Being better mum...

[nsd_user663_54958]

3 weeks on and I feel like a much better mum. I have more time and patience for my 9 month old lo. When he gets a crying fit my initial thought is still that I need a fag to cope, but in reality I am much better at making him feel better now that I don't have to start organising a ciggy break when he or I are distressed. I used to use naps and jumperoo+tv for getting 'ciggytime' and my god I feel bad about that now. I also felt aweful if I had to pick him up right after smoking due to the stink and residues, resulting me not holding him as much as I do now. Feel like hitting my self just thinking about that. Argh I hate ciggies!!!

Any more mum stories out there to motivate and inspire, or just remind us what horrid things this demon can make us do?

Roosa.

[nsd_user663_51711]

Well done Roosa. Why the hell we think poisoning ourselves with loads of smokey crap is going to make us feel less stressed I have NO idea.....but somehow we do, don't we?

Enjoy this time with your little one.You are only going to have it once with this child and it's so important to treasure it as it goes over so fast, believe me.xx

[nsd_user663_55073]

I asked my two, age 8 and 10, to write down a list of why they do not want me to smoke, before I quit, so if I had a craving I would look at the list and it would motivate me.

There list included; please stop smoking as you could die early and no one could love us like you

and, you will no longer smell yucky.

every time you smoke you are putting 250 poisons in your body

along with many more reasons.

The list certainly motivates me

[nsd_user663_20978]

i have massive regrets of being a bad mum because i smoked

since quitting it made me realise i spend so much time with them now, i dont smell, i dont scare them because they thought i would die and leave them etc etc etc

it brings tears to my eyes even now as i write this even two years later that i would suggest to the children to play upstairs and more or less shoo them away so i could have a secret sneaky smoke in peace

also there are so many days out that we didnt do because i wouldnt have been able to smoke, such a saddo

i could literally kick my self up my own bottom really really hard for doing that to them

i always keep this at the forefront of my quit to make sure i never go back to smoking ever

all i can do to repair it is to spend as much quality time with them as i possibly can and build happy childhood memories for them

boo

[nsd_user663_20558]

I used to hide my smoking habit from my kids, and thought I was doing a good thing because they didn't see me smoking. But it meant lots of stressful sneaking around and looking for opportunities to dash out in the garden for a cig.

I used to blame my kids (at least internally) for being 'annoying' and 'demanding' and like boo, I'd park them in front of the telly or something so I could go and and smoke to relieve the feelings of stress...

... but they weren't annoying, they were fine. It was my need to smoke that was making me short tempered with them.

And once I was free of that horrible addiction I felt terrible for putting myself at risk the way I had. They didn't deserve a mum who was willingly playing russian roulette with her health.

It was a huge revelation to me. I would NEVER go back to that life, for their sake as much as mine.

[nsd_user663_54958]

Ladies, its sooo good to hear your stories! Nice to know I am not alone with my guilt. Also great to see how its worked for you as a motivator. I wish I had not started again after breast feeding ended, but somehow it happened again with very sad effects on me and my baby. No more I say!

[nsd_user663_54940]

I can relate to all the things that've been said so far, and I feel like I've been a lousy selfish mother too. Nothing can give me back all the time I've lost with my kids through hiding away to smoke and nothing can make up for all the times I've snapped at them just because I was stressed about wanting a cig. It's such a shame that I never realised what I had been doing or how I'd been acting until after I'd stopped. Mind you if any of us knew how smoking makes you selfish then I'm sure that none of us would have started or we'd have stopped a lot sooner... What an evil addiction it is.... And how glad are we that we freed ourselves!

We'll all have more years to love and cherish them now

[nsd_user663_53202]

The searing honesty of your posts make this quite a difficult thread to read. Although I can see you all have regrests, I'm glad to see that you all feel your relationships with your kids are markedly improved now that you have quit. I appreciate the detail of your posts. I don't have kids myself to reveal insights into my own upbringing, and your posts have provided some valuable insights for me, so thank you. I might add that some women, for whatever reason, don't make particularly good mothers. I feel from reading your posts that you are good mothers, and are repairing damage done during the smoking years.

[nsd_user663_42390]

I agree that they are searingly honest posts but they are what I have come to expect from these remarkable ladies!! Well done to you all your kids are very lucky to have such great mums. I on the other hand didn't quit til mine were adults. Still better late than never!

[nsd_user663_52535]

Wow, can relate to all these posts. I too so regret smoking when my children were young, and also used to try and hide my habit. Unfortunately, like Hazel, I didn't quit till my son and daughter were adults.

I think being a relatively new Mama of 2 gorgeous boys has reinforced my determination to make this 'the one'. They, and any future grandchildren will never know a smoking 'Mama'

Fi x