I hate my moods

Yes im still here but finding it very difficult as the mood swings and emotional side of me has its grip on me cry baby cry. Im sick to death of being like this please dont tell me it will pass because i dont believe it will for a long time yet. I have no positives left. Life for me is at the bottom of the barrel the gregs of shit sorry but thats the only way i can describe how im feeling. Yes in a nutshell manic depression and although having that one fag which i had truthfully puts me back to the beginning of a quit. And im in no hurry to climb back on the wagon at this moment in time. When i do and get myself sorted with my psychiatrist and my appt with the emotional wellbeing on 8th may hopefully i will begin again. I know what i said to others about not having that one fag. But you only know me as Fleetwood and not as me personally i have many serious issues with my wellbeing. So till next time. Thanks for reading. Jacqui

14 Replies

  • Hi Jacqui

    Don't beat yourself up, you have done so well in your quit, sure you don't want to get back on that wagon? We'll all be here for you. If not.....

    I really hope all goes well for you on the 8th May, it's just around the corner and hope to see you back soon, when you're ready.

    Big hugs


  • Thank you Sara for your reply and thank you for the hugs it means alot. And many thanks for understanding my post as i know many on here wont understand and will probably pick holes in it by saying its only stress. Lots of love and see you soon i hope. And well done on your quit. I may even see if i can take champix next time. Jacqui

  • Thank you Sara for your reply and thank you for the hugs it means alot. And many thanks for understanding my post as i know many on here wont understand and will probably pick holes in it by saying its only stress. Lots of love and see you soon i hope. And well done on your quit. I may even see if i can take champix next time. Jacqui

    Hi Fleetwood. I think your wrong. I think very few will pick holes. As you say only you really know yourself and if the time aint right for you so be it. You've tried and tried hard and you should be proud of that. There are lots of people on this forum who are multiple quitters. We don't criticise them we just try to help and wish them all the best.

    So you have not succeeded this time. I say not succeeded purposely and not failed. To try so hard is not failure. When the time is right come back and you will see how everybody welcomes you. In the meantime all the best and hope to see you posting in the future

  • Hiya Jacqui. Sorry to hear you're feeling as if you're in the tunnel with no light at the end of it. Before my last surgery I had been doing work with mind for about 12 years so I do understand the smoking again. So as SaraM said, don't beat yourself up about it, after all smoking is not a hanging offence (Yet). Do you have a Mind office near you Jacqui? David

  • Hi Aitch

    I think I understand where Jacqui is coming from, sometimes, not all the time of course, on this forum, when people are honest that their quit has not succeeded this time, they come in for some comments that can only make them feel more down at the time they least need it.

    I agree there most are here to give encouragement and support.

    I for one have stayed away from commenting on this forum, mainly due to some members feeling their way or the highway, or digs and childish comments to each other some of those I have read have been particularly unpleasant, so I stick to my little social group, but am feeling a bit braver lately to start commenting again on the main forum.

    Well done on your quit and yes Jacqui we will hear from you soon lady :D

    Keep positive


  • Not the end of the world

    Hi Jacqui, so very sorry that you have had to start smoking when I read your post I was actually quite envious of you, so you see how weak I am that's how I feel today I could really enjoy a smoke. If I did however I would not beat myself up about it life's too short for that. Have a break from the stress of trying to stay on the wagon and take as long as you like to get better

    Maybe we will see you sooner than you expect so until then bye for now and big hugs xxxx

  • good luck x

    Good Luck with it all, don't beat yourself up, it's not the end of the world at all, it's not a waste of time either as it was another valuable life experience. I posted a very similar thread last night - I am embarrassed to say I was dripping with tears and snot in the kitchen BEGGING my son to go and get some fags for me....I hate that I did that. I too have a lot of serious issues that I asked last night whether I should sort out before quitting, it seems to make sense. So don't be cross with yourself, enjoy the fags (er-hum, you know we all sneakily want one too ;) ) and hope it all goes well in May. Then, hopefully, we'll see you back on here at some point! x

  • Sorry you are feeling so low Jacqui, I wish you well and hope to see your posts soon. You should be proud of your quit, you did so well. I for one will miss you as will many others.

    Just a thought for some of the others who have posted, when people write on here that they are GOING to smoke, most of us will try and talk them out of it, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. If people write that they HAVE smoked, like Jacqui, most of the others will offer sympathetic virtual shoulders to cry on.

    Hope you find yourself in a better place soon Jacqui, we are all behind you


  • Thank you Dave i will look into Mind i have heard of them. And thank you Una for the polar hug. And thank you Shojam will miss u too. But my appt is on 8th may and im still trying to get my positive thoughts back i know i will and dave the place im attending is called chase emotional wellbeing had a referal from my dr. Thank you all for your lovely replies. And i didnt mean to put that bit about peeps knitpicking it just came out while typing. Well done to all of you quitters. Jacqui

  • Good luck to you Jacqui..hope you feel better soon...xxx

  • Sorry to hear you're feeling so low Jacqui. You did fantastic on your quit....I truly believe anyone has what it takes to quit but (and I know everyone says this)....it has to be your time. Keep at it and eventually you will succeed, I only know this as I have done the same. For some reason, you'll find a quit where you will feel like Godzilla and nothing will make you smoke...not all the shit in the Thames! Until then, I hope things work out better for you and karma sorts itself out and gives you some good times for a change.

    All the best, don't forget everyone is here and waiting to help when you feel you're ready to give it another go.

    Lisa xxx

  • Hi Jacqui,

    You'll get yourself sorted out in good time, and I see you have already taken steps toward managing that, which is great. That shows me that you're aware of your situation and proactively reaching out for help. Think of that as a positive action on your behalf toward feeling better soon.

    The only thing I can say about you smoking again is that you have already proven yourself to be very strong, and you should never forget that. There is absolutely no reason why you wouldn't be able to quit successfully again.

    Take good care of yourself.


  • Oh, hugs, Jacqui. Just hugs. I so feel for you.

    You'll be back when you're ready.

    Bestest wishes in the meantime,



  • Oh F*#%ing H@ll Fleetwood, I'm so sorry :(

    You've battled so hard to stay quit, despite having difficulties.

    If you feel you can't cope and that smoking really will help then I guess you've made the right decision for you.

    I do hope you won't be a stranger though and that you'll keep posting on the forum.

    One, because it might encourage you to try again but secondly because we like having you around. :)

    Best wishes

    Gary xxx

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