Hi anyone. New to this site but also to forums in general so forgive me if I get it wrong (which I have just proved by sending this message to myself first time I tried!). Am currently trying to quit with the Allan Carr book. I read EASYWAY and quit for 5 days and found it quite easy and felt great. However, I started again (stupidly) after a bad day and so watched the DVD and have now read Allen's second book. However, these last 2 attempts have left me feeling irrationally angry and uptight. It's so different from my first experience with EASYWAY and I by no means think it is the book or DVD but my frame of mind must be different. My partner is also being a complete a**e and I feel he is subconsciously trying to sabotage my efforts by making it all about him and how he feels. Granted I'm not very happy go lucky at the moment but he was quite negative the first time when I felt on cloud 9 - I think he expected me to be miserable so treated me as if I were. His behaviour is making it very difficult for me to stay calm and I hate feeling angry as it's not me. If anyone has any words of wisdom, it would be much appreciated. Thank you. K x

8 Replies

  • Hello K and welcome to the forum, it's blooming great in here.

    Sorry to hear your partner's attitude to your quit attempts is so unhelpful. Why do you think he feels that way? Is he a smoker himself? It's hard to understand why he would seem to be so anti the idea. Most people would be pleased with their partner making such a decision.

    I can't really help wrt the Allen Carr approach as it didn't resonate much with me personally, whereas my husband loved it and found it was all he needed. I know lots of people on here have read it and will hopefully have some words of wisdom for you.

    In other words, I don't have any helpful advice, for which I apologise, but just thought I'd say hello anyway!

    Hope you can find a way to make your next quit a successful and more contented one. Are you currently smoking or have you stopped again?

  • Hi :-) Lovely to hear from you - thanks for replying.

    Sadly I have had 2 cigarettes tonight. I will try again tomorrow.

    I don't know why he is being the way he is. He doesn't smoke (very often anyway) and I think he is trying to be overly supportive and helpful perhaps which is in turn doing the opposite.

    Out of curiosity, from your experience, is it better to wait between attempts or just try and get back on the no-smoking horse so to speak? I'm wondering if I am feeling so cross because I am putting too much pressure on myself in a short amount of time...or I could just be looking for an excuse!

    K x

  • That's such a good question, and I don't think I know the answer :rolleyes:

    I have experienced both ends of the spectrum. Sometimes, I've had a failed quit and returned to smoking for years before attempting the next quit (often this is because the failed quit has totally eroded my confidence and self esteem and led to a 'what's the point in trying?' attitude). Other times, I've tried to get back on the quit the day after the fail. The problem with this is that I usually haven't really examined the reasons for the failure and so I've gone headlong into the next quit attempt without really analysing what went wrong and therefore what needed to change.

    So, in attempting to answer your questions, I've actually gone round in circles and been really unhelpful :D

    I think the best thing would probably be to not rush straight into the new quit. Give yourself a little bit of time to get your head round it and make a plan. Set a date that's not too far away and work towards it.

    It does sound a bit as though your partner was maybe expecting you to be very irritable the first time you stopped and when you were actually quite contented, it maybe threw him a bit. Perhaps it would help if you explain to him how he can best support you. And bear in mind that might change mid-quit! He might need to be patient

    Wishing you all the best, I know you can do this. We all can, but it really isn't easy, in my experience.

  • Also meant to say, what you said makes sense to me. I got quite impatient and frustrated with myself when I had several quit attempts in a short space of time. Just felt like I didn't really know what I was doing; like it was the worst of both worlds.

  • Also like to add...I'm still in very early days of quitting so there are probably folk here who can advise you much better than I can :D

  • That's actually really helpful. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I think I may give myself a few days and try again. Perhaps 3 attempts in 3 weeks was a little too much and like you say, maybe I haven't fully understood why I smoked again...maybe blaming the other half is an easy excuse...although he has been extremely annoying :-) I agree it does feel like the worst of both worlds at the moment - excellent way to describe it! As they say, 4th time lucky! :-)

    I just noticed that you quit on 23rd. Congratulations :-)

  • Awwww, thank you very much.

    One thing I've discovered this last week is that I'm very childlike in my need for praise! I have really wanted to hear 'well done!' from my husband and others, and I never tire of hearing it, so I enjoyed your Congratulations :)

    Good plan you have there. At least that way, you may be able to just have these few days/week/however long of smoking without beating yourself up over it or feeling angry with yourself. Just accept that smoking is what you're doing for the time being, safe in the knowledge that you are going to be stopping before too long. Do hang around here for the meantime though!

  • Hi K,

    Just wanted to say 'hi'!

    Newleaf has said it all really! I originally started my quit one month ago, but stupidly blipped twice. My way round it was to start back on the quit the next day....but I know its hard, and doesn't particularly make it easier if your partner is giving you praise!

    You should really do your quit as you feel suits you best....but for the record, the fact that your here posting, believe me YOU WILL DO IT! XXX

    Good luck, and keep on this forum! Believe me, the encouragement here keep you going!! xxx

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