I've never actually written on one of these before, just read an awful lot for advice. However, I feel the time has now come for me to seek some personalised advice, especially from those long term quitters...or anyone who can help really!

I've currently stopped smoking since Oct 2010 through accupuncture as I wanted to get pregnant, had a little blip for 4 weeks in Feb 2011 due to work stresses (husband didn't know!), found out I was pregnant in March 2011 and haven't smoked since...so coming up to 2 years.

In that time, I've had my little boy, had a busy year off on maternity, started back at work and am pregnant again (all planned). As you can see - everything therefore is great! Just how we wanted things to be.

The biggest problem I face...is always desiring a cigarette. I still think of it in the morning, when I'm at home during the day, if I go out, when I'm in work. I thought this mental part would have been gone by now?! I really, really don't want to smoke as I have managed to achieve and cope with so much without my little 'support crutches' and bought so many things I would never have had the spare cash for before - but I still crave or think I would feel more like me if I could have a cig and coffee!

Is this normal after so long?! All other long term quit stories I've read are people saying how better they feel, never go back etc etc. Yet I feel the opposite!!

Sorry for writing such an essay...any advice will be very gratefully received.

Emma

[nsd_user663_56124]

Thank you both... I think I'm giving more weight to the fags than is necessary...! Would be good to hear from any long term quitters though who have experienced this and come through the other side...

[nsd_user663_51711]

Hi Emma

Please do not think you can have only one though, or even one packet.What you have to think of are the thousands the one can lead to. Then you have to ask yourself do you want to be a slave to it again?

I speak as one who thought after 15 years or so quit that I could just have one after dinner on holiday. That led to another 15 years hooked. I've been free of them since last July and won't try that approach again....

After all what are you missing? That smell all over yourself and your stuff? Spending loads of hard earned cash to kill yourself or make yourself ill? Having to go outside like a leper when you are out? Worrying your child?

Not much to recommend it is there? xx

[nsd_user663_20558]

Emma,

Both times I was pregnant I gave up - and carried on without the fags until my babies were weaned, so a good eighteen months both times.

But I always felt that I had stopped because I had to, not because I wanted to. So as soon as I was 'free' and I had my first night out, a cigarette was something I felt I had earned, in a way, that I 'deserved' it. It kind of represented, I thought, the old me - the pre-motherhood rebellious youthful me - and a huge part of me was unwilling to give that up. So one crafty fag on my first night of 'freedom' rapidly turned into a full blown habit again, albeit a very sneaky one.

This time, I stopped because I was just sick of smoking, sick of not being able to breathe properly, sick of sneaking around so my kids wouldn't see me and being a total lying hypocrite when they talked about how bad smoking was. I just didn't want it in my life any more. And although it was quite a long, sometimes hard journey, that feeling was what prevailed. Two years down the line I wouldn't have a cig if you paid me.

So I think what you need to do is address your feelings about smoking. WHY do you want one, what does it represent to you? What is it about your life that you feel smoking will fix, or improve, or enhance?

Looked at rationally, there isn't anything in life that is made better by breathing poisonous smoke in and out. It isn't part of our identity, it doesn't improve a bad situation or enhance a good one; we've just convinced ourselves of that. It seems to me that perhaps - like me - you had given up in practice, but not in your heart, and so you're still convinced that smoking has these magical qualities.

You've come a long way without them and it would be ... well, just such a shame to start again (and god only knows how hard to stop if you did start). So it's time to have a good hard think, I reckon, and try to understand these feelings a bit better. This is a great place to bounce those thoughts off people, so keep posting!

H

[nsd_user663_54696]

Great

What a GREAT post Helsbelles, this is why this forum is so good because of people like you...................:D:D:D

[Hidden]

Not sure if I qualify as a long-termer or not; I'm coming up on a year quit one day next week.

But...let me give you my full context.

I started smoking when I was 16 (to fit in with my friends). I quit smoking when I was 29 (for the same reason - to fit in with my friends, who had all quit).

Stayed off the weed for many years. Picked up a pack maybe ten years later (I no longer recall) when I was good and mad and upset and irritated and disgusted and throughly out of my head about something (and now I can no longer recall what it was). All I knew is I was going to smoke, dammit, and no one could tell me different. I didn't have cravings. I had a desire to rebel and to "show 'em" all.

That pack led to another 8-9 years of smoking, all of it shameful, and all of it "in secret." I snuck around smoking, hoping/thinking no one would know. Of course, they did.

So I quit again. Cold turkey, just like the first time. Successfully, too. Stayed off for years and years.

Then seven years ago, my daughter, who was 18 at the time and going through some "stuff," stomped out of my house one night and that sent me over the edge.

I drove down to the waterfront, stopping to buy a pack of cigarettes first. I told myself I was going to smoke all night and throw out the rest. Obviously, I wasn't responding to a craving. I was just tired of trying so hard to live right, do the right thing, be a good dad, blah, blah, blah only to have it turn out like this, and so I felt ENTITLED to smoke.

So I did, and I continued to smoke for another six years until last March 14, when I quit FOR THE LAST DAMN TIME. (He said, emphatically.)

OK, that's the context for my comments about your situation.

Wanting to smoke, and thinking about it constantly, after 2 years of not smoking, is NOT normal. When I quit, I stopped thinking about it a few months into the quit. It truly didn't come back up again until some kind of catastrophic event (in my opinion) took place and I started again as a form of rebelling against everything and everyone. And it's this stupid notion that I'll have to battle for the rest of my life.

As for you, I think you're going to have to figure out what is going on and what smoking represents for you. You're not hooked physically any more, but there's something about the lifestyle or the choice or the image or something that you haven't shed yet.

Maybe it's a little like mine - "No one is going to tell me what I am going to do!"

Maybe it's something else. But it's NOT nicotine or tobacco at this point.

My only advice is to seek some help from a counselor or therapist. You asked if what you're going through is normal. I think not. I think it IS normal to "occasionally" think about smoking well after a quit, but not every day like you.

Good luck, and post again. Maybe the collective can sort this out for you. Hope this helps a little.

[nsd_user663_56124]

Wow - thank you so much to all who have read and replied. I've been reading and digesting what you've written.

Gosh - it really is interesting the hold these fags can have on us. I'm really sorry some of you started smoking again after long periods off them, but it's great to hear you've now managed to get back off them again.

Helsbelles - I loved your reply. You are right - I have stopped in practice, but still feel a smoker inside. Whenever anything bothers me eg work, disgruntled with colleagues, friends and family...I automatically think of smoking. That said (and this is where I get muddled) I absolutely love not smoking. I love waking up and pottering about the house without dashing outside for 2 with coffee before waking up, I love cuddling my husband and little boy without feeling self conscious of smelling - there are so many pluses about not smoking.

Had a coffee with an ex smoker friend today and she too is wanting to smoke and she stopped about 5 yrs ago. Could be the weather, change of season....

Thanks so much again for your stories and advice...I have found them to be extremely informative and helpful during this funny stage!

Emma

[nsd_user663_54554]

You know what, what a great thread. Measured and informative posting from everyone and I've read every post in depth. I'm quitting CT and really believe 98% of my quit is psychological. Oh and behavioural too of course. As a result any information, perception or anecdote from experience that makes me go 'ah yes, that makes absolute sense to me' makes me glad I found this forum. No contribution from me on this thread other than "what you all said!". Appears totally reasonable and I liked it all. Taken it all in. Really, thank you!!